“I (25M) refuse to sleep on the couch when my GF (24F) is upset.”
So I will get this right out of the way, I (25M) and my gf (24F) of 7 years have been having some trouble lately. She sleeps on the couch whenever she is upset with me and there isn’t a resolution in her favor. I don’t raise my voice, I would never be violent, I try my best not to interrupt, etc.
On Valentine’s Day, we decided to skip the rush and just make something nice at home. So we did that and all was well. We ate our dinner and I made some cocktails that we had just begun to drink, and she says that she wants to bring some of the food to her parents to try (they live 30 minutes away).
It was a pretty expensive dinner, so my initial reaction was to clarify that she’s not trying to give away everything, and she was just wanting to make them a plate which I have no issue with. I got distracted by this and didn’t even realize she was wanting to do it right then (9:00PM) and before I realized that she was on the phone telling her parents we were coming.
I was bummed and she could tell so she asked me and I told her that the whole situation kind of annoyed me because we were just about to finally wind down together on V-day. She basically told me that it was too late to change it and “it’s ok, you can be upset.”
So we have a pretty quiet drive to meet her parents, get back home, and she’s pretty much on her phone for the rest of the night. So I eventually get on my phone after staring at the wall for a while.
Then I notice she has started to fall asleep so I nudge her and ask if she wanted to go to bed. She got frustrated and said something along the lines of “not really but if we’re just going to stare at the wall or our phones, I’m going to fall asleep.”
To that, I told her that she got on her phone when we got home. To which she blamed me for because she was looking up a question that I asked LITERALLY 4 HOURS AGO. But she still just got on TikTok after she looked it up. Regardless, I tried to spark conversation after that, and got very short frustrated responses too.
She randomly said “I can tell you are trying to talk to me but I’m really irritated right now.” And I told her that I could tell and that I was making it difficult to talk. Then I went to bed without her and she sobbed and told me I didn’t care about her for hours. And again last night, I went to bed without her because she wanted to sleep on the couch since I didn’t bring stuff up.
She told me that I should be the one sleeping on the couch because it’s her bed… the bed was given to us and is used. We have another bedroom with a bed in the apartment that I pay for completely, but she chooses the couch.
I try really hard not to hold financial stuff over her head, but then she’s trying to take ownership of the bed so I sleep on the couch??? What are yalls thoughts on the situation?
TL;DR: My girlfriend thinks I should sleep on the couch when she is upset.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Cultural_Shape3518 wrote:
I think the fact her first thought on Valentine’s Day in the middle of a theoretically romantic dinner was “I should go visit my parents right now” barely even registers as a problem for either of you amid all the other stuff should really have you asking what you’re both still doing in this relationship.
You can give counseling a try if you’re not ready to give up and she’s willing, but I think I’d be moving into the spare room and looking for other accommodations if I were you.
Opposite-Exam-7435 wrote:
OP I say this as a woman that has been with my partner for over 10 years.. your gf absolutely fabricated a non-issue and then blew it up on herself further. The wanting to go take food to her parents at 9pm right AFTER ya’ll has just started drinking is absolutely insane behavior and not indicative of someone who wants to actively participate in the relationship.
Sounds like a good way to AVOID intimacy (of any sort). The crap with the phone later sounded like she wanted to find a reason to pick a fight…her behavior was incredibly childish and you absolutely shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch when you didn’t do anything wrong.
misterk2020 wrote:
I would think after a nice Valentine’s Day dinner that bedroom activities would be taking place instead of taking her parents a plate of food. She had a very childish response to you being upset and I think you should have been more direct about not wanting to go/inappropriate time. Not a good sign for the future of the relationship.
YR_CAN_Y20231 wrote:
I see a few issues here. The whole let me take this food to my parents at 9PM on Valentine’s Day is weird. No shame in caring for family but the timing is really odd. If she is upset why should you be required or forced to sleep on the couch? If she wants to that’s her deal. The whole make a guy sleep on the couch doesn’t resolve anything and is just an attempt at a power move.
She disregarded your feelings and that’s not okay for anyone to do in a relationship. You communicated how you felt and her response was “it’s okay you can be upset”. That is incredibly insulting. That alone is terrible.
From what you’ve described unless I’m missing something. I see no reason for you to be sent to the couch at all. She is not respecting you and pushing boundaries for sure. I’d stay with taking the high road to see if you can resolve the issues before they become problems. If that can’t be done then look at other options.
