“AITA for using my now ex after I found out he was cheating?”
I found out the guy I was living with was cheating on me last June. It hurt but I couldn’t afford to move out. So I swallowed my pride and let it continue. I slowly started to notice that my life was actually better.
I didn’t act suspicious of him at all. He got bolder and started spending nights and even weekends away. Our bedroom went dead when I stopped initiating. Honestly fine by me. He was fine on bed but I’ve had better. Got tested. I’m fine.
I stopped spending money on any extras. I continued to do the shopping for the house and I used his half to top up the groceries I liked. I still mad sure there was good food for him in the fridge and pantry. I stopped covering small stuff like his dry cleaning.
I sold my car and used started using his since he hardly used it. I put all my money into a seperate account. We never really mingled our money. We only had one joint account to pay bills. It took seven months but I saved up almost $20,000 including the money from my car.
He talked to me just after the new year about the lease in March. I was honest and told him that I was leaving him but that I would stay until March as a roommate if it would help him out. He got very upset and said I blindsided him. I said it should be easy for him to find a roommate for our apartment. It is pretty cheap and we’ll located in our city.
He said that he wants me out at the end of January and he will pay February by himself if I let him keep the damage deposit. I agreed. I moved in with my sister temporarily. He also asked for his car keys back.
His side piece moved in almost immediately. Whatever. I ran into them at the farmers market whet I work on the weekends. I introduced myself to her and said she must be Maggie. He asked how I knew her name. I was honest and said I had known about her for six months or so.
Now I’m hearing from a few mutuals that I embarrassed him and threw a wrench in their relationship. He had been telling her we were just roommates and that I was uncomfortable with him bringing women into the apartment. That is absolutely true. I would have been very uncomfortable.
Anyway he started doing the math and figured out how I funded my exit. He said if I knew I should have confronted him so we could have ended last year. I told him to go potty in his hat. Was I wrong for handling things the way I did?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Mysterious_Light1231
You go girl !! He played around and go found out and as a lovely parting shot let her know she was the side piece 👌🏻 NTA.
Carnal_Merit_1224
NTA. You played it exactly how you were supposed to. Very strategic. He’s just mad he was five steps behind you when he thought he was two steps ahead. Cheaters never prosper.
hungry4nuns
Not even strategic in a sly way, but absolutely reasonable. He did the dirt why should you have to put yourself out financially by immediately ending the relationship at the time he cheated. That’s going to cost you a huge amount in upheaval to your life. He thinks you should have shouldered that cost based on idiot logic.
He believes he should be immune to consequences of his actions and believes everyone else should be put out instead. And if I was to try and sum up everything that’s wrong in the world in terms of geopolitics right now I couldn’t do it better than that.
katie-kaboom
“I embarrassed him and threw a wrench in their relationship.”
Aww, the poor darling! So sad, to be embarrassed by your new girlfriend finding out you were cheating on your old girlfriend and spoiling the end of their relationship for her! Anyway NTA, find better friends.
thatdankwitch
Definitely NTA. Wow, this is honestly amazing. I’m super impressed you held it together those months. Good on you for saving so much, times are tough and you’ll need it.
Advanced_Turnover544 (OP)
My poor car was the hardest part. But when I get my own place I will make sure it’s close to transit. My sister is okay with me being here because I’m helping with the kids and housework. Her and my brother in law actually managed to get away for a weekend.
Srawsome
Not him trying to claim he was “blindsided” by you leaving when you guys haven’t been intimate or romantic for months. Men really do think we’ll stay through anything. NTA You did what you had to do to move out, nothing wrong with that. I’m glad you said something, the other woman deserves to know she was being lied to and cheated on for months.
Sad-Mind-3053
NTA. You were smart and did well, as a guy that hate cheating I’ll say well played. Hope everything turns out well for you and the next guy you meet is a faithful decent one.
ItisntRocketSurgery
NTA Gosh, I hope this isn’t fake. That’s how you treat cheaters. Although I do think you should have insisted on your share of the damage deposit back. It is rightfully your money.
You didn’t spend his money on any groceries that weren’t mutually accessible. You have every right to stop paying for extras. His dry cleaning is his financial responsibility. The only thing you ‘took’ of his was 7mths wear and tear on his car, which he agreed to.
FriendlyMum
NTA and soooo he deliberately bought her to the market to “accidentally” run into you for an adrenaline kick. (Mainly because he’s been feeding off adrenaline from cheating on you this whole time and now it’s gone and the fun mistress is now a daily doldrum…..)
And instead you turned it all on his head and he realised he wasn’t in control this whole time… you were. Hilarious. Beautiful revenge, revenge is best served by living your best life!
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
