AITHA-My kids father choose to remove himself from our lives.
His family, who have hardly been present in our live before,reached out after he left asking if I was going to take the kids from them.
I told them that if they wanted a relationship with them,they needed to build it, it was not my responsibility, especially with his parents. They barely showed up, never called to talk to the kids. I would text updates about the kids that would go unanswered.
I would call and leave messages of when they had events at school/sports inviting them,no response. We would have visitations set up and they wouldn’t show, wouldn’t answer when I would call and check to see if they were coming,my calls/texts left unanswered. When they would reach out days later they would say oh we were supposed to come up? No, you must have the dates mixed, up only to find out they went somewhere else instead of coming to vist their grandchildren.
When they would show up, they wouldn’t talk to the kids or ask them what they liked,how they are doing in school, or what they liked. Just talk about their other grandchildren. They would say negative things to my children about their weight or how they dressed. I would confront them about their words and they would say, we didnt say that, they must have heard us wrong,even though I also heard them say it.
I set boundaries that they crossed all the time. I had asked their father’s family not to give him updates/share photos of the kids because he choose to leave and never looked back. Come to find out they were sending him photos they would take when they were here. After this behavior of theirs for years, I stopped my efforts on my part to keep them involved in their lives. My children are now older and have their own phones.
The grandparents have asked for their cell phone numbers. I asked the kids if they wanted their grandparents to have their phone numbers so they could build a relationship with them. They all said no. They said why, if they wanted to call us they can call your phone and we can talk to them. When I told the grandparents what the kids said, the blamed me and said I turned their grandchildren against them.
I said no,your behavior over the years did this. Now Im getting messages from other family memebers(except for a few who truly know the grandparents) asking how can I be so cruel to take the grandchildren away from them.
Im trying to teach my children, just because people are “family” they dont have to have them sit at their table of they dont make an effort to be family.
AITA for not giving the grandparents the kids phone numbers and talking to my children about if they wanted their grandparents to have their numbers?
