**AITA for saying no to babysitting?**
Last year, a close family member had a baby and I helped out as much as I could. At first, it felt like genuine help, but over time it started to feel expected and then outright exploited.
I was asked to “babysit” multiple times a week for months, and at one point I was asked to do it three weekends in a row, including right up until I was due to go away. That left me with no time to prepare or rest.
I eventually explained, calmly and politely, that while I was happy to help, this level of commitment was too much. I have my own life, work, partner, friendships, and responsibilities — and caring for a baby is exhausting.
An important detail is that during most of this “babysitting,” the baby’s other parent was actually at home. I would be there caring for the child while they relaxed, watched TV, or slept. Sometimes this went on for entire weekends. It felt less like helping out and more like being treated as unpaid childcare.
After I set boundaries, I was asked far less, which was fine — but I also noticed I barely see them anymore, as if I’m being punished for no longer being available on demand.
Recently, there was a plan involving travel and an event. I was loosely asked to come along, not to attend the event, but specifically to provide childcare. This happened to fall on the one day each year that I always reserve for something deeply important to me and my partner. It’s a non-negotiable day that I plan around annually.
It was initially assumed I would just skip my plans. I said no and explained why. Another family member then tried to pressure me to either miss this important day or exhaust myself by traveling immediately after.
I declined again and suggested that the baby’s other parent — the actual parent — come along to help. This suggestion was not well received, largely because that person is never expected to take on that role.
Since then, I’ve been made to feel selfish and unreasonable, as if I’m the only person capable of caring for this child and as if I’m not entitled to my own life.
I can’t help but feel that my sexuality and being child-free play a role here. I strongly doubt I’d be treated this way or pressured so heavily if I were a straight man. It feels like my time is seen as more expendable and my boundaries as less valid.
I love my family member and enjoy spending time with the child, but I don’t believe that being child-free means I’m obligated to step in more than the actual parent. It’s also been upsetting to see other relatives reinforce this dynamic and dismiss the life my partner and I have built together.
So… AITA for saying no?
