“I think my husband fathered his best friend’s children, and now one of them is attracted to my daughter.”

“I think my husband fathered his best friend’s children, and now one of them is attracted to my daughter.”

(All names are fake.) This began as a dark, intrusive thought that I could never shake off, and over the years it has bloomed into a poison flower that infects my entire psyche. I’m a forty-two year old woman. My husband “Luke” is 43, and so is “Amy.” I met Luke in college, but he’s known Amy since they were about 7.

They did everything together and understood each other implicitly. They were best friends. They’ve always insisted that they are surrogate siblings to each other. Naturally I, as a new girlfriend, felt a little threatened by Amy and her closeness to Luke, but they both reassured me I had nothing to worry about. That their bond was not romantic and had never been physical.

That Amy really was just the sister that Luke never had. I believed them, and it didn’t take long for me to forget any and all insecurity I had about Amy. She became my friend too. She officiated our wedding. Luke and I have built a wonderful life together and we always had a strong relationship. After we got married and moved in together, we still saw a lot of Amy, and I was fine with that.

I’ve passed many a night on the town trying to help Amy find a man, as she has always lamented how she is unlucky in love. Luke and I started to have children after we were married, and, at around the same point, so did Amy. For further context, my children are Sophie, (15) Owen, (12) Louise, (10) and Carter (6) .

Amy’s children are Tom, (17) Kaylee, (14) and twins, Adam and Jenna, (9)

Now, Amy was not in a relationship at this point. She was not married. As far as I knew, she was “dating” but not consistently.

As Luke and I had more kids and our family grew, periodically Amy would find herself pregnant as well. It happened a few times, and Luke and I never knew anything about the father(s) in question. I kind of assumed that maybe Amy was sleeping around and not keeping in contact with her one-night stands. Luke agreed this was probably the answer.

While I did ask each time if Amy knew the paternity, she always said no, and she didn’t seem that worried about the idea of raising kids on her own, so I didn’t pester her. Of course, she had us to support her, so there was that. While Amy never asked for any help, of course Luke was never going to let his best friend struggle to stay afloat when she had children to raise.

Financially, we are very fortunate and privileged. I have a job that pays handsomely and Luke also had wealthy parents who already knew and loved Amy, so they were happy to provide for her. (My in-laws defy all stereotypes, they are the kindest and gentlest people.) So we were able to support Amy. To get her somewhere to stay with her kids.

People might be tempted to call her a leech, but I never saw it that way. None of us did. She needed help and we could provide it. I also know people are going to criticize her for her lack of responsibility and question why she never used more reliable birth control. Honestly?

That is a long story that I don’t want to get into because even I don’t fully understand her reasoning, but it was quite important to her that she never be on birth control and that whatever came of that choice, she would accept. It wasn’t religiously motivated, I know that, but it was that degree of significance to Amy. She really did not want to take birth control.

She’s explained it to me more than once but I’m still not clear on why. Of course, Amy being Luke’s best friend since they were kids, it’s not unreasonable that sometimes they hang out together while I’m not there. Hey, that’s fine. Sometimes I hang out with Amy one-on-one as well, though Luke does it more. She was his friend first.

This included him going over to where she was staying and at times, sleeping over there. Was I a fool to trust him and believe nothing was going on? Perhaps. But for years, they presented as being “buddies.” Like siblings. I didn’t pick up on any vibes between them, not ever.

As one can expect, our children were brought up together. Not in the same house, (our home is decently sized but even we don’t have the room for eight kids.) But we made sure Amy’s children met ours from a young age, and they always got along and strong bonds of friendship have formed over the years, which is good. Especially if I’m right, and they share blood.

I’ve been dawdling getting to the main point. Yes. I have come to suspect that Luke fathered at least one of Amy’s kids, if not all of them. Frankly, I do suspect they are all his. I would never have believed my husband to be capable of such a thing, and he’s given me no indication that he is the unfaithful sort.

But he does spend a lot of time with Amy, and I have to confess I cannot remember seeing her with any real boyfriend over the years. She would talk to men at bars and parties, I would try to be her wing-man, and so on. But nothing ever seemed to really happen, so when she got pregnant the first time, I was curious.

When it happened again, and again, I began to wonder if she had some sort of secret fella who she didn’t want us to know about for whatever reason. But I couldn’t think of any reason why she would hide him, especially from her children. After Carter, our youngest, was born, Luke and I agreed that the time had come for him to have a vasectomy. Amy’s twins had come just a couple of years prior.

Of course, after the procedure, Luke and I continued to make love but I no longer had to think about pregnancy. Meanwhile, Amy never got pregnant again, after the twins. Is it a coincidence that Luke had a vasectomy and then both of us stopped getting pregnant? I don’t know. But Luke would still visit her, and he wasn’t just going to see her, but checking up on her children as well.

In general, I should have paid more attention to it sooner, but Luke has always acted like a father to them, especially as they’ve gotten older. He’s the father they never had. He doesn’t neglect me, or our children, not one bit. He’s doing double duty. On its own, the idea that he is a surrogate father to Amy’s fatherless children isn’t inherently suspicious. One could call it noble. But it combines with a lot of other little things.

