Hey guys. I’m in a bit of situation here. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We are friends since school and started dating after moving to college. Things were good in the first year and started going downhill after that. He would act so crazy sometimes that I would question my whole decision of entering this relationship. These red flags started appearing and now it’s almost three years and I’m dying here thinking if I should have ended things way back because now whenever I try to break-up with him, he somehow convinces me that he’s gonna get his act together and we’re back to giving it another try.
It’s been like that for the whole last year. For example, last year around valentine, we had a fight and he decided to break up with me. Then he proceeded to text my best friend about how he always liked her and could never tell her because of me, as a way of getting back at me. The funny thing is my friend hated him to the core and had blocked him everywhere but he was so desperate to get back at me that he literally texted her on a payment app.
Even the first time we got physical isn’t a very good story because I was really scared to do it but all he did was just tell me don’t be scared and push me to keep trying and would get really angry because he would visit me and travel for 4 hours and he’s still not getting sex. This continued for months until we could finally do it. I’ve tried to bring these things up and talk to him about it but it would never end in a good way and always in a fight because he would never even acknowledge that he did any wrong.
He used to abuse me in anger when I would be tired of explaining things to him and wouldn’t talk to him for sometime. He even once abused me so badly just because I wasn’t listening to him for this very minor thing and once also held me by wrist and pushed me. I’ve been telling him to take me on a date since last valentine, it has still not happened. I love going out but we have not gone out since a long time because he always has excuses and ruins things at the end moment.
Apart from these things, he is also very affectionate and loves me gently. He doesn’t think twice before spending money on me. He keeps telling me how much he loves me and doesn’t hold back when he has to reassure me about his love for me. He always takes out time to visit me on weekends which consumes his money and time but he doesn’t care about it because he loves me. But all this has been limited to just words recently because no matter how many times he says he’s going to change, he hasn’t. Even his views on things like politics, women and clothing are very contradicting to mine and are borderline misogynistic. We have had fights about my clothes when I would wear a slightly low-neck top or tight-fitted one.
However, our recent incident that happened yesterday forced me to really give him this ultimatum. One of our school friends is in the city and texted me yesterday if I wanted to meet. The last time I met him was in 2024 when he came to visit his sister in the same city. I told him yes. We were all in same class in school along with my sister so we decided that we both will go to meet him and show him some places around. I told my bf about this. The first thing he said was you’re not going, anything else? The tone was so offensive and controlling that I directly told him that I’m going and that’s it. He didn’t talk to me for the whole day. I even called him several times to ask what happened and he didn’t talk properly. I stopped calling him after 3-4 tries and when I asked him to explain what the issue is, he just said that he wants me to listen to him without any fight.
He argues that I can’t agree to a single thing he says without fighting. This is after when he once met our common friend who is clearly interested in him and even gave her a bike ride. I explained him all of this yesterday and told him seriously that he either has to change or I’m going because all of this has started to feel like a burden and I can’t take it anymore. I have started to doubt if I even love him because now I don’t even want to date him or anybody else, I just want to be single. He even told me that I might have commitment issues and that it has nothing to do with how he behaves.
So AITAH for giving him an ultimatum because he can’t get this act straight or do I have commitment issues and trying to find ways to blame it on him.
