I (25M) was having dinner with my GF(23F) last night and she was preparing a salad. As I was grilling the chicken, she was repeatedly eating out of the salad bowl with a spoon and putting it back in the bowl mixing around and such.This is a common thing that we’ve talked about before. I find it gross and bad manners to eat out serving dishes and put your used utensil back into the serving dish other people are expected to eat out of.Her family does it for almost every dish and if I see it, it grosses me out. I once again asked her to stop or to make herself a bowl and eat out of that rather than the community dish. She got bent out of shape, dismissed my concern, so I ignored it and carried on cooking the chicken.When it came time to eat, she tried to serve me salad(With the same spoon she was eating off) and I politely declind. She then started pestering me why repeatedly. In attempts to stop a fight, I continued to cop out saying “I’m just not in the mood for salad” and other excuses.Until she finally asked me enough to where I reiterated my concern that her reusing her dirty spoon in the bowl turned me off from eating it. She then played the victim about how she spent so much time preparing it for me and that I was being dramatic.She then left me with “If you don’t like that, you would’ve hated to watch me make the rice”. Which I had already eaten and now made me feel unsettled. I was extremely frustrated in this situation because I feel like it’s a valid concern and general manners to not repeatedly eat from a dish others are going to eat from.Furthermore, I felt in a position to be forced into eating something that grossed me out just to validate her feelings while disregarding mine. I’m not bent out over a bite with a clean spoon.Or cutting off and nibbling on little pieces of dinner while preparing dishes. I just get grossed out by dirty wet utensils being mixed around into the clean prepared food everyone is going to eat from. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
aitch54
OK…here’s the thing…in our house we share food all the time. I mean, do you kiss her? Same germs. However, you have asked her to NOT eat out of a serving bowl and she blatantly ignors you. THAT is inconsiderate and rude.
OddDc-ed
Yeah people are poking fun at the whole “do you not kiss?” While glossing over the fact this was something he went out of his way to stress to her he does not like and it makes him not want to eat the food she then not only continued to do it but then copped an attitude.
She doesn’t like being called out for gross food practices? OP doesn’t like eating spit and backwash food. Its worse that he says her whole family does this even if they’re cooking for guests thats just barbaric.
Futile_Resistor
Info: did she make the salad just for the two of you? If yes, then I don’t really understand. I assume you exchange bodily fluids anyway during kissing. I don’t mind if my boyfriend tastes dinner using the spoon used for mixing and then puts it back when we cook just for the two of us. If we cook for other guests then we obviously don’t do that.
NotTheMama4208
I mean, technically NTA but also… you swap bodily fluids and have intimacy and if it’s just you two in the house what difference does it make? Like how is that different?
Good_Narwhal_420
INFO this is the same gf you assumingely swap spit everyday with, right? 🤣 i get not wanting to eat her family’s spit, but you’re probably consuming hers anyways….. unless you’re not intimate at all.
Jagerwiser
You kiss, you have relations, you presumably go down on her. But you draw the line at sharing food and the same utensil. Interesting. Very interesting…
captain_corvid
Eh, you’re NTA but I’m not sure how big a deal it is if it’s just the two of you. You presumably swap saliva with your girlfriend occasionally anyway. My husband and I eat off eachother’s plates/forks occasionally or share a tub of ice-cream with a spoon or whatever, it’s no big deal. I’d not do it with other people though or if one of us was sick.
_merraki
NTA. I get that people are saying that you kiss her so you shouldn’t mind BUT I think it’s just bad manners in general to be putting your used spoon back in a shared bowl. OP mentioned that her family does it too which is where gf learned it from so does that mean OP should be okay with eating at gf family’s house knowing that most likely her parents does that too??
Also what if gf is one of your friends not your partner and she has to bring a dish to a potluck then of course no one wants her spit to be in the dish. Anyways my point is it’s just not a good habit to have no matter who is doing it.
H3yAssbutt
If she were preparing food for more people, I’d totally get being frustrated or even angry. Kitchen hygiene matters there. When it’s just the two of you, I don’t get it. Don’t you kiss this woman, sleep with her? Intimate relationships have different rules about germs. That being said, you did state a boundary and she crossed it, and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth (so to speak). ESH.
