AITAH for refusing to be “nice” to my ex?
My ex and I split several years ago after I discovered his cheating and secret spending of thousands upon thousands of dollars. When I confronted him, his behavior escalated in ways I had never seen before. The situation eventually became unsafe, and I left with our kids.
Since leaving (almost four years ago), he has continued trying to reconcile despite me repeatedly and clearly saying no. I receive excessive messages daily texts, calls, and long messages through the court-ordered parenting app. The tone swings between over-the-top declarations of love and harsh insults if I don’t respond the way he wants.
Because of this pattern, I keep communication strictly about the kids and only through the court app. I don’t engage in personal conversation. I don’t share details about my life. I don’t offer emotional reassurance. I do not answer calls. If he does something helpful for the kids, I acknowledge it briefly and move on.
Recently, he told me he plans to take me back to court, claiming that my “coldness” is parental alienation because the kids can see how I treat him.
To clarify:
- I do not speak badly about him to the children or even let friends and family do so around them.
- Their therapists have confirmed that their feelings toward him are their own.
- I facilitate visitation as ordered.
- I communicate necessary information about the kids.
I am not mean. I am just no longer warm, friendly, or emotionally available to him.
He seems to believe that if I were kinder or more engaging, the kids would behave differently toward him. I believe children respond to consistency and structure and that their feelings are not mine to control.
