“AITA for ruining a funeral?”
Hot_Lab4411 says:
My aunt (my dad’s sister) passed away, and since I was back in town, I decided to attend the funeral. She had two children: a son who lived with her and a daughter I will call Sue. They lived in a small town about two hours away.
The service was supposed to include a family viewing at the funeral home, followed by a graveside service. As I was signing the guest book, a cousin I hadn’t seen in years came over and we started talking. This was in the hallway before entering the viewing room. Sue came out and shushed us. I felt embarrassed, thinking we were talking too loudly, even though I didn’t believe we were.
We went into the viewing room, where everyone was sitting and watching a monitor with videos of the deceased. Sad music was playing, but no one was talking. Everyone was just sitting quietly and watching the screen.
After about 15 minutes, I whispered to my sister, who was sitting in front of me, that I was going to leave. She said she would go out with me because she had something for me in the car. She and her husband followed me out. Then their adult children and their families followed as well. My cousin also came out to talk in the parking lot. I noticed other people leaving around the same time.
We talked in the parking lot for a little while and then left. Later, Sue contacted me on Facebook and said that I ruined her mom’s funeral by leaving and taking half the people with me. I didn’t think I had done anything wrong, but I apologized and said that an emergency had come up and I had to leave. She then blocked me.
I feel bad that I upset her at her mom’s funeral, but I have never been to a funeral viewing where no one was allowed to talk. AITA for leaving the viewing early and having half the room leave with me?
OP posted an update:
For clarification, in our family this is normally a three-day process. On the second day, there is a family night where everyone gets together to talk and remember the loved one. In this case, there was no family night, and this time was described as when the family would be receiving visitors. We did not expect it to be a quiet period of sitting and watching a monitor.
Of course, traditions can change. For example, when my father was in hospice, we asked people to visit him while he was still alive, and we did not hold a formal family night after he passed, per his wishes.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Mrsanjuro75 says:
NTA. It’s not like you stood on a chair and proclaimed, “This blows! Everyone back to my place.” Other people just took their cue from you and followed you out rather than sitting in awkward silence. That’s on them. If it wasn’t you leaving, they’d have left after someone else.
ADHDofCrafts says:
Have people not been to a viewing before? NTA, at all. I’ve never been to a viewing where you couldn’t talk. That’s absurd. And nobody stays for the entire time! You come in, pay your respects, chat quietly with folks. And leave when you’re ready.
Glittering_Focus_295 says:
NTA. A viewing is not a service. The service was later at the graveside. And the people you allegedly took with you? They already wanted to leave. When you left, they saw their opportunity to do the same.
KatzAKat says:
NTA, which surprised me based on the thread title. The viewing is where people gather to grieve together which includes talking with each other, reminiscing about the deceased and times together. Whatever your cousin was hosting wasn’t usual for most cultures that I’m aware of. I’m sure the others who left after you were grateful for being released from their confinement. My condolences on your loss.
