AITAH for not inviting them to my wedding / wanting them to meet my fiancé
A couple who is not my biological parents raised me from 2-12. (Could be considered family friends via marriage) They were pretty strict but I was also a moody child so while they loved me, it was difficult for all three of us. At 12 I went to a different couple and we didn’t talk much. From 18-19 got back in touch and crashed with them for about 9 months. Then no contact up until about 10 months ago. (I am now 31) We’ve had maybe 7 phone calls and two lunch outings and I just got engaged. I don’t feel I trust them enough to invite them to meet my fiance nevertheless to our small wedding. (50 people including wedding party) (also, I am not inviting anyone from my side. No mom or dad or cousins, by my choice. The idea just makes me uncomfortable – so this is not singling them out) I was taking to the wife last week and she brought the wedding up and asked for an update. I told her we were keeping it small and then leaving for the honeymoon. She got upset and told me that I am ‘not allowed’ to get married until they meet my fiance and that they need to be invited. I shut down mentally as a child again and just didn’t reply and she went on for about ten min and then said bye.
Am I wrong? Heartless? Or is this fully in my right?
Edit to add context that I had no idea would be needed::
Not trusting : through the years of no contact, they’d find where I work or lived (at one point I was at a funeral) and they would show up and speak in what I felt was a harsh way and I didn’t love that when I was not wanting contact, they’d pop up. It just became hard to let them in intimate parts of my life. That’s why for this time I’ve been good with us talking on the phone and occasional public lunches so I felt I could still keep my privacy until I can decide if I want more family relationship with them. Example of the harsh speak would be asking why I wasn’t in college / having a ‘proper career’/ goijg to church / why did I date this person / why didn’t I tell them about this, that, the other.
Went no contact at 19 again mostly due to different lifestyles. I was sewing wild oats as a teen / gal in her 20s and they were in their 50s and as notated above, they really wanted me to live a certain life that YES, now I see could have been heartier but I was a difficult teen / young adult.
Over all it seems a decent conclusion that I’m being selfish, with a few giving me the grace to invite who I and my fiance deem fitting. I’m definitely going to take this all and think on it. In my youth I was absolutely a rat human and I’ve offerer apologies across the board, but I’ve done work the past two years and healed what I felt was a lot of my, but seemingly not enough. I just want to offer an over all thank you to anyone who gave me parts of their day today to discuss this.
Edit again-
Hi sorry, me again. Idk where I messed this up but my fiance hasn’t said anything about them meeting or coming or anything. The only conversations I typed out was between me and the wife of the couple. My fiance has left this all up to me and told me it’s whatever I am comfy with.
Thank you all again and have the best day!
