“AITA for telling my DIL that I won’t use the tablet and she needs to actually make her kid read?”
My granddaughter is in 4th grade and she struggles in reading. She doesn’t have a learning disability, it is just a subject that she struggles in. Recently, my daughter-in-law had to go back to work ( she was a SAHM) because of financial reasons. She started about two weeks ago and due to this I now babysit after school for an hour or two before they come and pick her up.
I have been having her do her homework in that time. It has become very obvious she is a very poor reader (I would say she is behind a grade in the subject). She asks me all the time to read a question for her, and I have started sitting down with her having her read out loud (which she hates).
She doesn’t know how to sound stuff out if that makes sense and is extremely slow at it. If the word is longer than like 4 letters she doesn’t really get it. Example: we had to sound out the word broken. I have brought it up my DIL and asked if there is any extra reading practice she wants me to do.
She said they have been working on it and will bring her tablet that has some stories she is reading and to just have her read for a bit after homework is done. This is the issue, DIL gave me the tablet and headphones and told me where the app was. We finished the homework and I told her to read her story. The app reads it out loud….
Grandkid doesn’t even follow along….she just kinda stares and sit there. So I took the tablet and gave her a children’s book and made her read it. I would give her a min or two and then have her tell me what happened on that page. And have her show me any words she doesn’t get and have her sound them out.
When my DIL came back, I informed her what happened and handed back the tablet. She was upset that I am not using the tablet and read along are helpful. I told her her daughter is not reading along, and she actually needs to practice reading not listening. She got mad at this and asked it was questions her parenting and I said no but it doenst change the fact she needs to actually practice reading.
She has been pissed since and my son called telling me to use the tablet. I also said no and she will be reading physical books and if he has a problem with that then he can get another babysitter. They are pissed at me but are still having me babysit. My husband thinks they are being idiots but I could have been nicer about this.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Katerh wrote:
NTA. Normally, I agree with deferring to the parent, but not here. This child learning to read properly is a critical skill and her parents are failing her by not working with her to improve this. If she doesn’t get caught up soon, she will be perpetually behind her peers. I think your boundary is reasonable and is an important enough issue to insist on it.
She will be reading from books at your house and if the parents are that opposed, they can find another person to watch her. I think her parents are absolute assholes for not taking this more seriously at her age. The girl is in 4th grade, not 4. The longer they wait, the harder the correction will be.
LooseGooselogic wrote:
As a former elementary school teacher, if she is struggling that much she is at least two or more grades behind and needs serious intervention. There are some very startling statistics about children literacy around 3rd grade and their future.
She needs to be reading out loud to you. A fun way to do it is she read a page and then you read a page. Some apps on the iPad that she could use are Hooked on Phonics, Khan Academy Kids (free), teach your monster to read (free). NTA.
Severe-Possible wrote:
NTA. As an educator, THANK YOU. This is a big reason why this generation is so behind. parents are using iPads as babysitters, kids are overstimulated constantly, and not practicing the skills they need. you absolutely did the right thing. Based on what you have said here, if she had to sound out the word “broken”, I can tell you she’s probably somewhere around grade 1-2 reading level.
EDIT: Her parents have to know this is an issue. There is no way a teacher (or last year’s teacher, or the one before) would not have brought this up with them. Had your DIL ever mentioned that before?
Glass_birds wrote:
OP!!! AND ANY OTHER INTERESTED PARTIES (including parents w/ kids struggling to read like this kiddo!!) Please listen to the first six episodes of “Sold a Story” . It’ll blow your mind. (**Edit to add – it’s a podcast. Further edit – they keep investigating so there’s more episodes, but to be clear the biggest info for parents is in the first six episodes)
This is a phenomenal investigation into one of the reasons kids have been struggling so much with reading. It’s very well explained, including talking about why kids are even having trouble sounding out words, just like you described.
You might even have your son and DIL listen after you do – it’s heart breaking, but might help convince them that your method of using print books and teaching phonics is a much better way to help your grand kid succeed. I wish you all the best luck, and keep doing what you’re doing – you’re right, and this will help her for the rest of her life.
Affectionate-use6412 wrote:
Teacher here. NTA. They’ve ignored an obvious and major issue all the way to 4th grade simply because technology will read to you. You are right, she needs real books, actual read aloud practice, and comprehension review. Great job standing up for your granddaughter. Just because the work is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t valuable.
