WIBTA for not dropping out as my ex-brother-in-law’s groomsman.
For some backstory leading into this, my ex and I started dating back in 2019 as HS sweethearts. We got engaged a couple years later, then married a year after that (2022), when we were 21/20. Ever since we started dating, I would hang out with her little brother (he’s 4 years younger than me, we’ll call him “BIL”), support him at his football games, and hang out one on one. He was one of my groomsmen at the wedding and went to the bachelor’s party, aka big camping trip, and he truly was/is just one of the boys.
Last year, in June 2025, despite me thinking our marriage was doing great, my ex confessed that she had been dissatisfied the entire time, and rushed into it too young. She reiterated that I didn’t do anything wrong, that I’d been a great husband, we just were too incompatible. So, despite my best efforts to talk to her and see therapists that could maybe help, we got divorced at the beginning of this year (2026). All our family and friends were shocked by this decision. Her family was really supportive of me and checked in on me.
Before she confessed all that to me, back in the beginning of 2025, BIL and his fiancee (“Fia”) told me and my ex that she would be a bridesmaid and I a groomsman for their wedding that is happening in Oct 2026. After she and I separated, I kind of just continued on with the assumption that we were both still in the wedding party.
Plot twist, Fia decided she doesn’t want my ex to be in the wedding party, because 1. They want to keep it to 4, so Fia chose her 2 sisters and 2 best friends, 2. Fia and my ex were never really super close to begin with and 3. Fia and my ex already had some bad blood due to a she said/she said situation back around April of 2025, then the separation happened and Fia was really upset at my ex for that as well, since me and Fia have a good relationship.
Meanwhile, yes, I am still a groomsman. In fact, BIL has been more consistent about calling and checking in on me than most. We talk for like an hour or two once every couple weeks, and still maintain the great relationship we had beforehand. So yes, for his four he chose his older brother, his two childhood best friends, and me, who he’s known since 2019. He hasn’t known anyone else in his life that long. The next up on the roster is his roommate, who he’s known for about a year, and has a “worsening” relationship with.
When this got around to my ex, she understandably got upset. She sees it as a slight towards her and a declaration of whose side they’re on to the whole family. So my ex’s dad (who I hear misses me a lot but we keep distant) reached out and politely asked me to drop out as a groomsman. They also talked to BIL, and he called me to talk it all over. He doesn’t want to kick me out as a groomsman at all, he genuinely doesn’t want anyone else in that spot. But he also understands the politics of it all.
AITA for not voluntarily dropping out? Idk if this is cheating, but WheBTA for keeping me in? Thanks 🙂
