AITAH for asking a friend I was falling in love with for space

AITAH for asking a friend I was falling in love with for space

I feel genuinely terrible because I miss them, but I was falling for them.

I have a friend in Colombia— where I’m going to be moving to soon— that I met last year. We spent a lot of time texting when we met online and then he ghosted me. Then when I went to Colombia for my bday, we linked up and hung out multiple times. There was a lot of romance between us like him picking me flowers from trees and telling me about the birds holding me. I love nature and flowers so it made me feel very special.

I ended up coming home and we messaged almost every single day till the day I went back for 3 weeks mid January 2026. The whole trip my feelings for him got stronger and stronger, and I could tell his were leaving. The romance was dying and I still wanted it. We ended up getting into an argument because I lashed out of jealousy because he started to talk to somebody.

I know I was in the wrong and felt so awful about what I did . We needed up apologizing and things continued. My feelings continued to get stronger. Finally, on my last day in Colombia, I could feel the jealousy strengthen as I watched him smile constantly and wait this boy’s texts. I knew it wasn’t healthy for me to continue to talk to him with these feelings for him. I wanted him in my life because he had become one of my closest friends, but I couldn’t build the strong friendship I wanted (especially because I would prefer to have a FRIEND AND FRIENDSHIP IN COLOMBIA BEFORE ANY KIND OF ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP OR INTEREST BECAUSE I WAS MOVING THERE AT THE END OF THE YEAR AND TO ME FRIENDS AND FRIENDSHIPS ARE JUST AS IMPORTAN OR EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THAN ROMATICS).

My last day there I cried and cried and cried. He comforted me because he knew my life was going through a lot at the moment, but he didn’t know that I was falling in love. I had told him earlier that I wanted to try something with him beyond friends and he said that he didn’t want to wait for me to move down there and I also don’t want him to wait to be happy. When I got back to the US, I told him I needed space via text message. (which I regret because I should’ve called him bc I personally am for having these big convos via phone call but even moreso in person) just my last day there I couldn’t tell him in person bc I dint want things to be weird between us. As of right now, he removed me on social media.

There were bad floods in his neighborhood the other day so I messaged his mom to make sure everyone was ok and thankfully they are. I just want to apologize and talk to him about it. Ramadan started and some of my friends are Muslim and I’m doing a “no weed, no low, no cigs” fast with them for it.

I wanna message him to see if he’s ok andd apologize, but I’m to nervous to do it. I’m too scared to see a curt response or something tha is short. I want to know he’s ok andd that things are gonna be ok. I had left him a poem on his desk before I left that I’m not sure he saw. I just miss the noise. Of his messages and seeing his texts where we would talk about dumb shit, but I als want to heal. I’m not sure what to do or if I’m the asshole.