“My fiancée invited his ex situationship for our wedding behind my back”

“My fiancée invited his ex situationship for our wedding behind my back”

I (23F) am getting married in January and just found out my fiancé, Mark (25M) invited his old situationship to our wedding without consulting me. For context: Me and Mark met on a dating app two years ago after he “”broke up”” a relationship. To be honest, it’s quite confusing what he and Tracy (22F) had.

They met because of a mutual friend and started to develop feelings for each other. Mark told me they never dated and slept together, but it was more than friendship. Until today he keeps her love letters, gifts and talks about her.

Tracy and him tried to stay in contact after the break up, staying friends but she ghosted him after finding out we started to date. From what I saw in her social media, she’s in a relationship, so I’m not worried about her trying to get with my fiancé again.

They haven’t been in contact for 2 years, but he still has her number and email. I found out about him inviting her after I checked again our guest list and finding her name.

I know Tracy is not a threat to our relationship, but Mark inviting her behind my back makes me feel bad about our whole wedding. He told me he doesn’t feel anything for her, yet he made sure to send her an invitation. This is probably me being insecure, but my fear of him not getting over her is slowly creeping inside my heart. I don’t want to lose him.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Nightwish1976 said:

He’s probably not over her, especially since they were never a thing. For him, she might be the one that got away. If I were OP, I would have a very serious talk with him.

Proper_Strategy_6663 said:

Tell him you don’t want her there and that’s final and HE better rescind it or you’ll have to rethink the marriage because starting a married life by going behind your back is a no-no. Tbh you need to not stubbornly hold on to someone you can’t trust, and you can’t trust someone who does shit behind your back.

jenncc80 said:

He went behind you back to invite someone whose love letters he’s kept?? The fact he didn’t talk to you about it is a major red flag. If having her there is more important to him than you being comfortable at your own wedding then you might need to postpone the wedding. She might not be a threat to your relationship but it sounds like your fiancé’s feelings are a threat.

Equal-Brilliant2640 said:

Personally I would dump him and call the whole thing off. Because I’m too old (41) to tolerate this kind of disrespect. And that’s what it is. You have to ask yourself “what else has done behind your back? Or will he do?” This type of stuff will just escalate, you’re still young, kick him to the curb and find someone who isn’t stuck in the past.

Sunshine-N-gumdrops said:

Girl he is not over her.

FIRST UPDATE:

After reading the comments and talking with some friends, my heart finally understood Mark never really got over Tracy. In the beginning, I was in denial, but I went out with Tom (24M), his best friend of years to understand about what really happened between them.

From what he told me, Tracy and Mark met because of some friends in common. She just got into the university and was 17 at the time, while Mark was already almost graduating.

They stayed friend for two years and feelings started to blossom. Mark was already working while she was still in college, he only wanted to formally date her after her graduation, so it was never a thing, even though they shared love letters, gifts and shared almost every holiday together.

Tom told me everyone from their old friend group thought they would marry since they were so sweet together. So, their breakup was really unpredictable. Tracy was the one who broke up with Mark due to their religious values not lining up, as she wanted to save herself until marriage. In the end, they decided it was better to go separate ways and maybe try again after a few years.

But after me and Mark started to date, Tracy realized that it was pointless to wait for him and started to see other people too, so she blocked in every thing, except email just to have a clean beginning.

In the end, I finally realized Mark is just hopeful that Tracy would come back to him due to their talks of trying again after a while. It honestly hurt so much, as I loved him so much. I still didn’t confronted him since I’m still shaken up, but I don’t know if this marriage will happen. I am going to update once I calm down and confront him.

Here’s what people had to say about the first update:

Savings-Ad-3607 said:

This sucks but at least you found out before you ended up married to this guy.

Rich-Ad-4654 said:

I’m sorry OP. It does sound as though your fiancé hasn’t moved on. You deserve someone who can’t breathe without you, and I hope you can find it with your next partner.

[deleted] said:

I’d write down all your feelings and thoughts in a letter to him. Explain what Tom said to you. Tell him it aligns with him keeping the love letters, trying to stay in contact, and bringing her up even two years later while in a relationship with you. Tell him you love him enough to let him go.

I’d also reach out to Tracy and ask if your fiancé has been talking to her at all. You never know if there is more to the story, of if she has moved on from him. From what you wrote, it doesn’t seem like he moved on from her.

He shouldn’t be inviting someone he still has romantic feelings for to HIS wedding. That’s cruel to you (his future wife) and Tracy, as well. If I was her, I’d feel like he was trying to shove his relationship in my face. I’d be offended he even invited me…

Also, will this be his first time seeing her in two years? For some reason, I seriously doubt it. However, if it is – that’s pretty diabolical. It’s like he is using your wedding and you as a prop in their love story. Does he think he’s the male lead in some K drama?

