AITAH for refusing to watch my daughter when we meet my husbands friend?
I created this account to post here as my husband knows my user. Sorry if the title doesn’t make any sense.
So, to start this of, I (26f) and my husband (27m) have a toddler (2f). I don’t know how everyone else has it, but our toddler creates so much chaos wherever she is.
She is so curious, she explored everything all the time, loves to rearrange stuff and she runs wherever she needs to go. Basically, she is like what I’ve seen most two year olds be like.
At home, it’s fine. Of course I try to keep her in check. But we have of course childproofed our entire home.
The problem here is that one of my husbands friend and his girlfriend live just five minutes away from us.
My husband and I get invited there almost every weekend, whether it’s for food or just coffee. They are lovely people, but their house is filled with stuff, it’s messy and overall the opposite of our home. No problem, they don’t have children and they like to have stuff around.
The problem is that every weekend, I spend three hours running after her, comforting her when she trips, making sure she doesn’t break stuff or put things in her mouth.
It’s honestly tiring, and the fact that my husband just sits at the table and chat while I run around like crazy for so long irritates me.
When we got invited over two weekends ago, I told him I wouldn’t tag along. I explained my reasons and he told me that I was overreacting and that it’s a normal part of parenting.
I told him that either way, I wasn’t coming. If he wanted our daughter to tag along, he could bring her.
So he did, and he came back after just an hour and was in a bad mood the rest of the day. I asked him how it went and he asked me if I felt happy with myself.
This last weekend, we got invited over once again. I asked him if he wanted to look after her himself or do 50/50 with me. He didn’t respond and went there himself.
He’s been off with me the whole week, making passive aggressive remarks about my ”insane need to always be right”, and yeah, other stuff.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. That was a really baller move on your part and he’s acting like a giant baby.
Yh. He called it a ‘normal part of parenting’ right up until the moment he actually had to do the parenting. Then suddenly, it was so unbearable he had to leave after 60 minutes. Funny how ‘normal’ it is when it’s her job, but it is crisis when it’s his. He’s throwing a tantrum because his human shield against toddler chaos finally took a day off.
Exactly, and he’s also mad because OP is right all along. He just didn’t listen and found out in a hard way. It’s his inability to admit his mistake and ego are the problem here.
NTA. You didn’t go overboard at all. You communicated your reasons enough. It’s your husband who needs to learn how to listen.
This is it exactly. He’s mad that OP was right, and also that she won’t go back to quietly doing all the work so he can have a 3-hr. break every week where he gets to talk to other adults while OP doesn’t get that privilege. I’d say he’s grumpy because it’s very very clear to him that he’s TA and he doesn’t want to own up to that.
OP needs to say something along the lines of this to him… that it’s a normal part of parenting and his lack of parenting thus far is the reason he struggles with her.
