AITA for being ungrateful to my grandma for “fixing” my dress
Hi, I’ve never posted before so please bare with me.
I (17F) am going to my bfs school formal next Saturday and am really excited. Because I’m in my last year of high school I have been quite busy this year with school work and so I decided it would be easier to order my dress online.
My mum helped me measure myself and we ordered it but when it arrived I tried it on and realised it would definitely need to be hemmed. My grandma, who always hems my clothes for me offered to hem it for me which I was really grateful for. We agreed she would remove 2 inches from the bottom and tighten the straps a bit so it would fit me better.
Two days later she bought the dress back and explained she had done all that along with helping “make the dress more modest for a young lady”. When I looked at the dress I noticed that a weird piece of fabric had been added around the cleavage area. It looks completely out of place and honestly ruined the dress.
My grandma made me try it on and I had tears in my eyes. The dress looked terrible, I’m not trying to be dramatic but the fabric is so out of place and it looks hideous. My grandma asked what’s wrong and I said I was upset because we didn’t agree that she would add all of this fabric. We got into a pretty big argument and now she won’t talk to me because she says i’m being ungrateful.
My mum won’t get involved and my grandmas husband (my mums step dad) keeps calling me telling me to apologise to her.
I feel bad that she worked hard on the dress but I am so devastated at what has happened. Has anyone had a similar situation, AITA for being ungrateful.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Crafter_2307
NTA.
Depending on the material, see you you can unpick the stitching holding the extra fabric in place.
OneSmolBean
Absolutely this. Granny may have worked hard on the modesty panel but it wasn’t what they agreed.
Crispydragonrider
NTA. Your grandma overstepped by altering a part of the dress without your consent. And I’m very disappointed with your mom’s reaction. She approved this dress and should at the very least help you navigate this situation.
New-Bear-698
Right? The mom basically gave it a green light then left her to deal with the fallout, which is pretty unfair.
yourangleoryuordevil
Yeah, I’d also consider this a case in which someone — the grandma — is stepping on a parent’s toes. It’s usually for a parent to decide whether a dress is modest enough or appropriate for their child to wear.
The family dynamics here make it sound like OP’s grandma is likely in charge and oversees everything for everyone a lot of the time, which would explain the nonchalance over this and insistence that OP should apologize.
Hepkat98
NTA. You have a couple options: 1) take the seam of the modesty panel off using a seam ripper, or 2) take it to a regular seamstress and ask them to remove it. It should be really easy either way. I don’t blame you for being really upset. Grandma was waaay out of line.
MissAuroraRed
Get a seam ripper and take it off. Maybe ask your grandma to do the alterations with you next time so you can learn from her, so that eventually you can do these things yourself. It’s a useful skill that will save you money for the rest of your life. NTA for being upset that she overstepped though.
mlc885
That is actually kind of a genius idea to “fix” the dumb problem her grandmother created, just fix the dress yourself first and then be the bigger/better person by letting bygones be bygones. Not that OP should have to do that, but I can see why somebody might do it, your weird grandparent is still going the way of the Dodo sooner rather than later.
Trekunderthemoon
You aren’t being ungrateful. We are grateful for things that people do for us your grandma didn’t do what she did for you she did it for her. She thought the dress wasn’t modest enough so she acted to make herself more comfortable.
Your mum needs to handle her mother. She owes you a dress that you want. If my mum did something like this I would be so angry but my mum would never do something like this because she wouldn’t put her own comfort over that of her grandchild.
WestCovina1234
NTA, Grandma overstepped her bounds. I hope you’re able to remove the extra fabric and that the dress otherwise fits now. Your mother is a bit of an AH for not standing up for you. If possible, I would block Grandma’s husband’s number if he doesn’t stop harassing you.
KindraTheElfOrc
Your mom needs to get off her butt and get involved your grandma was way out of lien and needs to grow up, demand she pay you back for the ruined dress and demand your mom do something and that if she doesn’t then she’s announcing how little she cares about you that she’s willing to force you to put up with your sexist grandma in her place.
magog12
NTA your grandma is 100% TA for making that decision without asking you. Your mom not getting involved makes her TA as well, this is literally her job as a parent. Mums step dad is so out of line I would report him to the police for harassment. If your mom gets upset you did that, well, she didn’t help you deal with this situation and you had to deal with it yourself, so she can shut right up.
chippy-alley
‘Ungrateful’ is a buzz word often favoured by narcissists. Is this the first time you’ve given any kind of pushback? Its possible you’re seeing the effects of generational dysfunction, if mum doesn’t feel able to speak up and stepdad is the enforcer.
If your grandma knows how to sew, then she knows that you dont do unrequested alterations to event clothing. You do what the end wearer wants, not what you personally would chose or prefer.
Its not your place to apologise for a genuine, spontaneous reaction to her overstepping. If she’s in her feels about you growing up, thats not on you. If she’s in her feels about modern clothing, thats not on you.
If she felt left out of the dress process, guess what… thats not on you. Its not beyond possibility thats she’s done it on purpose, ask you mum about her teen years experience. NTA.
