AITAH for accepting my stepdaughters’ apology but not wanting to be close like we used to be?
I’m 50 and my husband is 50. He has two daughters who are now 25 and 23. For some context, I met him around 19 years ago, about six months after his divorce. About a year after we started dating, I met his daughters, and at the time they were 5 and 7. When I met them, their parents were already divorced and had 50/50 custody.
From what I understood back then, their marriage and divorce involved a lot of jealousy, accusations of cheating, and just overall drama. I want to be clear — I had absolutely nothing to do with their marriage ending. I met him after everything was already over.
When I first came into their lives, we actually had a really good relationship. We were close. After their dad and I got married, we stayed close for years. It honestly felt like the kind of step-parent relationship people hope for.
Things started changing when the oldest was around 12 and started asking more questions about the divorce. At some point, they were told by their mom that I was the reason their parents split up and that I was the woman their dad cheated with, which isn’t true. After that, things slowly shifted. They got more distant, more disrespectful at times, and our relationship just kept getting worse. I didn’t blame them back then because they were kids, and kids usually believe what they’re told.
But once they became adults, it got harder to brush things off. As adults, they’ve disinvited me from major family events, tried to convince their dad to leave me multiple times, and told him they would cut him off if he stayed with me. There were times I basically wasn’t allowed at holidays or family events if they were going to be there. They also didn’t want much to do with their siblings (my kids with my husband).
Over the years, my husband and I tried to explain the timeline and that I had nothing to do with their parents’ marriage ending, and that he never cheated. They never believed us.
Recently, their mom started therapy after getting into a new relationship and apparently realized some of her past views on cheating weren’t accurate. She ended up apologizing to the girls and to my husband and admitted that I wasn’t involved in their divorce and that he didn’t cheat. This all came out recently at the youngest daughter’s birthday party.
After that, both girls reached out and apologized to me. They said they want to fix things and go back to how we used to be when they were younger. I told them I do accept their apology, because I do. But I also told them I don’t think I can go back to having that same close relationship.
At this point, I’m okay being civil, being kind, seeing each other at holidays, and just having a respectful relationship. I just don’t feel like I have it in me to rebuild a super close relationship after everything that’s happened. They’re adults now and living their own lives. The oldest is already engaged, and I’m sure they’ll both have their own families soon.
I don’t hate them. I don’t want drama. I just don’t feel like I can emotionally go back to how things were before. I just want to live my life, finish raising my kids, and have peace.
So, AITA for accepting their apology but not wanting to be close with them again?