There is appearance as well. I won’t go into specifics of hair color, eye color, or unique physical traits, because I’d rather limit the identifying factors of the people involved and keep this whole thing as vague as possible. But suffice it to say, Amy’s children…they certainly look like they could be Luke’s. Kaylee has a very unusual allergy that Luke also has.

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The twins look very much like him – Adam in particular. The older Tom has gotten, the more of Luke I can see in his face and personality. While their race doesn’t matter, the reality is that Luke is a different race than Amy, and Amy’s children look pretty biracial. I could easily believe their father is the same race as Luke. Doesn’t mean Luke has to be the father, but…it sure seems like it.

I have never voiced my anxieties to either Amy or Luke. I don’t want to be the “bad guy” and, guilty or innocent, I already know they would flatly deny my accusations and be hurt by them. Imagine if that drama reached the ears of my kids, or Amy’s kids? Either way, Luke continues to spend time with Amy and her children, just as her children spend time with mine.

I have hinted to Luke that I feel needy for more attention and wish he wouldn’t give as much to Amy. But he either missed my cues or pretended that he missed them. I don’t want to push this idea that he’s favoring her, because it’s not even really true. He’s never neglected me for her. I just. I can’t shake the feeling that Luke and Amy have been intimate before, likely numerous times.

So far as I know, Amy never really wanted to be a mother, either. She wasn’t opposed to it, and when each of her children came into the world she instantly fell in love with them, but motherhood was never really a major part of her life plan or identity.

In the grand scheme of things, when we would talk about the future, she would sometimes mention a husband and children, but it never seemed like something she had her heart particularly set on. So like, I don’t think this is a case of Luke just “giving” Amy children, I doubt that was the motive for the infidelity. That would have been a side-effect.

I’ve been letting this go and turning a blind eye for years. It was a dark thought in the back of my mind after Kaylee’s allergy was discovered, but I dismissed it. Got worse after the twins were born. I dismissed it. Then, when Amy stopped having babies, I wanted to feel reassured by that.

But, Luke had gotten a vasectomy, so if anything, that made my anxiety worse. There have been nights that I wished the twins were younger, that they had come along after Luke’s procedure. It’s been twisting me into knots for a long time, but I don’t want to be the one who rips our family apart especially since, technically, I could be wrong.

Except now I’m very afraid, because in the last few months we’ve had a new development in our kids’ social circle. Tom, Amy’s eldest, asked Sophie out. Sophie, my eldest. She’s really blossomed over these last few years and become quite the outspoken beauty, so I’m not shocked to see she’s getting male attention, but Tom asking her out had me thrown.

Sophie said no, but only because I’m quite protective when it comes to her exploring dating, and she knew she’d have to ask me first. I could tell she was flattered and intrigued by his interest and wanted to say yes. She approached me to talk to me about it, bless my girl, she did everything right. I think she expected I would see things her way and agree that she could date Tom.

Much to her surprise, I very firmly said no. That caused a bit of conflict. She didn’t even want to date him that badly, she just couldn’t understand why she wasn’t allowed to. And I couldn’t explain it to her. All I could come up with was “He’s too old for you” which he is, but it’s not really about that.

When Amy and Luke heard, I was so very curious to see what their reactions would be. If either of them had agreed with Sophie and tried to convince me that the two of them should be allowed to date, I think I would have been relieved and taken that as proof that I was wrong about something going on between them. Wrong about who fathered Amy’s children.

But, the ambiguity continued. They took my side. Both of them put their foot down, though not as fiercely as I did. Luke agreed with me, but he also worried that trying to forbid such a romance would only make Sophie want it more. He’s probably right about that. Amy seemed more apathetic to the idea.

She didn’t want Tom to date Sophie either, and she backed me up, but I don’t know, she just wasn’t taking it as seriously. She seemed to think it was a fleeting crush. Well, it wasn’t. In the months following those conversations, Tom would spend more and more time with Sophie.

They would be alone (or with “other friends”) any time they possibly could. It’s become abundantly clear that Tom is crazy about Sophie and wants to be with her. (And he definitely wants to be physical, I’ve been watching them like a hawk and noticed his eye wandering many times.) And while I’m doing everything I can to kill this budding romance in the crib, I also am feeling somewhat powerless.

Sophie hasn’t outwardly defied me, she’s still just hanging out with Tom “as friends.” So forcing them to stop spending time together would be unreasonable, and probably encourage more sneaking around. But I’m so afraid that they’re already doing that.

My nightmare is that they’re secretly dating, and doing god knows what when no one is looking. (I’ve observed Tom being rather handsy with Sophie, and she presents no objection whatsoever.) And I just don’t know what to say.

I had considered trying to convince Sophie that Tom is “like” her brother, but if she doesn’t see him that way, I don’t really have the power to rewrite their emotional dynamic or the history of their friendship. I always saw Amy and her children as being like family, but my kids might see Amy’s kids more as “best friends.”

