AITJ for refusing to brim my parents to our family reunion because they get treated like the unpaid event staff?
I (25F) come from a big extended family that does an annual reunion. Think rented lake house, big Airbnb, Costco runs, Matching T shirts, cornhole tournament, beer coolers, the works.
It looks wholesome in pictures.
But every year, my parents somehow become the unpaid operations team.
The second we show up, my mom gets absorbed into the kitchen. Not in a cute “let’s cook together” way. More like, “You’re so organized, can you handle the food?” Then she’s restocking chips, slicing watermelon, refilling trays, making sure the kids have plates. Meanwhile everyone else is on the dock or cracking White Claws.
My dad gets defaulted into “guy who handles things.” Grilling for hours. Setting up folding tables. Dragging coolers. Taking trash out. Fixing the wobbly chair. No one directly assigns him, they just hand him problems and walk away.
Last year my mom didn’t sit down once until like 8pm. She ate standing at the counter. My dad missed half the games because he was outside cleaning the grill. But on Instagram? It was all “so grateful for family” captions.
What really rubbed me the wrong way was hearing one of my aunts say, “It’s great when they come, they’re so helpful.” Not “we love having them.” Just helpful.
This year the planning text thread already has comments like, “We won’t need to worry about food if your mom’s there.” And I just felt… done.
So I told my parents I don’t want to go if it’s going to be the same dynamic. I said I’m not driving us three hours just to watch them work the entire weekend while everyone else relaxes. If they really want to go, I won’t physically stop them, but I’m not supporting it.
Now some relatives think I’m being dramatic and that everyone pitches in. Except somehow it’s consistently my parents pitching in the most.
My mom says she doesn’t mind and that it keeps her busy. My dad shrugs and says it’s no big deal. But they’re exhausted every single time.
I feel guilty because maybe this is just normal family stuff. But I’m tired of seeing them treated like the automatic clean up crew instead of actual guests.
AITJ for putting my foot down?
