“AITA for ending it with my boyfriend over a 2 hour birthday party then evicting him?”
I (32F) have been dating a guy (35M) for 7 years. Just like a lot of relationships it’s been a lot of ups and downs. Back in March my boyfriend’s birthday was coming up on April 19th, my nephew also has a birthday in April on the 9th.
So with their birthdays approaching I had told my boyfriend I had unfortunate news about his birthday, my sister planned my nephews birthday party on the 19th from 11-1pm. My nephew was turning 7 and was having a party at a jump park in town and me being the only aunt and loving my nephew, of course I’m going.
When I told my boyfriend about the party being on his birthday he flipped out on me, started yelling and saying how selfish I am, that I ruined his birthday then hung up on me and then started texting me things like “F#%+ you and your sister” I’m going to make sure I ruin your birthday now” and 26 more messages just telling me how selfish I was and that I ruined his birthday plans, etc.
The only plans we had were to do some shopping and go out to eat for his birthday which we would still have time to do so I really didn’t see the big deal, I understand his disappointment but the anger I’ll never understand. I waited 3 days for an apology and he wouldn’t even talk to me.
I decided that was it, that’s my final straw I can’t keep being disrespected like this, so I broke up with him. Now I’m typing this May 26th and we broke up March 24th and he still hasn’t moved out.
In April I made him still pay the bills because he had no money saved to move out and now this month I paid all the bills by myself so he would have some money to move and he is still here.
I printed out eviction notice papers because I have explained at least once a week since the break up that it’s over, why I ended it, he needs to be saving money and moving out. I don’t mean to be harsh but I think 2 months is plenty of time to move out after speaking to me the way he did.
The other day, I left the eviction papers out so he would see them, they aren’t even filed with the court yet because I honestly thought we could handle this like adult’s. But he saw them and is now beyond mad.
He’s heartbroken and telling me I’m heartless, that I never loved him, I’m overreacting and treating him like a criminal. AITA because my next step is to file the papers to actually evict him? I feel bad. He isn’t a bad person just not someone I see forever with.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Remind him that if he just leaves on his own then he won’t have an official eviction on his record, thus making it harder for him to rent in the future.
NTA, if you’re 35 and throwing a fit about your birthday you need to grooooooooooow up.
It’s not over the party, it’s over consistent disrespect & lack of communication and self control. Good for you, a lot of us stay and end up miserable. End while you feel strong!
NTA. Thats a massive overreaction on his part. If he’s going to blow up like that over 2 hours on his birthday, he’s not ready or fit for a relationship.
NTA But I promise you, he won’t go until he’s dragged out kicking and screaming. Unfortunately, this loser is digging his heels in for the long ride.
OP added this info in a comment:
I would absolutely not have been upset if it was the other way around. He has worked on my birthday almost every year and that’s completely fine, we always celebrated a different day that we both could be there.
I have taken him on trips many years for his birthday, a kayaking trip out of state, a hotel in the city for the weekend, the most he has ever done for my birthday is buy me dinner in my town, and I have always been okay with that.
One time I wanted to go to an escape room for my birthday and a few days before he bought himself a drum set so he didn’t have the money for his ticket, I bought our tickets so we could go, and at dinner he asked to split the bill for my birthday dinner. That is the only time I was upset about a birthday.
I also asked him to come to my nephew’s birthday party and he refused because he said “it doesn’t matter you already ruined my birthday” I broke up with him before the party so he obviously didn’t come.
Also to anyone blaming my sister, that’s uncalled for lol her and her husband work overnights and weekends, they just wanted a Saturday in April, her husband was off on the 19th, they called and booked it, my sister wasn’t thinking about my AH ex boyfriend when she booked it lol when she told me the date I literally told her “oh crap that’s Tyler’s birthday.”
She was like “I’m sorry that’s the only day I could do, but it’s only 2 hours and he is more than welcome to come” Finally just to remind everyone I am the only aunt and there are no uncles, I wouldn’t miss my nephew’s 7th birthday for anyone’s birthday unless I was out of town.
Later the same day, the OP returned with an update.
I am going to the courthouse as soon as I get off work in about an hour, my best friend is going to stay with me until he moves out. I also have someone coming to change the locks once he is gone.
I own the house and that’s why I haven’t left. He hasn’t paid rent in months so in my state I’m pretty sure I can file a 10 day eviction notice so that is my plan today. I’ll update when I have more information.
I also wanted to thank you all for the words of encouragement it truly means a lot. Also for everyone asking I am in therapy and have been since September of last year, I have tons of support from family and friends as well.
A week later, the OP returned with their “final update.”
This past Saturday his friend came over to help him move, my mom and aunt were also there. We all worked and moved him out on Saturday until 11pm, he is coming one last time to get the rest of his things this weekend. My mom will be there so I’m not alone with him. Also I already changed my locks.
I spent the last 3 nights alone in my house and instead of tears, it was filled with peace. I was able to play video games, watch my shows and enjoy time with myself. This was a long time coming and I can’t thank you all enough for the advice, especially when I’m just a stranger.
He went through my iPad and found this post so maybe all the comments will help him realize we both need to grow and are better not together. When you are in a toxic relationship you don’t realize how bad it was until you are out.
I wish him the best and I know I will continue to blossom into a strong independent single woman 🩷 Thank you all again for the words of wisdom! I hope this post reminds someone in an unhealthy relationship to get the courage to leave when you know you deserve better.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
