“AITA for not wanting to eat my parents’ meals while pregnant?”
I (28F) am pregnant and my husband (31M) and I live in our own house right next to my parents. To help us save money, my parents often buy groceries and cook dinners for all four of us, which I appreciate.
The problem is my dad is extremely controlling and picky about food. He only likes a few very basic meals (like plain chicken and rice, pork chops with a ton of butter, canned vegetables, etc). When he finds something he likes, he will make it multiple times a week, so we eat the same four or five meals on rotation constantly.
If I suggest something different (like not having green beans 3 days in a row), he shuts it down with “nah, nah, nah, it’s better this way.” He also complains or claims food makes him sick if it isn’t done exactly how he wants, unless he doesn’t know what’s in it, then suddenly it’s “the best thing ever.”
(He claims chicken “broff” upsets his stomach when I use it to cook pasta, but if i use it without him knowing its the best pasta he has ever had). I have had strong food aversions with my pregnancy and about five of the six meals he makes now make me gag.
When I turn something down, he says things like “you used to like it” or “you have ate it that way for 30 years” but I never actually liked it, I just ate it because it was what my parents made me as a kid.
My mom asks me to help plan dinners for the week, but when I suggest things I can tolerate, my dad says it’s too complicated, too expensive, or that he doesn’t know how to get the ingredients. I even offer to cook it if he buys the ingredients and I write him a specific list. But we go back to his tiny list of meals because its “too complicated.”
We all 4 take turns cooking at our own houses, but no matter who cooks, my dad complains all night about the food if it isn’t like plain unseasoned chicken. When I was a kid, when we went out to a fast food place and I wanted a chicken sandwich, he would insist we all get burgers because it was “easier” and even chose everyone’s toppings without letting me pick mine differently.
He would order 3 identical burgers and I’d just have to eat it. My mom gets defensive when I turn down options they give me, and is like “we’re trying,” But it’s not like I am asking them to make lobster and steak dinners every night.
For example, we plan on making chicken pie this weekend and I asked dad if we could cook the chicken on the George Forman grill and season it before and he adamantly was like “NO. Chicken pie has BOILED chicken.” I can see how I would be the AH if I was asking for expensive crazy meals, but I’m not. I am just asking or making suggestions to season or make the foods better.
After reading the comments, OP edited the post to include:
There was some confusion. We eat with them because they offered, and it makes my mom happy. We do not need to eat with them nor do we rely on them for our meals. We are capable of making our own meals and paying for our own groceries.
I do not expect my parents to feed us and I appreciate the offer and meals they do make for us. In fact, my husband and I cook for all 4 of us twice a week. My post is more explaining they want us over but get upset when we decide otherwise due to my food aversions. Mom phrased it as “saving money for the baby” but really it was a bid for attention to spend more time together.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Mimi6671 said:
NTA… BUT Jesus, just stop eating with them. They are going to complain and whine either way. At least you can be eating what you like while they are complaining. Are you going to subject your child to the same crap that you dealt with?
slendermanismydad said:
You are an adult and about to be a parent. Stop all of this. Make your own food. Buy your own groceries. Your child is going to end with an ED if you don’t stop with all of this. I don’t know how you convinced your husband to move in next to your parents but I hope he figures out this is not a good idea. ESH.
MMorrighan said:
Ma’am you are nearly 30 and your father is probably neurodivergent. Stop holding space for his behavior. When he starts to complain kick him out or leave and feed yourself.
hoagieam said:
Just cook your own damn food. Jesus.
Summer20232023 said:
You married a saint, not a chance I would EVER live beside my parents or my in-laws. A soft YTA, just make your own meals and eat at your own house.
TrashGouda said:
Time to stop eating with them. Cook your own food in your own house for yourself and your partner. I don’t see how your father would change anytime soon when he was always like this.
starry_nite99 said:
ESH. This arrangement isn’t working. Everyone is allowed to cook how they want and only eat what they enjoy. If someone doesn’t want to negotiate on that, that’s ok- but that means the buying & cooking family dinners isn’t an arrangement that works anymore. You shouldn’t be forced to eat what you don’t like, and neither should your dad.
