AITAH for cutting contact and ignoring a couple of messages from my mil. Sorry this is long. For some background my husband died 6 months ago and we have 2 children 3 and 18 months. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in 2019. Prior to this I had a good relationship with his parents but there’s always been a lot of dismissing of inappropriate behaviours between all members of the family. When my husband was diagnosed we lived with my in laws for 6 months while we got our head around things. I did not want to do this and decision were made without consulting me. I accepted the situation but was extremely depressed and even a bit suicidal at certain points but my husband at the time felt his family would be a good support. They weren’t. I was his only caregiver throughout the duration of his treatment, stuck in a house i had no space or privacy. I also supported his mental health as they destroyed it along the way (eg making fun of him for being scared of dying etc) once we moved out we had an ok relationship with them but id be lying if I said I didnt carry resentment towards them and his siblings for a range of issues but was always polite and hoped things would change. All of which were swept under the rug. 5 years passed, treatment was going well and we had our 2 children. When I was pregnant with my youngest my in laws agreed to look after our first (My mil would have probably lost it if I asked anyone else.) while I was in hospital. I spent most of my days off work at their house helping him get used to them and their house (never left him there, i was there still caring for him) a few months later they posted in the family chat dates of their travel plans for the year. One trip was 2 weeks right over my due date. We raised this with them and things got heated. They told us we are all a burden and we take advantage of them which was very surprising to me because I had a traumatic childhood that shows up by me relying very little on other people. They also told us they dont care about grandchildren and it wouldnt matter to them if they didnt see them (they begged everyone in the family for grandchildren for years).

We attempted to repair things with them multiple times and everytime they doubled down so we went lower and lower contact with them for 2 years up until my husband’s death. Anytime we would see them they would tell us to get over it and move on. We would say not until things are acknowledged and repaired instead of rug sweeping. My husband suddenly went downhill and on going to hospital found out the cancer was back and everywhere. It was very unexpected. He begged his parents to make things right. His dad finally apologised. The family came together for his final 2 weeks of life. I had brought him home with palliative care to die at home. I was still the sole person caring for him in everyway as well as our 2 children while completely heartbroken about the situation. I asked them to sit with him one morning to take my daughter to the doctor and as soon as I was gone they immediate said they were victims and I ruined their family. On his death bed my husband yelled at them and told them to get out. Still when he passed I called them so they could sit with him etc and split his ashes with his parents and siblings. They left me to do everything for his memorial and on the day despite having rsvped his mum didnt attend. No text no call, before or after. I messaged her a week later asking for an explanation. She blocked me. Now 6 months have passed and she has reached out saying we should do coffee and she is free for baby sitting and helping with cooking because she promised her son she would be there for us so i should believe her word. Even if she was sorry which shes never said she is, I just dont want her around and I dont want this family near our children. My husband told me on his death bed to trust my instinct when it came to them and not to feel bad about cutting and running. People keep asking if ive been in contact and whether Ill forgive them and let them back in as if thats something I should be aiming for. That it would be good for the kids to have them. We have friends and other family that have been absolute top tier support. In my mind I think this family is all so crazy and toxic, but AITAH? Should I be giving them another chance? Is my trauma history clouding this? Thanks