“Perfectly acceptable dinner rejected by boyfriend again.”
My boyfriend is a very picky eater. We have been living together for a few months and it seems like I can never get his food right. It’s honestly discouraging. I have kids, they happily eat my food. I cook for family gatherings and church events. I’ve never had a problem with people eating my food.
It’s like every day there are new rules. He can’t eat chicken for dinner because he had chicken for lunch. He isn’t really in the mood for pork chops. It’s just “missing something”. He doesn’t eat onions, tomatoes, fish, any kind of asian food, he doesn’t eat most vegetables with the exception of broccoli.
He only eats vanilla ice cream. He doesn’t like food heated in the microwave (so leftovers are out.) He doesn’t like corn. It’s just endless. I’m old school and trying to be a good partner. He can’t really cook at all. His favorite meal is Hamburger Helper.
I think a lot of it is how he grew up but damn is it frustrating. The first picture is tonight’s dinner. I added more pictures of stuff I have cooked that he won’t eat. Like he will door dash jack in the box. And he’ll be apologetic but it just sucks really bad.
Image 1: Tonight’s dinner (broccoli, baked potato and pork chops)
Image 2: Chicken, broccoli, mashed potatoes and gravy
Image 3: A roast of some sort with meat and veggies
Image 4: A plated soft-shell taco
Image 5: Broccoli, potatoes, carrots and beef
Image 6: Pie
ETA: I’ve been trying to keep up with the comments but it’s overwhelming (in a very sweet and awesome way) đ
A few notes:
1- I know the paper plates are very lazy on my part, I’m not proud of that and I need to do better. Between the kids, the job, the house and school (I’m going to school remotely) I have been cutting corners on things like dishes. not an excuse, just a reason and a commitment to do better.
2- My boyfriend does expect me to cook for him. I cook him dinner every night and lunch on the weekends. He doesn’t eat breakfast and will not take a lunch to work. He buys fast food for lunch during the week.
3- He has not been diagnosed with ASD or ADHD or Arfid but I don’t rule anything out.
Mostly I just want to say thank you, I was not prepared for how incredibly kind, helpful and insightful people have been. It is deeply touching and it’s given me both peace and guidance for my next steps. đ©·
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Creighton2023:
Stop cooking for him. He can cook/order what he wants. Youâre just wasting food otherwise. But whatâs with the paper plates? You can get really cheap plates at goodwill or even new ones at target.
OP responded:
It’s very bad of me. I work full time, he and I commute together to the big city and it’s an hour each way. I’m also going to school remotely too. Between that and the kids and the housekeeping… but those are excuses and I know. I’m just trying to stay afloat most days.
Regarding the first picture:
The first pic is boneless porkchops, it’s the first time I have made him porkchops and we had a conversation when I was meal planning where he said he would be open to pork chops. I did a rub with seasoning salt and then dredged them in seasoned flour, pan fried them with oil and butter. The children enjoyed them very much. He wouldn’t try them though.
TrickInvite6296:
does he expect you to make meals for him?
OP responded:
Definitely yes. And I really don’t mind at all, I just get frustrated because his food preferences are very narrow and so often I end up cooking a separate meal just for him because I don’t think it’s good for the kids to eat the same 4 things all the time.
sophietheadventurer:
Is this the same boyfriend who has wildly different political views to you? Maybe time to drop him to the curb
RepostFrom:
Any kind of Asian food? Having traveled to 7 counties in Asia i have no idea what that means. They eat everything?
OP responded:
Fair about the asian food. He won’t eat sushi, won’t eat dumplings, won’t eat stirfry, won’t eat fried rice or rice noodles, won’t eat tofu or … ok it’d probably be faster to list what he does eat:
ground beef, potatoes, chicken without bones, rice to a degree, cheese, chili, pickles, sausage, green beans (only italian cut and only out of a can,) canned stew, fast food hamburgers with no vegetables on them, fast food tacos with only meat and cheese on them, vanilla ice cream, beef jerky…
ArcticPoisoned:
Iâll be your boyfriend!!!! (I am a 29 year old woman)
OP responded:
This is my favorite comment thread, thank you đ
thomasinanna:
I say this with love OP but this relationship sounds exhausting. You’re working very hard with your job, giving your children delicious meals, making informed decisions on what news you consume in this crazy world.
You sound like a lovely human being! And I’ll ask something that was once asked to me: Does this man make your life BETTER? Note I’m not asking if you love him, but does he improve your well-being, happiness etc etc like you do for him? What is he bringing to your life?
OP responded:
had to read this a few times and sit with it. He listens to me, he reminds me to take my medicine, he drives and I am such a nervous driver, he cares when I cry, he makes me laugh. If I am truthful it hasn’t been good for my health. I do too much and neglect my health. But don’t women do that? Don’t we burn brightly for the people we love and it always has a cost, doesn’t it? Isn’t it always like that?
OP added:
Hi, that was all very hard to read. I am a real person and this is really my life. I didn’t mean for things to get this deep on this post but they have and I can’t unring a bell now. Finding a therapist sounds like a do-able step.
just wanted a normal, stable, safe, predictable life. I don’t think I’ve ever had that and it’s looking like this is not it either maybe. I try really really hard to be a good mom and a good person. I’ll talk to a therapist. Thank you
Mini update in the comments 2 days later:
I think things are changing. Just me posting the post was a sign to myself that I am not happy with the status quo. I’m generally a pretty patient person. But like last night I made him chili dogs and fries because that is something he will consistently eat and I was cooking something for the kids that I knew he wouldn’t eat.
