AITAH for refusing to go see my husband’s sick mom?
I (30f) have been married to my husband (33m) for 3 years.
In these 3 years, i’ve visited his parents every single time they’ve needed something. festivals. birthdays. random check-ups. even when his mom had a minor surgery last year, i took leave from work and stayed there for 5 days helping with meals and meds.
Meanwhile, he has visited my parents… twice. both times for 2 days. and both times he was very reserved for the whole time.
When my mom had a bad flu last year and i wanted to go stay with her for a few days, he said, “can you manage it yourself? i have work”
Manage it myself? she’s my mother. i went alone.
When I video call my parents, he doesn’t even sit with me. he’ll either stay in the bedroom or scroll on his phone in another room. sometimes he won’t even say hi. my mom once asked quietly, “is everything okay? he doesn’t seem comfortable with us.”
that hurt more than I expected.
he says i’m overreacting. that he’s just busy. that not everyone is “into family stuff.”
but when it comes to his parents, suddenly it’s “we need to go.” “it doesn’t look good if you don’t come.” “what will people say?”
last month when my dad needed help sorting some legal paperwork, my husband didn’t even call him. not once. i handled everything on my own after work.
now his mom is unwell again. nothing life-threatening, but she’s weak and needs care. he told me we’re going this weekend.
and for the first time, i said no.
i said i’m tired. i said i don’t feel like putting in effort where it’s not mutual. i said it hurts that he expects full daughter-in-law energy from me while giving nothing back to my parents.
he got furious.
he said i’m being petty. that this is about health, not “keeping score.” but it doesn’t feel petty. it feels like i’m finally reacting to three years of imbalance.
i’m not saying he has to worship my parents. but basic respect? showing up once in a while? making a phone call?
why is it always my duty but never his?
and honestly, yes.. technically, i could go this weekend. i’m not dying. his mom is a sweet woman and I really bond with her. I can definitely make it. i’m just… emotionally tired from my husband’s behaviour. I love my parents and really want a nice bond between them and my partner. i’ve a beautiful bond with his parents. i feel bad but i’m really not liking the imbalance here.
so AITAH here for saying no for visiting his sick mom?