At the very least, give him the letter. If he wants to meet up- ask to see his phone. Go through his deleted messages and sent emails along with his trash folder. I think there’s more to the story. Were you supposed to walk down the aisle and just see Tracy there? He’s honestly an AH…and a selfish one at that.

Disastrous-Sthe said:

He would have married you, and if she reached out to him to say that she wanted him back…he would drop you like yesterday’s trash. The man has never gotten over and never will. I would call off the wedding.

edoyle2021 said:

Please don’t marry him. You do not deserve your be second best and now that you know the whole story it’s going to live with you rent free. You need to have a very honest conversation with your fiancee and end it.

MomsSpecialFriend said:

You don’t have to be someone’s first choice to marry them, but you have to be their ONLY choice by the time of marriage. You should not proceed.

SECOND UPDATE:

It’s been a while since the last update and I’m here to announce the wedding has been called off. My parents are the one canceling everything for me, it’s like I returned to my childhood when mom and dad had to solve my problems.

I confronted Mark after talking with Tom and made him aware of everything I’ve been dealing. His reaction at the beginning was dismissive and was almost as if he was trying to escape from this situation.

In the end, Mark said he never loved someone like Tracy because it was pure and innocent. She reminded him that not everything is about carnal desire and in the darkest moments of his life, Tracy was like a sunlight.

Hearing the man you love admitting how much he loved another woman is so hurtful. During the talk, I started to cry, bawling my eyes out. Mark had the audacity to say he loves me, but it’s a different kind of love.

I asked why he invited her to our wedding and he was speechless. Why he had to throw away our future for something in the past?! This hurts so much. Mark told me he knew Tracy didn’t blocked him on e-mail, since he was the one who helped her get her first job and a lot of professional stuff was also involved. This is how he was able to send her our wedding invitation, but he “meant no harm”.

When I asked what he meant with this, Mark just said he wanted to make her watch us together and realize what she lost because he was hurt that Tracy was pregnant and not married.

The moment Mark mentioned about Tracy’s pregnancy, a red alarm started to echo in my head. “How did you know about her pregnancy? You said she blocked you every where.” I could see panic in his eyes as he started to stutter. In the end, I made him give me his phone and I found out more than 5 accounts to stalk Tracy. My stomach felt sick and the urge to vomit was overwhelming.

In the end, I decided to call off the engagement since he was a creep. Mark threw himself on the floor asking for forgiveness and he loves me, just in a different way compared to Tracy and was just hurt that she gave herself to another man while he begged her countless times for se%.

This made me feel even more disgusted with him because he felt entitled to her body. I left without taking even a bag with me. Everything is just too much. I can’t believe I spent two years loving a stalker, a man-child.

Oh, I also told Tracy everything and his accounts. I don’t know if she saw my messages, but I hope she does. The jealousy I once felt for her transformed into pity as no woman should go through what Mark has done. Mark wants to meet up with me and doesn’t want to break up, but I’m just so tired.

Here’s what people had to say about the second update:

No-Appearance1145 said:

He needs to stay as an ex.

Expression-Little said:

Major bullet dodged. Mark is a creep.

Embarrassed-Mirror35 said:

I hope you can heal from this, and you are truly lucky to have found out before the wedding. So many women discover something like this when it’s wayyy to late or like you before the wedding, but unlike you go through with the wedding thinking that “he loves me too, marriage will make him forget and they only talk through email so it’s not that deep.”

They ignore that giant red panda because it and don’t even dig deep enough to find out he was also stalking her. I’m sorry you met a psycho like this. It takes a lot to follow your gut and leave while marriage is imminent like you did. You truly are exceptional and know your worth.

Training_Package6761 said:

This sounds like the start to a True Crime documentary. How positively alarming. He has been stalking this poor girl. It also sounds like she had to break up with him because he was harassing her for intimacy, trying to cross her boundaries, just gross. Do not go and meet with him. There is no reason and no good will come from it.

YouAccording3896 said:

You’re too young to settle for a sicko like that. Pure love? The guy is furious because she slept with someone else after she rejected him. Stay away from this weirdo.

THIRD UPDATE:

I’ve already met up with Tracy and talked about what happened. Me and her met at a cafe and in the beginning I was really nervous, as I didn’t know what was her reaction because her reply was only “Hi, let’s talk over a cup of coffee:)”

When I was waiting for her, I could feel my back sweating and overall, lots of emotion. Tracy arrived and I finally understood why Mark was so obsessed with her as she is definitely one of the most beautiful women I saw. She’s pretty on the pictures, but personally she looks better.

Tracy said hello to me and asked if I’m willing to go to her house to talk, since being outside for too long makes her really tired. We ordered some coffee to go and it was super awkward.

So now let’s talk about what she told me: first of all, she apologized for being the reason why now I’m single which I assured her is not her fault. Tracy said she received the invitation, but was simply not interested in participating in our wedding as she was already in a happy relationship and is pointless to see a person from the past.

With the story Tom and Mark told me, I got curious and asked about them “staying friends” as it sounded like she wanted to stay with him after the break up and it’s the polar opposite of her behavior. Tracy was extremely uncomfortable with this question, but still explained to me why she said that.

In the beginning, she was really in love with Mark because he was her first love. She described him as a protector, someone trustworthy, handsome and kind as he always showered her in gifts and travels.

Everything was fine and sweet but over time, Mark started to beg her for sex so much to the point of her pretending to be sick just to avoid him. She just didn’t wanted to sleep with him and had some sort of blockage, like a sixth sense telling her to not do this.

She was sick and tired about all of this and used the fact that her parents are extremely religious to justify why se% was off the chart. This lead to a fight, which Mark never told me and them breaking up.

But two weeks after, they started to talk again as she felt in debt with him as he helped her get a job in a prestigious company and he spent a lot of money on her with trips, foods and presents. One of the gifts was a Rolex for her 18th birthday, which made me mad since he NEVER spent so much money on me.

So when Tracy found out me and Mark was seeing each other, she felt relieved and finally had a proper reason to block him everywhere since he was still sometimes hinting about them sleeping together.

In the end, I told her in the entire relationship, Mark would sometimes talk about her and in the beginning it was kind of weird, but I just brushed it off since she was part of his story.

Oh, I also talked about Mark’s numerous accounts and in the beginning she didn’t believed me. But I showed her the accounts I knew, which was creepy since they all had female names, followers and pictures. All of them looked real.

Her account is public, so I asked Tracy to make it private. She made a new account with her Korean name and deactivated the old one. We had fun and became friends. She is a really sweet person and I saw how her boyfriend treated her like a queen. I’m happy she found love and got rid of Mark.

Here’s what people had to say about the third update:

Actual-Offer-127 said:

I really hope she takes marks stalking seriously. It’s very alarming the stuff he has been doing. I’m genuinely afraid for this woman. He’s become obsessive and that can’t lead to anything good. Especially if he starts spiraling after your breakup.

confused_kitkat said:

What mark has done is absolutely atrocious, and incredibly disgusting. I’m glad you got a newfound friend from this and dropped that trash bag of a person. Also in general go you OP! Be sure to take care of yourself, take a well needed vacation with friends, or a nice spa day. Basically treat yourself.

Appropriate_Speech33 said:

Mark needs some serious therapy. I’m glad you and Tracy are safe.

_JFKFC_ said:

OP kudos for handling this the way you did and being a girls’ girl warning Tracy about Mark’s unhinged stalker behavior. Be on high alert in case he redirects his stalking to you and keep your family in the loop so they can look out for you. You’re so young, you’ll find someone who treats you like a queen and deserves you. Wishing you the best of everything!

FOURTH UPDATE:

Hi, guys! Recently, I logged into my account again and decided to give an update about my life as it is so crazy for me that almost a year ago, my tears were uncontrollable because of a man.

Tracy got married a few weeks ago and I was invited. It was a beautiful ceremony and her baby was part of it. It was refreshing to see the glow on her face and that she found the one. We’re not too close, but still is nice to hang out with her and accompany her journey as a wife and mother.

Meanwhile, I am not interested in relationships for a while. I got a promotion and thinking about moving to another state as my company offered a position with better pay. Not being engaged actually made me concentrate a lot more on my job as I became able to do more extra hours.

So, I don’t have much updates about Mark since I cut off contact with him, his family and friends that took his side. The last thing I heard is that he was telling every one how controlling and abusive I was and HE had to call off our engagement.

This is not my business anymore and what he says doesn’t matter. But Mark is definitely miserable. I am going to take this summer and go to Greece just to celebrate life. Thank you all for the advices. If I didn’t posted online almost a year ago, I would’ve been married to a guy who never saw me as first option.

Here’s what people had to say about the fourth update:

Tn_volgirl said:

Glad to hear that you are doing well and are far away from Mark. Enjoy Greece and who knows, maybe you’ll meet a Greek who sweeps you off your feet. Good luck!

SpecialModusOperandi said:

Wow. Have an awesome holiday. Your life sounded so much better without Mark.

GwenSpacee said:

I love the full circle moment of you being invited to Tracy’s wedding.

0fluffythe0ferocious said:

I’m glad this story ended happily and not Mark trying to kidnap Tracy. I hope she put up security measures to keep him away because of his obsession with her. Glad you’re okay as well and don’t have to deal with him. But I honestly think this guy will end up in prison one day.

Pale_Story4409 said:

Good for you! It’s incredible how good one’s mental and emotional health gets when you let go or ignore toxic beings.