“AITA for telling my mom to leave my inheritance to my kids instead of my husband?”
I am not wealthy, but my parents own a farm. One day my husband and I were talking about the plans for the farm. He said he wants to sell it. I said I wanted to have something to give to our children when they are older and that my parents want the farm to stay in the family anyway.
He got REALLY angry and said, so we will never get anything to make our lives easier! I explained about my parents wishes, I said I could sell my piece to my sister or brother and he said they would get a “discounted price or I would give it to them for free.”
I was shocked, I said, what, did you only marry me for money (a joke, because again, I am not wealthy), and he then said how dare I say that to him, and he gave me the silent treatment. I apologized to him for what I had said and he told me it was going to take him awhile to get over that. Fair enough.
Later, when my parents were discussing the farm again, I explained about what my spouse wanted. They asked if telling him what they want would make a difference? I said I didn’t know.
So now they are thinking to just will out the land in my children’s name as it is what I wanted anyway. Mind you, my husband got a small inheritance from his family and I told him it was his to decide what he wanted to do with. He just put it in our savings. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
BedroomEducational94
NTA- Will the farm to the kids. It’s the smart move. You wouldn’t want to “settle” this and then have him “change his mind”. Just cut out the possibility of the middle man ENTIRELY.
Accurate-Signature55
Is it the smart move though? I don’t know OP’s situation, but are there going to be cash assets too? Otherwise who is paying property taxes for the indeterminate amount of time the properties are transferred to the kids but they can’t afford it.
Does “keeping it in the family” mean the kids are going to have to sell it anyway because of the overhead or is the husband going to be paying expenses for the property?
Right_Cucumber5775
To be blunt, it’s not for him in any way. This is your inheritance, your choice. My inheritance came to me, my husband’s will go to him.
donovansgirl
NTA, but in most places, an inheritance is not community or marital property and he would have no say on how the inheritance is handled.
Consistent-Hotel-449 (OP)
True, but he could make my life miserable if I don’t do what he wants.
HolidayAsparagus6387
NTA put it in your kids’ names. They may do the same thing though.
No-Parsley-9280
NTA. His reaction makes no sense. Definitely ask them follow their hearts and will it to the kids so you don’t have to worry about it.
Longjumping_Desk3205
It almost seemed creepy, as if the husband were waiting on her parents to die and make his life easier. NTA but it sounds like she’s married to one. Her inheritance was never a “we” things anyway. I hope her portion of the farm is willed to the kids.
BigMax
It could make some sense. I know I’ll get dragged for this, but… we don’t know their personal finances. Maybe he makes most of the money, and has always shared it opening, in a shared marital account.
So he might look and think “for years, whenever I get anything, it’s for the family, but the one time she might get something, only she gets to decide what happens to it?” I’m not saying that’s the right reaction, but it at least makes sense.
Drunkendonkeytail
I think you need to have a calm conversation with your husband about his anxiety about finances and about his stress about his life. It sounds like something is percolating inside him that needs to be addressed. NTA.
JustMe518
NTA- and I am sorry to say that yes, your husband did, in fact, marry you for money. The fact that he reacted so strongly tells you all you need to know on that score. Allow your parents to will it as they see fit and then that takes you out of the equation entirely.
Paralax6969
Ask him if easier life’s for him or his children are what he wants. Gimme now, or save it for them. I’d never to presume my say so is more important than my wife’s in regards to her own inheritance. He’s TA.
Consistent-Hotel-449 (OP)
Right? As parents, our goal is to provide a good life for our children, first and foremost…or that is how I see it.
Condensed_Sarcasm
NTA, but your husband is a jerk. It’s a family farm and his first thought was “I’m gonna sell it” once your parents pass away? Screw that. Have them will your portions of the farm to your kids and have them safeguard it so your husband can’t touch it, even if something happens to you.
Lonely-World-981
NTA. I know someone who left a Generation Skipping Trust – everything goes to their grandkids. Their kids were pissed, found a loophole through parental trust administration, and emptied it for themselves. Have this put in your kids names, but do it in a way where your husband can never access if on behalf of the kids.
mileycat007
Ask your parents to put the farm in a trust for your children. Make anyone the trustee except your husband. That way, if anything happens to OP, the husband can’t sell the farm on behalf of the children. The children can take their inheritance at whatever age makes sense and stipulated by OP’s parents, but make it an age where their father is unlikely to benefit (like 35+).
DanyelN
NTA at all. Since you have siblings, does your greedy husband not realize that he would have to either convince both siblings to also sell or SUE them to force the sale? Suing for partition to force the sale or forcing them to buy you out can get ugly.
I have one set of cousins that nobody talks to anymore because they sued the remaining 4 aunts and uncles (daddy included) to get their father’s share of my grandmother’s estate in cash ASAP. However do remember that once your parents are no longer living on the farm, you and your siblings will have to manage upkeep if you want to keep it in the family.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
