“My BF gave me an ultimatum: my best friend’s wedding or him?”

F(26) here. It’s about my boyfriend M(27). Also, we’ve been dating for 2 years now. My best friend’s wedding is going to be on the same day as my boyfriend’s birthday. My best friend was really excited when she sent me the invitation—she genuinely wants both of us to come. Yes, both of us. She’s inviting my boyfriend too since they were workmates for a few months.

The thing is, it’s also his birthday that day. Of course, I want him to be my date to the wedding—especially since it’ll be our first time attending a wedding together. I was really excited when I told him over the phone that he was invited, but I didn’t expect his reaction.

He ended up sulking all day because it’s his birthday and it felt like he was making me choose between them. I assured him that we could celebrate his birthday in the morning—I even have a surprise planned

The wedding is in the late afternoon, so I thought we could do both. I never said I wasn’t going to celebrate his birthday. It’s just that I can’t control the fact that my best friend’s wedding and his birthday fall on the same day.

They both mean so much to me. But when I tried to explain that my best friend’s wedding is a once-in-a-lifetime event—he got even more upset. I also reassured him that this doesn’t make his birthday any less special, but he’s still sulking about it. I don’t know what to do anymore. Is this still healthy?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

TurdTampon said:

Whilst he’s allowed to value his birthday, he also has to realize other things are important and he can still be celebrated, on the day, or in the days surrounding. Don’t miss your best friend’s wedding, this is one of those where you just say I love you and will celebrate your birthday, but this is my best friend and not going to isn’t an option…

I’d love for you to come and we will have a great day which includes celebrating your bday…if you’re determined to not come, that’s unfortunate but I’m sure you appreciate I have to go, ideally with you, but I will be going.

harkandhush said:

He’s acting like a baby. Tell him you’re going to the wedding and he can come if he can behave like an adult or you’ll just go alone. Or just go alone either way, you’ll prolly have more fun without him.

lh123456789 said:

The year my friend lost his mom, I went to her funeral on my birthday. You can’t control when other’s life events happen. You CAN control being there for your friends when they absolutely want you to be there. I can’t imagine this guy is a good partner. This is crazy selfish, and more the behavior of a 14-year-old, not an almost 28-year- old.

Paindepiceaubeurre said:

Your boyfriend is being selfish and childish. He’ll have many more birthdays. Your best friend will (hopefully) only get married once. By the sound of it, you’ve offered a very fair compromise.

It’s not like you’re going to ignore him on his birthday. You can also celebrate his birthday either before or after. Go to your friend’s wedding, with or without him. You’ll regret it if you don’t and will damage your friendship. Don’t let him emotionally blackmail you. By the way, are you in the wedding party?

afrobeauty718 said:

This is a red flag. Everyday is somebody’s birthday. You can celebrate his birthday in the morning and when you return from the wedding. He can come with you or not. But you should go to the wedding. He is testing your limits for more controlling behavior and willingness to put up with his crap.

honeypeanutbutter said:

Reminds me of the time my best friend told the guy I was dating, “I’m not sure if you’ll be at her wedding, but I definitely will.” Agree with everyone else, he’s acting like a brat and testing limits here. Don’t budge, and honestly if he puts up anymore resistance, go alone because he will certainly be crappy on the day.

classicicedtea said: