AITAH for taking my nieces to Disney, but no others?
This happened in Nov, but I was inspired by another post yesterday to ask.
Backstory: my husband and I (both 30s) finally felt we got to a financial position to go to Disney World again after 5 years. He has 3 siblings with children, total of 7 kids, age ranges 5-15yrs old (4 of them are between 12-13 at time of incident). We are closest to his oldest sister “B” and her husband “J”, who also have the two oldest kids at 15 “S” and 13 “L”. We live about 8hrs away from all of them, so we only see them 2-3 times a year for long weekends. We usually stay with J/B for these trips.
Due to my husband’s job, we have to plan vacation a year in advance, so Christmas time of 2024 we mentioned to B that we were planning to go to Florida in Nov 2025. She asked about Disney, and we confirmed it was the plan. The next day, she asked us if we’d be willing to take her girls with us, since she and J didn’t exactly want to go back but the girls did. At this point, we already had plans to host the girls in July 2025 at our house so we were trusted to care for them, and B offered to pay for everything for her kids too (hotel, car rental share, food, tickets, etc), we’d just be basically chaperones (one of his childfree sisters joined too, no really drama there minus one comment later). We adore the girls, so we said yes and honestly the trip was some of the best days in our lives.
The problem: Of course this wasn’t going to be a secret and partly during-mostly after-the rest of the family learned about the trip. Now, we haven’t talked directly about this to the other parents, so unsure on their thoughts/hopes BUT regardless, we wouldn’t take any other kids on a trip like this (even if the parents paid). We aren’t as close to the other kids/parents, and a big issue is no one else in the family respects our “no” when we say it. Not the parents, not the kids. The other kids already know we had S and L out last summer, and even something like that we wouldn’t do for the other kids.
Due to this, we’re getting a lot people saying we HAVE to be fair to the other kids and take them to Disney and/or host at our house (including the sister that joined who said we had to “suck it up” and be fair. We disagreed with her directly when she said this) Frankly, we don’t want to because our money and free time are too valuable to us to essentially waste on being miserable. Love the kids, but in short spurts like when we visit. This ultimately makes it so we favor S and L. AITAH for doing this? I can explain more of the other relationships if requested 🙂
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Gnomer81Â said:
NTA. If they want to pay for all the kids to go, let them pay for all the kids to go on a Disney trip. But that still doesn’t mean it has to be THIS trip for your daughter’s birthday. Listen, I am queen of making things fair and not leaving kids out.
But you are already leaving a child of your own behind to focus on the birthday girl. You are keeping it small to make it affordable. If it’s not affordable it won’t happen. Enjoy the day with your daughter and don’t worry about what they say.
notmenotwhenitsyou said:
I was skeptical about the choosing of one of the cousins but the MOM saying it was sweet and completely fine with the choice of one of her kids is what solidified that you are NTA. Had SHE been huffish then I could see the problem but the fact its literally those who don’t matter in this scenario…well thats a them problem.
Just because you’re family, does not mean everyone needs to get along and do things with each other. she chose who she liked the best. That’s that. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. clearly she has good taste for not choosing them lol.
No-Albatross-7984Â said:
NTA. It’s your trip and you get ito choose who you bring along. But since this is a frequent theme in the sub, lemme tell you. I was about 9 when my grandparents took my cousin to Tenerife with them. Even then, I understood life isn’t fair and I can’t have everything. But from that moment on, I knew my place.
I wasn’t angry or resentful. But I had clear as day evidence that if grandma had to choose, she would not choose me. As a 40+ woman now, I would never do this to siblings or cousins. If I were in a situation like this, I would pick a friend outside the family, or not bring a friend at all. Your child will have a wonderful time regardless.
tiggergirluk76Â said:
YTA for saying you want one on one time with your daughter, then taking another kid along instead of the other kid that’s actually yours. Your reasoning doesn’t make any sense. First, you want one on one time, then you want to take another kid close in age, but actually, you’re doing neither of those things. The rest of the family are obviously being unreasonable, expecting other kids to go, but honestly ESH.
Known-Grapefruit4032Â said:
You’re technically NTA, and the adults have no right to be up in arms about it, but you have probably upset the kids in a long-term way and made them feel a hierarchy between them. I think it would have been kinder to take one of your daughter’s friends and leave the family dynamics out of it.
If you were absolutely set on a cousin though, why didn’t you take the one that’s actually the same age as your daughter, and who doesn’t have a sibling old enough to be aware and upset about it?
Puzzlehead-Bed-333Â said:
Yes, YTA. Personally, as someone with a big family, this is a crap move. This is how you breed disconnect, animosity, favoritism, and separation. You should have just taken your family if you were not going to include the kids. I’d fix it or not go at all.
