“AITA for refusing to go to my SIL’s baby shower and now the rest of the family is following?”
This started soon after my brother married Ruby. At the time everyone seemed to really like her and my older sister and I were part of her bridal party. Her wedding was around 5 years ago.
Soon they were talking about trying to kids and they were stuggling with infertility issues. Ruby was quite upset but it got a lot worst when my older sister ( she was 26 at the time) got pregnant. Ruby was snappish and mean to my oldest sister and people tried to be very mindful since she was struggling. When the baby was born Rudy didn’t send anything.
I got pregnant my senior year of college, it was an oops baby and I only told my mom because I was unsure what to do. I was a heavy drinker at family events and when I wasn’t drinking, my grandma joked I must be pregnant and my face gave it away. That is how it came out, I didnt plan to tell the family like that.
Ruby ( in short) lost her shit at me. She yelled at me about how I don’t deserve a kid and called me a lot of names. My mom tried to make her stop but she yelled at her also, and told my mom she deserved the still birth she had. The whole thing was horrible.
When I gave birth and I posted pictures online, she made a post saying some people don’t deserve kids. She has not apologized. The issue, Ruby is pregnant and she is having her baby shower. All the women in the family got an invite. I talked to my mom about it and decided not to go. My mom is also not going and everyone seems to be following my lead on this.
We all RSVPed no and my brother called me asking me to come. I told him no and it started an argument. He says his wife has been crying about being hated by the family and want everyone to make up. I told him that isn’t my problem and this is her fault.
He wants me to suck it up and come still and has texted me multiple times about it. I know if I don’t go no one else will especially since my mother hates Ruby after that argument
edit: Because people asked, no we probably won’t have a relationship with the baby If nothing changes. I already don’t allow my kid near her, I have a strict if you are mean to me you don’t have access to my kids ( sister has the same)
Mom probably will not be a grandparent to the child either, she will not put up with someone she hates to have access to a kid ( she is not that type of person)
This is what people had to say to OP:
Upset-Law3802 said:
She told your mom she deserved a stillbirth and said you didn’t deserve your child. She can cry about family support all she wants, but you don’t owe her your presence.
AdvancedFune said:
Your brother wants everyone to “make up” but where’s the apology? Where’s the accountability? You don’t get reconciliation without repair.
dncrmom said:
NTA what did your brother get for you and your sister when your babies were born? He doesn’t get a free pass because of his gender. His wife treated both of you awfully, and never apologized or made amends.
OP responded:
My brother congratulated us in private. It was really clear this was only form him because she was making remarks in person ( before oldest sister birth) and online ( with me)
mikesbabymomma81 said:
NTA… she’s got more problems than infertility. A baby is not a quick fix for a shitty person. I dealt with infertility for 10 years and never made it someone else’s problem. People who do that are self-absorbed ahs and a baby doesn’t magically make that go away. Good for you and your family.
Repulsive_Location said:
The cheek, “None of you deserved your babies, now come celebrate mine.” GTFO with that. NTA.
Ordinary-Audience363 said:
ESH. Even if Ruby was awful it’s still you brother’s child. TBH I have a hard time believing this story. People don’t throw themselves baby showers. And the fact that no one is going despite it being your brother’s baby, too, is weird. Are you all going to ignore the child after it’s born, even your mom, who is a grandmother?
OP responded:
My mom probably will not be a grandparent to the child if nothing changes. They definitely have a long long way to go before my mom is in the kids life. My mom isn’t baby crazy and definitely won’t deal with someone they hate just to have access to a grandkid ( she isn’t that type of person, you can’t emotional blackmail her)
My mom doesn’t invite her to any holidays and I doubt SIL will allow a relationship with the kid without my mom and her making up. SIL has not apologized to my mom and used her still birth against her, kinda hard to come back from.
