“AITA for refusing to pay $25 to attend my friend’s birthday party?”
My (f 22) friend (f 22) is turning 23 this year. She has not had a birthday party in a few years because her birthday falls on the week of Thanksgiving and when she tried to have one for her 18th birthday party only 5 people showed up and that’s not including her immediate family when she invited multiple friends, provided catering, and the food with money from her own pocket.
She has since dropped certain friends for their behavior towards her. They were pretty valid reasons though not important to this. She has a new friend group that treat her great and show up to hang out, are there when things are tough, or there is an emergency in her life.
I have been her friend since we were both 13. For this year even though it’s not a significant birthday it’s a new beginning for her and she says it feels like a “rebirth” in a way and a weight has been lifted off her shoulder so she wants to go all out with this birthday.
Catering from her favorite place, her favorite performer who offers to perform at events, decorations, etc. When she told me about this I was supportive and told her she should do it! Until she told me roughly how much this party would cost her.
The performers fee alone would be $605 and then the catering would be around $100-$200 if she invited 25-30 people like she planned. And then the decorations she said she would be using some that she had at home already or DIYing them with her family.
She wants it to be little mermaid themed since she recently made a cosplay of her favorite character Melody from the sequels and she wanted to wear that for the party. She would be spending about $1000 for this entire event herself. I already know it because when she throws a party she throws a PARTY! Even though no one showed up to the last one she hosted for herself, it was AMAZING.
Now…she wants to have people pay her $25 to rsvp so that she could use that money to pay the live performer and take off the most major weight of what she’d be paying for the event. She asked me what I thought and I told her “that’s the stupidest crap I’ve ever heard.” She knows how blunt I am and has told me before “if I’m being stupid call me out on it.” So that’s what I did.
No one that I know in our friend group is going to pay $25 to go to a birthday party they were invited to. If I’m invited to a birthday party, then I should be going for free and using my money to buy her a gift. Not using that money to pay for entertainment that is supposed to be for everyone to enjoy.
She called me a b and told me to leave before she said something else she’d regret later on. Since I’m so close to her family her mother texted me saying that “whatever I said to her was really hurtful” and that she’s been upset since I left and that I should apologize. She asked me a question and I simply answered with my opinion. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Wild_Share_9190 said:
Gentle YTA for how you worded and reacted. It took me two minutes to spin this into “in lieu of gifts, please consider giving $25 to help cover expenses.” You didn’t give her any advice and instead bashed her on her idea.
Jakyland said:
You aren’t being invited to like a dinner, you are being invited a catered event with an entertainer. Paying $25 dollars for her to have this experience she wants IS the present she wants. You’d rather have the birthday person out $1000 dollars and have 30 knick-knacks?
It doesn’t seem like you are being a very supportive friend, since the amount of money itself isn’t the issue but you will only support her if it is within a very prescribed routine way. YTA.
Lumi020323 said:
YTA, there is blunt and being an AH, you chose the latter. As to the issue, if she asking for $25 instead of bring a present, that’s not unreasonable.
j_jqqq said:
YTA. Get used to paying for taking a friend out for their birthday. It’s part of being an adult. And $25 is dirt cheap. Apologize and pay the money.
Counther said:
“Sometimes I have no filter when my close friends ask me for advice.” It’s probably time to start developing one. Not everything going through your mind needs to be said. “That’s the stupidest crap I’ve ever heard” is (a) rude and hurtful and (b) not in the least bit helpful.
Apparently she’s not seeing a problem with her plan, so why not kindly explain why you think it’s not a good idea? Or suggest an alternative. Or something else an adult might say. I agree with you about the $25, but YTA for not thinking before you speak.
No-Ambassador-688 said:
YTA. I hate how people love to brag that they’re “blunt” when actually they’re just being crappy. You can be blunt, (“I don’t think people are going to want to pay that much”), without being mean.
Also, you’re an adult now. It’s not that weird for people to contribute to have a big party. We just rented a cabin for my birthday and everyone kicked in for the rental, booze, and food.
