AITA for refusing to be the “witness” in my friends’ fight?
I’ve had the same friend group since college and I love these people, but last week turned into something I’m still processing.
Two of my friends, I’ll call them Jordan and Leah, have been together about a year. On the surface they seem fine but I’ve always noticed things get tense between them fast. I’ve made a point of staying close to both without getting pulled into their dynamic. That worked until it didn’t.
Same day, two seperate calls. Jordan calls at lunch, voice shaky, goes straight into “tell me I’m not crazy.” Says Leah has been telling people he’s controlling and monitors her. He says he’s just been asking basic stuff like where she is and when she’s coming home because she disappears for hours. Then comes “you’ve seen how she is, right? say you know I’m not like that.” I told him I’m sorry he’s going through it but I can’t validate a story I only heard from one side. He goes quiet and says “so you’re staying neutral.” I said yeah.
That evening Leah calls. Calmer but clearly exhausted. She already knew Jordan had called. She tells me she feels trapped, that anytime she’s with friends he’s blowing up her phone and if she doesn’t reply fast enough it becomes a fight. She says he makes her “prove” she’s not lying. Then she asks me directly to back her up when it comes up in the group. I told her the same thing I told him, I’m not going to be used as a weapon in their relationship.
Two days later we’re all at a hangout and it is not chill. Someone makes a dumb joke about drama and suddenly Jordan goes “ask him, he knows,” and Leah snaps back “no he doesn’t, he’s too scared to say anything.” Both of them staring at me like I’m on trail. Jordan calls me a coward. Leah says staying neutral is enabling him. I said, probably too blunt, “I’m not your witness. I’m not doing this.” Left early, the whole night fell apart.
Now the group chat is messy and I’m getting texts saying I should’ve spoken up or I should’ve told the truth. But what truth exactly? I’ve seen Jordan get intense and I’ve seen Leah shut down but I genuinely don’t know what happens behind closed doors or who started what. I don’t want to be wrong and make everything worse.
AITA for refusing to pick a side when I only ever had half the story?
