“AITA for not siding a friend for treating restaurant staff rudely when they served her a cocktail instead of a mocktail she ordered?”
A restaurant incorrectly served my friend a cocktail instead of a mocktail which caused her to get an itch & then got understandably upset & rudely made the staff apologize. While I agree the restaurant made a serious mistake, I found her behaviour uncalled for.
She then said she is no longer comfortable with going out with me because my disagreement to her reaction was alarming to her as she said could have landed in a serious situation.
Story
Friend & I met for dinner & she ordered a mocktail. She later complained she tasted alcohol & started feeling itchy. (She can drink but sometimes might experience a rash if she’s had too much).
A waitress suggested it might be non-alcoholic substitutes mimicking the flavour & promised to check but due to how busy the restaurant was, she forgot to come back. When the bill came, we saw a cocktail charge & that’s when we realized that my friend was indeed served a cocktail instead of a mocktail.
The waitress apologized profusely for the mistake & adjusted the bill immediately, admitting she accidentally gaslighted my friend earlier & my friend got visibly angry. When the waiter who took her mocktail order came to clear plates, she took the opportunity to confront him.
As he was caught off guard, he gave a dismissive “Oh, ok,” which made her angrier. When the waitress returned, my friend vented again in a “talk down” tone, reminding her of the “gaslighting” earlier. The waitress’s tone shifted from bubbly to sounding like she was about to cry while she listed out the mistakes on her part & apologized on behalf of her coworker as well.
My friend then demanded the original waiter return to apologize personally & he did so visibly shaken & scared. The restaurant manager stepped in as well, but my friend remained rude & demanding when asking for the APV just in case she needed to see a doctor later & her tone was all like “Just give me a number, I need to know a number.”
FYI, 10 minutes after we left the restaurant, her itch went away.
The manager later texted me to offer a full refund and my friend wanted me to send a collective “we” feedback, harping about how serious the mistake was, about the itch, the poor service recovery & the lack of concrete action & goodwill.
I personally can empathize that restaurant staff are human & oversight happens & I also do not condone the way she spoke to the staff as she was very rude, so I told her she could share the feedback directly herself. I also emphasized to her that I agreed it was a grave mistake on the restaurant’s end, but felt her reaction toward the staff who were clearly shaken was out of line.
She doubled down, citing a friend’s experience with peanut allergy to justify her behaviour. Later on, she said that she no longer feels comfortable going out with me because she found it alarming that I thought she overreacted as she could have landed in a more serious condition.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Patient_Library_253 wrote:
YTA. I worked in the service industry and this was a big mistake on the restaurant’s part. We take food allergies seriously, and the staff really messed up by gaslighting and lying for each other. It was only a small rash this time but what about next time when a customer has a peanut allergy? Support your friend.
ShirleyDR wrote:
YTA. Drinking alcohol unwillingly and then getting gaslighted about it is no minor incident. You should have been more supportive, during and after the interaction. I would have been furious if a waiter had put alcohol in my drink against my wishes. Your friend could (and perhaps should) file a complaint against the restaurant.
What if she was a recovering alcoholic or pregnant? The waiter didn’t know why she chose a non-alcoholic beverage l and yet served her one. Her (justified) reaction may have helped to prevent similar incidents in the future.
Stepinfection wrote:
Yeah YTA. I would be with the staff if they apologized immediately and swapped the drink but it sounds like they lied until they were caught out. Your friend has an allergy (which seems bad to me but what do I know) but they could be in recovery or following a specific religion which would make alcohol a huge no-no.
Your friend was rude but it sounds like she wasn’t rude until after she found out the staff lied and was dismissive. It’s truly not okay to dismiss: “hey I think this had alcohol, it tastes like it and I’m itchy because of an allergy”. I would say E S H but I do think the peanut analogy has merit.
AdAdmirable433 wrote:
Honestly, YTA. It is an absolutely horrible error for a restaurant to make and then pretend didn’t happen. Maybe it’s nbd for your friend to get itchy, but people who are sober and trying to blend in, people on medications, etc, etc, etc. There can be SERIOUS consequences for people.
You CAN’T give people ordering mocktails a cocktail on accident. When they ask you to double-check, you don’t give them bad information that can easily be seen on the tablet.
I’m not saying they should be arrested and put on a list to be tarred and feathered, but the restaurant has to know. Maybe your friend was rude, but the action by the restaurant warranted a response and management needed to know. I mean the demanding an apology etc etc seems dramatic.
You “standing up for the little guy” sounds more like virtue signaling than anything else. “ I personally can empathize that restaurant staff are human & oversight happens.” Yeah, most people can. Honestly, you both sound insufferable and should remain friends 🤷♂️
