(aitah) Told my sister my mom couldn’t live with me and now she is mad.
My mom lives with my sister. I’ll say this now they have had an argumentative relationship since the 90s. They haven’t gotten along in 30 years. It was an arrangement that benefited both parties in 2016. My sister needed help raising her child while my mom needed a place to stay. My mom doesn’t work by choice and my sister knew this and she still let her come because she needed help at the time. A little background my mom is now on her 3rd fight with cancer. She beat it twice but likes to use it as an excuse why she can’t work.
My wife works in the medical field and she says my mom still should be working. She sees patients everyday with much worse than what my mom has and they still work. Ive held that same opinion. She gave up on work in 2012 and has been milking the kindness of her children who are not wealthy since then.
I’m the only male and I’m the youngest. I have 3 older female siblings who are not as stable as I am. My wife and I put our heads down financially and lived way under our means for 10 years. We almost never have these grand vacations my sisters go on. We planned for a future not the gratification of day to day. That means monthly deposit into accounts for our son and future child. Solid life insurance plans. Retirement. We are pretty broke at the end of the month because we are planning. I can’t afford to help my mom without diverting funds from my children’s future. My sisters and mom don’t live like this. They spend their money now.
I close on my home on Friday. I didn’t want to tell my family because they would look at that as a new place for my mom to go. So my sister comes to visit. We live in two different regions of the country so it’s a big deal she came. Sees I’m packed up in my apartment and asks to see the house. Then tells me mom can live with me now. She can just have a room in your house. What!!!!!???? My sister has been trying to offload my mom for a few years now. She has given my mom till the summer to get out. I immediately give pushback. I tell her no she can’t. I brought this house to grow my family and I’m not willing to sacrifice that. She looks at me and says so it’s ok for me to do it. She was the one who needed help with her child. She works minimum 12 hours a day at most 20 hours a day. She needed childcare so she could work. I on the other hand was responsible and waited until I was ready financially to have my child so I wouldn’t be a burden on anyone.
Now that my niece is 12 and can watch herself my sister is on a mission to remove my mom. The visit has become strained because she feels like I’m being selfish. My mom and I had a plan 2 years ago . She would save a portion of her assistance check monthly and when I did buy my home we would put her a tiny home in my backyard. She would have to come up with the down payment. My mom saved not one dime.
Her real plan was to just wait and see if I would let her move inside of my house. It’s a hard no for me. I’m saving my money to ensure my children have a chance something none of my siblings or my mom did for their children and I refuse to revert funds away from the future of my children to help my mom be lazy. I grew up poor and the bad decisions of my parents ensured I wouldn’t find stability until I gave it to myself. AITAH
