Six months ago, OP shared this first post: “AITA for breaking up the contact with my husband’s family?”
Me (24F) and my husband (33M) have been married for 4 years, It all started when I moved in with my Husband and his family 3 years ago. At first they were really kind and loving to me. But a few months after , they started acting weird sometimes.
When my husband went to work, my mother in law always urged me to do household chores, it was really exhausting not having anyone helping you. The time passed and she wouldn’t stop requesting for more. But as a “traditional housewife” I got used to it. After getting pregnant, I thought something would change, but she urged me to do even more.
One evening I decided to confront my husband at a family gathering, but he shrugged it off. Telling me I was overreacting, saying that his Mother was old and needed the help. 6 months into the pregnancy I was really struggling and having prenatal depression. Without wanting to go in detail I lost the baby. After getting home from the Hospital, my MIL didn’t even bother to ask me how I felt or how I was.
She didn’t even look me in the face. My husband didn’t bother talking to me about the situation either. I was mourning too, I had postpartum depression, feeling guilty about what happened. I didn’t know how to start a conversation but i wanted to talk to somebody. The only person i thought i could talk to was my sister in law so i started telling her everything. It felt good talking to somebody.
I told her about how my mother in law treated me and my husband didn’t know anything about it , and how i needed to do everything even tho I was pregnant. And that I was told by my doctor that I lost my baby due to overexertion. It felt really good having someone listening to you. After that I felt encouraged enough to talk to my husband. He apologized because he didn’t know I felt like that.
Started feeling way better over the whole situation, he started being there for me and taking care of me. But when my Sister in law became pregnant everything changed. They started comparing our pregnancies and belittling my trauma. Instead of taking everything in and letting people walk over me I decided to confront them straight away.
We got into a heated argument and I decided to stay with my Mother and tell her about everything, she was really upset that I didn’t talk to her straight up. The next morning I woke up to messages of my husband telling me I was overreacting and that I was not happy for my Sister in law.
I am right now taking a break from his family and him, but I am being told I am overreacting. I am here to ask for advice not knowing if I am really the one ruining it for my SIL.
**UPDATE** Yes I did file for divorce and sorted things out with my SIL .
In the comments, people wrote:
Pure-Ad-9802 said:
All I’m hearing is your husband is a spineless a$$hole. Why are you still in this marriage? There’s a reason he married a 20 year old at his big grown age.
And Stunning_Response_74 said:
Girl, no offense. But grow a backbone and leave him and his toxic family. You’re not at fault for losing the baby, he is and his asshole family. They knew what they did wrong, which is why they didn’t check on you. Your husband saw you were pulling away, so he love bombed you to blind you from the toxicity.
You deserve so much better than people who would minimize your pain and trauma, there is a reason your doctor told you the reason for the loss of your baby. Take that as a sign and cut ties.
Six months later, OP shared this post: “AITA for not telling my ex-husband I am expecting?”
Hey Everyone! I am doing well and filled for divorce some months ago since then I’ve moved and started basically a new life!
Since the incident I am no longer in contact with my ex husbands family but for my former SIL (Janet). Janet is the only “thing” left from my past life and I am really grateful for that our relationship is very dear to me. Since what happened with me and her family we talked everything through and she started distancing herself from them. Which I don’t expect from her but am grateful for.
None of her family members know that we are in contact and we thought it would be the best for the both of us. Lately I realized that Janet would mention her family more often then she used to, I thought that maybe she missed them but she would also tell me about conversations they had which didn’t sound like old ones, but I trusted her.
Last week Janet and I talked and She mentioned how much her brother changed (my Ex Husband) first I didn’t think much of it, but she kept bringing it up – When I told her I was expecting she was confident its from her brother and would not stop mentioning that a child should not grow up without a father figure.
She would invite me over and always talk about how easy it is when her husband helps taking care of their child. On one morning a number I haven’t saved called when I answered my phone I heard my Ex Husband screaming and swearing at me, somehow I felt like I couldn’t hang up it reminded me of the times when he would get angry at me, I felt like a child, crying. When he finally stopped I hung up.
I felt scared not knowing where he got my number from. later that day the same number called again and something in me just answered but this time he was calm and nice he tried engaging in small talk but I didn’t reply. Till this day I am confident he was drunk, He started crying asking me to return to him to forgive him, hearing him like this I too started crying.
But then he told me that Janet gave him my number and I froze. I hung up and tried calling her but I couldn’t reach her, She told me she wasn’t in contact with him because of the amount of crap he made me go through but her giving him my number really made me upset she wasn’t only lying into my face but even betrayed me. When she finally called back she was really happy asking me if we rekindled.
I was so angry I couldn’t even talk at first I started shouting asking her how she could give him my personal information. She started accusing me of withholding her brothers right of knowing that I am pregnant- I was shocked because she knew I wouldn’t tell him not because I am selfish but to protect me and my child and it coming from her even hurts more.
I’m writing this to ask for advice again- I am unsure if she only has good intentions! And if telling my Ex would have been the right decision.
This is what people had to say to OP:
Daisymaisey23 said:
Info please. Is this your ex-husband’s child? If so, before you have the baby, you need to move to whatever state you wanna live in long-term. The court will give him some visitation and also child support obligations. There’s no stopping him getting visitation if it’s his child.
But they won’t force you to change your place of residence, but they can stop you from changing your place of residence in the future to say that you can’t move more than 50 miles from your ex-husband so you need to move to where you wanna be now and if I was you, I would move far away. And get legal advice right away.
YogurtclosetDeep7537 said:
OMG – how is it not clear to you that she needs to be cut out of your life? She is not your friend and is always going to support her family (her brother). Cut her off and change your phone number.
Starginarly said:
Janet completely crossed a boundary by giving him your number without consent, and your safety and peace come first, not her idea of “good intentions.”
