I am in the middle of a very contentious divorce and custody case, and my children have been caught in the middle. We are currently on our third Guardian ad Litem, as the first two asked to be removed.
Three months before this incident, my daughter had just been returned to my custody. As part of the custody orders, the court and the GAL set several stipulations for her: weekly therapy, enrollment in public school, participation in extracurricular activities, spending time with friends, and generally being given the opportunity to live a normal life as a 15-year-old.
I complied with all of these requirements immediately. She was enrolled in public school, attended weekly therapy (an hour away), joined drama club, got a part-time job at Dairy Queen, had a boyfriend, and attended homecoming. I paid her cellphone bill and covered school and personal expenses.
During this time, her father was unsupportive and frequently undermined me. When she complained to him about being asked to do chores, he told her I was an unfit and abusive mother and that she should not be allowed to have a job, friends, or extracurriculars.
Before homecoming, I bought her shoes and paid for a haircut. Her father refused to help with a dress, so I purchased one. She asked for fake nails, which I said no to. After homecoming, I received a bank alert asking if I authorized a DoorDash charge. I did not.
When I checked my bank statements, I found unauthorized DoorDash and Sally Beauty purchases. When I asked my daughter about the nails again, she denied everything. I then showed her the bank statements, at which point it was clear she had used my debit card without permission.
I did raise my voice. I did not threaten to kick her out, abandon her, or leave her stranded at school. I questioned consequences, including whether she should attend a special school field trip. Immediately after, she contacted her father and the Guardian ad Litem and told them I was trying to force her out of my house and planned to abandon her at school. The GAL met with my daughter at school without ever contacting me and told her she would be removed from my custody, that an emergency hearing would be filed, and offered her a ride home from the field trip. Not once did the GAL contact me.
At court, the GAL stated I was an unfit parent without providing concrete evidence, and custody was transferred to my ex-husband.
When my ex-husband arrived with my daughter to retrieve her belongings, I allowed her to take the two suitcases she had already packed. She had known four days prior that custody might change and had not packed anything else. I did not prevent her from having her belongings permanently.
After she left, I packed the remainder of her belongings neatly and informed her that they would be available to retrieve at the next court-approved opportunity. I have not gone back on this.
So my question is: Am I the asshole, manipulative, or abusive for not allowing her to immediately gather everything that day, given the circumstances?
