“AITA for not putting pregnant GF on deed of the house?”
My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. She is pregnant and the baby is due in April. Before we found out she was pregnant, we had discussed possibly buying a house together. After we found out she was pregnant, this plan went into overdrive. When we went through the process of getting pre-approved, I discovered that she has pretty significant credit card debt.
Given that, a joint mortgage would be significantly more expensive than me getting a mortgage alone. I said since I am the only one on the mortgage, I think I should be the only one on the deed. My GF said she was “ok” with this. We found a house that we both liked, made an offer, it was accepted, and we are closing in a few weeks.
She is now refusing to move into the house unless she is on the deed. I am refusing to put her on the deed given that she is not on the mortgage. She is not on the mortgage and 100% of the downpayment comes from my savings.
I am paying solely the downpayment, mortgage payments, and utilities, HOA fees, insurance, and maintenance costs. AITA?
This is what people had to say to OP:
Organic-History205 said:
You should put in your post that she is nearly $100,000 in credit card debt.
That indicates severe financial issues. You would not want her on the deed because she could get sued and collected against or take out a HELOC. Be clear and set attainable goals – she needs to go to financial counseling and get on a debt management plan before being out on the deed.
bmyst70 said:
NTA. You’re taking 100% of the financial responsibility here. If you break up, even without marrying, she can come after you for a part of the house. But, whatever you do, DO NOT MARRY HER. Frankly, I’d break up and try to setup a good co-parenting situation.
She committed financial infidelity with you. There’s no way in hell she didn’t know she was a whopping 90,000 in debt. So, either she lied to you in a huge way (my guess), or she’s an absolute idiot who shouldn’t be trusted with money in the first place.
Miami_Lawyered said:
NTA. I am a family law attorney. Putting her on the deed would be a disaster for you. Do not do it until she gets her financial house in order.
And sharethewine said:
Putting her on the deed, but not on the mortgage means if the two of you split up, she can come after you financially for part of the house, but she’s not on the hook for the responsibility for the payment. Hell, no, don’t do it.
now my answer would change if she had anything to do with financially buying the house like the down payment or closing cost, but then that was kind of stupid on her part when her name is not on the mortgage of the deed. You too probably should get in counseling
Six weeks later, OP shared this update:
A couple of weeks after my original post, my GF broke up with me due to the housing situation and not being on the deed. She started looking for a new place (we were living together). She could not find a place that she could afford on her own that was not sketchy and none of her friends were interested in finding a place together.
Given the situation, I agreed to let her move in. While I know it is not ideal, she is still pregnant with my kid. She will stay in one of the guest rooms. I am still paying 100% of the costs for the house and she still will not be on the deed. She will be responsible for her own groceries. We have a written lease agreement, but I will not be charging her rent. She will need to buy her own furniture (bed, etc.).
That said, she has made multiple comments about how its “not really her home,” how it is unfair to her, how she feels she has no security, and how she is “at my mercy” since everything is in my name. She has asked to decorate the whole house. I am opposed, but as a compromise, I told her that she is free to decorate her room and the nursery as long as she does not make any permanent changes (like new paint).
From my perspective, I am being more than fair by providing a free place to live and covering all housing expenses, even after we broke up. I am responsible for my kid and providing said kid stable housing and that is what I am doing.
