“AITA for not telling my friend’s partner that she didn’t get the job at my company?”

“AITA for not telling my friend’s partner that she didn’t get the job at my company?”

So I’ve taken over the family business along with my sister. Recently a friend of mine, who I always considered a very good friend, started just distancing himself. Yesterday I found out what it was.

A few months ago we opened a position in our company and one of the resumes was [friend’s] gf (she did not know when she applied that it was my company). In order to keep it professional, I wasn’t involved in the process.

My sister did the interview. It was actually kind of awkward because as she was leaving the building, I was walking in. I pretended I didn’t see her because she faltered in her step, clearly recognizing me and said hello and I just said hello back and kept going like I didn’t recognize her which could’ve been genuine since I have not been in a lot of gatherings with her honestly.

Anyway, we ended up going with another person for the job. Apparently friend’s gf sent an email asking for any updates a few weeks after the interview but we never responded to her. My sister deals with the e-mails usually.

My friend is mad at me and said he is greatly disappointed in my handling of the situation. That he was fine with her not being picked but that me not even bothering to send an e-mail and tell her she didn’t get the job is unacceptable in his opinion, considering we are such good friends. I told him I was just keeping it professional and unbiased.

He said it’s totally fine that she wasn’t picked, it was about the fact I didn’t bother to send the feedback and that I pretended to not know her when she was just saying “hi.” He is one of those people that when he is done with you, he is done, he doesn’t want to fight but he clearly doesn’t want to associate much with me anymore. I think he’s just salty on behalf of his GF but I need opinions on this.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

ThisWillAgeWell wrote:

YTA. But your friend’s reasoning – “considering we are such good friends” – is misguided. The reason you and your sister are AHs is NOT that this particular applicant deserved a personal reply based on her status as your friend’s girlfriend.

The reason you and your sister are AHs is because this woman was a job applicant – what’s more, an applicant good enough to make it all the way to interview stage! – and STILL neither of you could be bothered telling her that she was unsuccessful. Not even one line via email or SMS.

I’ve applied for many jobs during my working life, and I came to detest employers who never bothered to reply. Every applicant deserves a reply, no matter how brief. It means they can then stop holding on to hope for that job, and direct their efforts elsewhere. Three times you said that you tried to be professional. True professionals don’t ghost job applicants. Only AHs do. Do better.

ThunderDefunder wrote:

Your real screw up was the greeting. If you had greeted her properly in a friendly manner, they might be a lot more open to your explanation that you were not involved in the hiring process. Instead, the awkward, impersonal encounter combines with ghosting her as a candidate to give the impression that you’re treating her poorly specifically.

Look at it from their perspective. What are they to think when you pretend not to know her and then she’s ghosted by the job? If your friend is really going no contact, then he’s overreacting a bit, though. All the same, I think YTA.

awespark wrote:

YTA. Removing yourself from the hiring process is fine and even admirable. But that does not excuse how you apparently treat candidates.

It takes nothing to send a simple decline email — and for candidates who actually made it to the interview stage, it’s just common professional courtesy to acknowledge and thank them for their time even if (perhaps especially when) you’ve decided to go with another candidate.

And given the personal connection, it was even more imperative that your company be intentional in your communications. You needlessly exacerbated the situation by practically ignoring her when you ran into her. You were under no obligation to hire your friend’s girlfriend (or even interview her), but you absolutely should have treated with her respect. You missed the mark, big.

twelveoct wrote:

YTA in both cases. Ignoring someone you know shows a lack of character, especially as a company leader. Ghosting a candidate that has interviewed sends the message that you’re probably not a company where people will want to work. It is really classless.

Sea_Register1095 wrote:

Your company policy to not let candidates know they weren’t chosen sucks, so I agree with your friend. Getting all the way to an interview and then being ghosted while waiting and hoping for a positive answer is really hard. It’s not that difficult to even just send an email saying “thank you for applying but we went with someone else.”

Don’t leave people hanging like that. It may not be a big deal to you when considering new hires, but it is a very big deal to the person who applies and then comes in for an interview. I have to wonder what other ways you are cluelessly inconsiderate to those you hire?

Glassgrl1021 wrote:

Yeah, I think YTA. Removing yourself from the process was the right thing to do, but there was no reason to pretend not to know her. I also would have told my friend that I saw that she applied and that I was letting someone else do the interviews to remain unbiased. Instead you were weird an evasive. Sis is the AH too for not following up. It’s super rude when companies do that.