“AITA for not leaving the house for one weekend as requested?”
Hello,
I need an outsiders perspective on this. I try to be understanding, but I am fuming. I think someone who is not living in this apartment would have a more neutral view on this.The situation: We live in a three-bedroom apartment with three parties. We are all students and pay equal amounts of rent. I am Winston, and the other two are Josh and Sara. Josh spends half his week and most weekends and his girlfriends place. He mostly out of the picture. That just leaves Sara and myself.For me I see this is a living arrangement, because it is. I am friendly with everyone but I keep some distance. I usually spend my days in the library, lectures or at home gaming. Door usually open unless I play with friends or have my gf over. So yesterday Sara approached me with a request. But it felt more like a demand. Her brothers are coming to visit.And since her family does not know she is living with two guys. (She is coming from a Muslim family who might see this as a big deal), she wants to keep it a secret. She is asking me to leave the apartment next weekend and move all my toiletries into my room. The problem for my side are simple: I do not have a place to go. I am not asking my gf to spend the weekend at her place.She is visiting her family this week and won’t be back until next week. We are not at the stage of the relationship where this is something reasonable to ask. If the roles were reversed, I would probably say yes but feel very awkward about this. So…I told Sara that. Where am I supposed to stay? Sleep in the library?She kinda dismissively turned around and told me “That is your problem to solve”. That attitude right there pissed me off beyond words. I am in a pickle. On one hand I am livid. I want to tell her to mind her own business and just deal with the fact that she has male roommates.But Josh – who is closer with Sara and agreed already to spend the time away, reminded me to have an open mind about her situation. I do not feel like spending 150-200 Euros – money that I do not have – on a hotel when I am paying rent. But Sara already told me that she expects me to solve it by myself. She won’t pay for a hotel. Which leads me to the question… WIBTA if I tell Sara to just suck it?On a different note, with this happening I am already starting to look for a new apartment. This is not the first unreasonable request, but the previous ones where tiny in comparison. Like asking me to please store my toothbrush in my room because she does not like neon-yellow as a colour. Gives her a headache every morning. Ended up buying a new brush early.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Necesary-Anybody966 wrote:
NTA. You pay equal rent, your roommates are not allowed to make you leave for any amount of time. Ask Sara if she’ll pay for your hotel! That matches her entitlement just fine.
OP responded:
I did ask her. She said flat out no. Looking a bit annoying and offended by the suggestion.
MangoNlime wrote:
NTA.
“Actually it’s not my problem to solve because I have no problem. I pay to live in this apartment so that’s what I’ll be doing.”
“If you want me to do the favour of giving you space this weekend you can ask me nicely pay to put me up at a nice hotel because why would I inconvenience myself and pay to do it? Otherwise I’ll be going in and out of the room I pay for as and when I please.”
Penny404 wrote:
Nope…NTA. if she had offered to pay for a hotel, or if she even acknowledged that this is a big favor to ask and was nice? Then maybe. But even then it is a big ask and she is acting entitled. And really? The color yellow gives her headaches?
OP responded:
I wish I was making it up. It was my first two months in the apartment and I just got a new toothbrush. Back then I wanted to start on a good footing.
Not long after posting, OP shared two updates.
Update 1: Thank you for the replies and some DMs I have received. I have decided on a plan of action. I will tell her no. I will tell her that I do not have the money to pay for a hotel, that I do not have a place I can simply crash on. I will also have Josh sit in. I have posted a message in the group chat effectively calling for a meeting tonight.
I will explain my situation calmly and why I do not intend to leave on my own dime. That I am happy to play a role in the family visit. To actively show that I have no personal ties with Sara by minding my own business. I like the petty ideas but I am not the type of person to pour gas onto the fire.
Further more, I have put out feelers to look for a new apartment with some friends from university. One friend is looking to move out from his parents place and we get along fine gaming. I think this is the point at which the drama is getting too expensive on my mind. So a clean cut is the best option.
Update 2: This has taken a sour turn. I requested the sit down. Sara took this as a “No” on my part and texted a long rant on WhatsApp. To simplify it and translate it to you from German: “I am not going to let you ruin my relationship with my family. If you do not want to leave, you can pay for the Hotel and I expect you to move out by end of January”
The cherry on top: Josh just posted a thumbs up. Sooo I also got a few things moving. I contacted the landlord about my lease. I asked him for his permission to use him as an emergency contact in case Sara tries something funny like changing the locks on me. He flat out told me to call him first if that happens because then he will call the authorities.