When I took it to him he said “You’re not going to believe this but I had chili dogs for lunch.” And I blurted out “I don’t care.” We were both shocked I think and I went back to the kitchen.
The next day OP posted another small update:
This was tough love and I thank you for it. This post was just me venting from my kitchen into the void but turned into something very different. Apparently there are a lot of things that I thought or think are normal that are maybe not normal at all.
I made a decision to start therapy, it’s fully covered through my job and I think it’s going to be helpful to have a sane adult that I can talk to about all of it. I know it might not be the big step people would like me to take but I just don’t trust myself fully right now to be making big decisions. Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you and let you know that I did read your comment and that it did help me.
2 days later OP posted another small update:
Thank you, this was very thoughtfully written. I am still trying to sort out what to do, I want to make the right decision with a cool head. I think it’s leaning very much in that direction.
Tonight I set his plate in front of him and he looked at it for a minute, got up and took it back to the kitchen. He came back with some chips. I said “not good?” He said “no.” And I didn’t offer to make him anything else, didn’t ask him what was wrong with it, I just said “Oh okay.” And shrugged and went back to my dinner.
That shook him up I think because he is not used to me being nonchalant about it. So I feel like something has changed, my mindset is changing. I’m grateful for the encouragement and all the good advice, I am continuing to read the comments and replying when I get breaks. It might be pathetic but I don’t really have any grownup friends to talk to about this stuff so this has been helpful
25 days later OP posted, “He’s not going to eat these pork chops. đ”
About a month ago I made a post here because my boyfriend didn’t want to eat the pork chops I cooked for dinner. Well tonight I made pork chops again and he’s not going to eat these either because we broke up and he moved out. I’m so much better off and I just wanted to thank you all for the kind words and advice, it was very eye opening to me. I wish that I could invite you all to dinner đ„°
Image: more yummy food
ETA : Couple of notes:
1- The yellow stuff is smashed potatoes with cheese on top.
2- I swear that butter on the broccoli melted right after that picture LOL
ETA part two:
Some people have asked for recipes. I’m not a fancy cook and it isn’t anything very special or original but here goes:
For the pork chops, I take them out of the fridge 30 mins before I cook them so that they are room temperature. I salt them when I take them out too. Then I mix some flour with seasonings. This time I used salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, and chili powder.
I dredged the pork chops in the seasoned flour before frying them in a little oil over medium high heat. I do two or three minutes a side to get nice color then I drop the heat to low, put a lid on it and cook until my meat thermometer says they are 145 F inside. I remove them from the heat and let them rest three to five minutes, covered.
For the smashed potatoes I boil the potatoes in salted water until they are fully cooked. Then I oil a sheet pan, smash the potatoes with a potato masher. You’re not trying to make puree, it’s not mashed potatoes, you are just smashing them once or twice each.
Then I drizzle them with olive oil, add whatever seasonings I want and bake them in a very hot oven (425 or 450) until they are crispy (ten or fifteen minutes, watch them!) The kids wanted cheese on them so I put the cheese on two or three minutes before I took them out of the oven.
Here’s what people had to say to OP after this update:
Fun_Button5835:
Were you the one where he would order Jack in the Box and eat it lukewarm instead of eating your home cooking?
OP responded:
Yes đ he would doordash jack in the box.
VatoCornichone:
Ngl you had me in the first half.
OP responded:
Haha imagine I was coming back to post that I was still feeding that man?? I would’ve gotten run out of town!
EPIC_NERD_HYPE:
does your bf know that everyone online detests him? your last post got 100k upvotes.
OP responded:
I have heard through mutual friends that he has seen the original post about it đ
OP added:
It wasn’t just the pork chops. He was critical about everything. And I spent a lot of my time and energy trying to make an unhappy man happy. He almost never had anything good to say about anything I did. He criticized Christmas presents I gave him, he dictated how I dressed and how I spent my time.
He’d play video games all weekend while I cleaned the house, if I wanted to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon he would ask why I was being lazy. Nothing was ever good enough.
There was a lot going on. I had just let it get worse and worse. I don’t really talk to anyone in my offline life about my relationships so the reddit post was really the first time that I told anyone anything about what was happening. It was eye opening for me and I’m grateful.
OP clarified:
I broke up with him. It wasn’t right after my last post, but after my last post I made an appointment with a therapist. During my second appointment I just blurted out that I was really unhappy and told the lady everyyyyything. Cried a bunch. Slept on it. Broke up with him the next day. He moved in with his brother that weekend.
AskMrScience
“If I am truthful, I do too much and neglect my health. But don’t women do that? Don’t we burn brightly for the people we love and it always has a cost, doesn’t it? Isn’t it always like that?”
NO, GIRL, IT DO NOT BE LIKE THAT.
I’m so glad OOP listened to the commenters, found a therapist, and dumped the a&^%ve, controlling a&^hat.
keyholes
“Cried a bunch. Slept on it. Broke up with him the next day.”
I love a happy ending.
vanityinlines
Hell yeah, a post where I can finally be proud of OP.
OP responded:
Awww thank you!! I’m so much happier!! đ„°
