“AITA for wanting a divorce because my wife wants her affair partner in our lives?”
I have been married to my wife for 15 years. Last year she initiated an affair with a long time friend who was running her DnD sessions (for the sake of this post we will call him Dan). I had a lot of trust issues surrounding this guy for some time starting when he and my wife were both fired for inappropriately harassing an employee which effectively ended my wife’s career.
When I discovered the affair, they went no contact for awhile. Me and my wife went into therapy and have been trying to rebuild our life for a year. In our last therapy session, she has insisted that this man must stay in her life as a friend and that they would never cross that line again especially because they are playing DnD with a crowd.
I can’t trust that this would be the case so therapy has now shifted into separation. We have two children, one with special needs, and she and her circle believe I am likely clinically insane for wanting to separate over what they think is a bunch of people just playing DnD. AITA here because I strongly feel like I am being gaslit a little here?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
jonjon234567 said:
She isn’t taking a basic and obvious step to try and help you recover from the pain she caused to you and your family. She isn’t serious about changing. I don’t think you could have believed anything she said or did before, but you definitely can’t now.
EmceeSuzy said:
Your wife is a monster. Honestly, even if she weren’t a cheater, she got fired from her job for harassing someone. That is horrid. You don’t stay married to someone who is a bad person. And you’re right that she is trying to gaslight you.
Asking to keep seeing someone she cheated with because she likes to play DND with him shows an utter disinterest in the marriage. You need to fast track this divorce and stop worrying about what her idiot friends think.
Available-Algae-3034 said:
Umm wtf. YTA to yourself at this point. Your wife isn’t a good person. Her and her affair partner harassed another person at work and got fired for it? This is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.
kreeferin said:
My dude, I’m sorry this is happening to you. But your wife just told you that a role playing game is more important to her than your marriage. It’s time to see yourself out. NTA.
lurninandlurkin said:
NTA. Her friends and circle do not have to live with her and her AP in their circle like you do. Take care of yourself and your children first, move on and set up a stable home life for yourself as your (ex) has made her choice and that is that her AP is important enough to enforce them staying in her life over what it means for your marriage.
Adventurous-Emu-755 said:
NTA…Look up the rules of reconciliation after infidelity in a relationship. Rule #1 is that the cheater can have absolutely NO contact with the affair partner. That ends reconciliation. Her circle, what does your circle say? Her circle are the people who would cover her affair, no? You don’t want to have them in your life and they are not worthy to be in your life. Yes, you’re being gaslit.
beaglerules said:
Does her circle know about the affair? If they do not, she needs to tell them. If they do, then she needs to get rid of that circle of friends if she wants to stay married to you. They are not friends of your relationship with her. Either way, NTA and your wife is still in affair fog and has limerence for the affair partner.