We have a shared lease. We are each listed as tenants and he needs to approve changes to the lease. So I am currently in the bus with my most important documents and I am storing them at my girlfriends place. I explained the situation and she gave me permission to store some of my things. But she also said her roommate would not appreciate a guy suddenly sleeping over when she herself is not there.
I am worried about what else is to come. But I am following the suggestion and precautions texted here and in DMs. I am preparing for a storm.
Here’s what people had to say in response to OP’s updates:
Creepy_Push8629 wrote:
NTA. Make sure you have a lock for your door for when you aren’t home. I would move at least your toothbrush to your room bc I don’t trust her. And tell her to f off bc she doesn’t get to tell you to move out. It’s not her decision. Remind her you were willing to go if she wanted to pay for the hotel, but she is being completely unreasonable.
Virtual-Reaction-490 wrote:
Good for you❗️ Stick to your guns. Tell those brothers that it’s ok because you are gay. 😂😂😂that will get them going, and wink at them😂😂😂 I hope your new place works out. 😊
reservedadnbooked wrote:
Sara is absolutely an entitled AH so please don’t think I’m defending her, but the toothbrush thing could be real. I suffer from migraines and unfortunately two of my migraine triggers are neon yellow and neon pink. I say unfortunately because guess what colours the migraine medication I have to take are? I’ll give you two guesses and I bet you get them both right!
So it’s genuinely a thing that happens, and I can kinda see how first thing in the morning especially that can set you off. She’s still the asshole for demanding he move it and not offering to pay to replace it, but she might not be a liar too.
Not long after updating, OP posted another update:
Update 3: Yesterday evening I went on the offensive. The drama unfolded quite predictably. The advice from the comments here were very helpful on what to brace for. I told Sara no. I told her that even if I wanted to, I do not have the money for a hotel and since I am paying rent and do not have an alternative, I will stay.
Sara was upset. She yelled at me how selfish I am being. Demanded again that I move out be the end of the month. I responded that I will not do that. That I would start looking for an apartment, as I too am sick of this situation here. But that I will use the time I legally have to look for a new apartment. This turned into a circle argument that this is not about legal BS but a matter of principle.
In the end I made my point clear. I will move out eventually. But I also made it clear that I would take my utilities, like the coffeemaker I bought and everyone is using and a greater jab: The washing machine is mine. Theirs broke down a while before I moved in. I bought one for my previous apartment and was happy to bring it. Did not expect anyone to pay shares and put it in as community usage.
This sparked another screaming match. Josh even tried to argue that as it is now communal property, I waived ownership, which is BS. Details to that part are not important. Just more of the same followed for almost an hour. Point is. My important documents are secure at my girlfriend’s place.
The landlord is in the picture and I will update him later today. I also documented the state of my property this morning. Still get the Amazon and Electronic-store receipts just in case for the community property. However, taking some notes from the more petty advices, I will move the coffee maker to my girlfriends place today. She loves this coffeemaker and I figure I rather make her happy than my roommates.
Here’s what people had to say in response to OP’s final update:
Astoryforone wrote:
Lol, tell this girl to grow up and curb her entitlement. She doesn’t own the apartment, her shitty planning means nothing to you. And your items are not ‘communal property’. Good thing your moving because the collective intelligence of both your roommates makes for dangerous living if they decide they’re entitled to some other wild thing. NTA.
onlyoneofmetoday wrote:
I mean she moved on with two males and has been lying to her family the whole time because I’m sure they have asked about her room mates etc so that she is panicking about this is all on her, if her relationship with her family is damaged with you being there is it all on her shoulders not yours.
If her family don’t agree to her living with male friends then she really shouldn’t have done so should she? And then to expect you to disappear so she keeps the peace is wrong. I’m glad you are moving out, and hope the next place is better. The items int he common areas that are yours are still yours because you paid for them, it doesn’t matter if they us either or not it still belongs to you.
theageofawkwardness wrote:
I would be able to tell if men or women were living there even with all toiletries out of sight. Her brothers will figure it out, especially if they are there to check up on her.
