AITJ for telling my family I’m done for being their financial safety net?
I (28F) am the oldest of four. We grew up working class. When I was 17, my dad left my mom for another woman and pretty much vanished. No real child support, no stepping up.
It was just my mom trying to hold everything together and me stepping in wherever I could. I started working part time in high school and full time right after graduation.
I enrolled in community college but dropped out after a year because we couldn’t afford it and my family needed the income more than I needed classes. So I worked. Retail. Serving. Office admin.
Whatever paid consistently.
A big part of my paycheck went to rent, groceries, utilities, car repairs, random emergencies.
If my siblings needed money for books or fees, I covered it. I told myself it was temporary. Just until they got on their feet. Now they’re all adults. All college graduates.
I was honestly so proud. I thought this was the part where things would finally shift. Where I could go back to school, build savings, maybe move out and actually have my own life. I told my mom I want to focus on myself now, maybe finish my degree, start investing in my future.
She was supportive. My siblings? Not so much. None of them have stable jobs yet. They say they’re “applying” or “figuring things out.”
Meanwhile they’re still living at home, barely contributing, and when money is tight, I’m still the one getting the call.
Then my youngest brother got his girlfriend pregnant. He doesn’t have a job. No savings. And suddenly there’s this expectation in the air that I’ll help because I always have.
I’m tired. I’m almost 30 with no degree and minimal savings because I spent a decade making sure everyone else had opportunities.
And now when I say I’m done being the backup plan, I’m being called selfish and cold. Extended family keeps saying, “That’s what family does.” But I feel like I’ve already done more than my share.
AITJ for stepping back and finally choosing my own future instead of continuing to carry everyone?
