“AITA for refusing to pay off my fiancée’s parents’ mortgage when I could ‘easily’ afford it?”
About two years ago, I (31M) met my fiancee (26F). We have a baby on the way. The due date is in May. I also have a ten year old son from a previous relationship. I am a professional musician. My band has a sizable local/regional following. I also privately teach different instruments to mostly children and do music production for some significantly bigger musicians/bands.
About three weeks ago, my fiancee got a call from her mother. My fiancee is the oldest of three and her younger siblings are in college. Her mom informed her that they received a letter that the “acceleration clause” was being invoked on their mortgage due to months of non-payment and that if they do not pay it off by late February, the house would be foreclosed on.
The house had belonged to my fiancee’s grandmother before it was inherited by my fiancee’s parents about 15 years ago when her grandmother died. The house was paid off, but they took out a mortgage on it because they needed the money. My fiancee lived in the house since she was two years old. My fiancee has asked me to use my savings to pay off the house. It would be about 15% of my savings to do so.
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I have a sizeable amount of savings. Despite my parents not wanting me to go into music, or at least wait until I graduated college, I went into the music industry full-time from the time I graduated high school. It has largely worked out for me. But, knowing the ebbs and flows of the industry, and especially with having a kid so young, I have been very vigilant about savings.
Having a substantial savings account is important to me given my kids (have one, have one on the way, and want to potentially have a third) because I want to be able to pay for college and help them buy a house (things my parents could not dream of doing). Also, you never know when times are going to be lean as a musician.
This is why I am hesitant to want to pay off their mortgage. Additionally, I am concerned about setting the precedent that I bailout the family. My fiancee is quite upset about the whole situation. She says we would not be hurting at all if I pay it off and I have no reason to think that I will not continue to make the amount of money I have made in the last couple of years.
If anything, there is a good chance it will go up. She sees it as I could “easily” pay it but I am refusing to do so. I see it as protecting our long-term financial stability. If a foreclosure happens, her parents will get the equity they have in the house and be able to afford a different place.
While I know she is emotionally attached to that particular house, I do not think it is wise to sacrifice our financial stability for that reason alone. Her parents need to be in a place that they can afford. AITA?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
LibrarianNeat1999 said:
Absolutely you NOT the AH. Her parents don’t manage money well. Thus a problem of their making so they can figure it out for themselves.
teresajs said:
NTA. These folks had a paid-off house. They mortgaged it to spend money they didn’t have. Then, they didn’t pay the mortgage. You absolutely shouldn’t spend your money (not “our” money, as your fiancee says) to fix this. You don’t want to create the expectation that you will be their ATM.
Your fiancee and her family can work together to figure this out. You should consider getting a prenup. If your fiancee handles money in a similar manner to her parents, you might be better off to maintain separate finances.
JeanSchlemaan said:
GET A PRENUP.
True-Tangerine9901 said:
Even if you pay it off, how do you know they will pay the property taxes? they can still lose the house if they are not responsible (and it doesn’t sound like they are). Does someone have gambling problem or something? Where did all the money from the refinance go!?
itammya said:
THIS! Can he and his fiance buy the house from the parents? They can then either A. Rent the property to the parents or Rent it out to another party (basically parents still move out but they keep the property in the family) etc.
Efficient_Most439 said:
NTA. You aren’t their “break glass in emergency” when things get bad.
FriendShapedStranger said:
NTA. “We” would not be hurting? Of course she wouldn’t be hurting because it’s not her money. It’s pretty easy to spend someone else’s money, isn’t it? You’re a musician, not a surgeon. You could make A LOT more money than a surgeon, or it could all go away.
You know that until you have enough money for retirement stocked away, you need to be careful with your finances, which you smartly are. Awesome. I hope you have a prenup in place before the wedding.