The problem is, of course, that if my husband has indeed been carrying on an affair over the years and I’m right about the paternity of Amy’s children, then Tom and Sophie cannot be anything more than friends under any circumstances, end of discussion. It can never happen.

I feel powerless to stop it, though. Luke has apparently “talked” to Tom about this, as has Amy, but he is unrelenting and he won’t give up on Sophie. I think she enjoys that attention and devotion. Tom has also confronted me and asked why I’m so against this when I know him very well and I know he would be good to Sophie. I didn’t know what to say other than to fall back on her being too young for him.

But that won’t work forever. If, god forbid, they’re still attracted to each other in a few years, then they’ll pursue this with abandon and once they’re legal adults, there’s nothing I can do about it. Amy and Luke agree with me that Tom cannot date Sophie, but that’s all they’ve really done. They feel just as powerless as me to prevent “teen love.”

It genuinely feels sometimes like they’ve just given up and will bury their heads in the sand about this. Just do nothing and hope the feelings pass as Tom and Sophie get older. Which, yeah, they’re in high school. It’s unlikely Tom will be in love with Sophie forever. But my fear is that she’ll let him do something intimate with her before that time comes, something neither of them can take back.

I am this close to opening a door I cannot close, this close to screaming at Luke that all this wouldn’t be happening if he hadn’t cheated on me these many years. If he hadn’t been all but raising a second family with his “surrogate sister” behind my back. Now Luke’s son wants to hook up our daughter, his ACTUAL sister, because as far as he knows, she’s just his childhood friend.

And it’s all Luke and Amy’s fault for what they’ve done. If I speak up, everything gets blown to hell. On the off chance that I am wrong, I’m a horrible monster who accused the love of my life and one of my closest friends of doing something horrible. If I’m right, it still tears our entire structure apart.

The family and social unit we’ve become over the last several years is gone, and everyone will be stressed and upset even if Luke and I don’t divorce. If I do nothing, Sophie’s eventually going to sleep with Tom and be his girlfriend. (And I’m low key terrified it will happen sooner than later, or worse, that it’s already happened under my nose.) I hope to hell this relationship fades as they mature, but what if it doesn’t?

What if they wind up being together for years? What if they marry, want to get pregnant someday? And if I tell Sophie the truth about Amy’s kids, then everyone else finds out too, and that’s going to ruin so many lives. It would shatter my kids’ perception of their father, and their “Aunt Amy.” Luke is Owen’s hero. I don’t even want to think about how much this would hurt him. And what about Amy’s children?

They are innocent. They didn’t ask for this, they don’t control where they came from, and I don’t want to hurt them. Admittedly, I’m not happy with Tom at the moment. A week ago I saw him put his hand on Sophie’s butt and I wanted to knock his teeth out. But even he doesn’t deserve to be burdened by the knowledge that it’s his half sister he’s been fantasizing about.

It’s all so messed up and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been looking the other way and letting my husband and his “best friend” insult me for such a long time now. I thought I could live with it. But this business with Tom and Sophie has me distressed.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Neat-Pen6522 wrote:

They won’t ever admit it to you if they’ve been keeping the secret this long plus with all the kids involved. The only way is to do a DNA test, however you can make that work. Even if you can somehow orchestrate a 23 and me thing with Tom, all you need is the swab and to send it off along with your daughters and there’s nothing anyone can do.

You can feign ignorance and ask what the big deal is if they get upset. It’s just a little fun to see what countries our genetics hail from, right?

Or if you can somehow do it in secret then do that. Then whatever the results say you can decide what the outcome should be.

OP responded:

If this is going on, then they already know that I know. They won’t buy my innocent act.

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gmasterson wrote:

Is your relationship with Luke really good?

Because it needs to be for this. You gotta have time where you and Luke can discuss this and literally start with how you understand it’s going to create immediate tension and say you can’t help but suspect something.

OP responded:

The thing is, I think he’s aware that I know. Assuming it’s true, and I’m not imagining things, it’s kind of been an unspoken reality for a while now.

gilltyashell wrote:

Wow. 23 and me for Christmas. Maybe order a 🪕 too.

OP responded:

Oh about a year ago, I suggested we do one of those! Just to see Luke’s reaction. He was very staunchly against it, didn’t want the government to have our DNA, kept saying Ancestry tests were a scam anyway. I brought it up to Amy, and guess which one of us she agreed with?

knownbymymiddlename wrote:

If you’re wrong, and say nothing – no harm, no foul on all accounts. THIS IS A WIN. If you’re wrong, and say something – there’s a chance your marriage and social unit fall apart (but given the optics how close your husband and his friend are, and the risk of sibling dating – I’d say there’s a reasonable chance it doesn’t fall apart if your husband understands your POV, especially if you discuss it discretely with your husband first and voice your concerns about the kids dating).

THIS IS A SOFT WIN (if handled carefully) / A NOMINAL LOSS (if not handled well). If you’re right, and say something – your husband and his friends get found out. The marriage and social unit falls apart – it’s all their fault, and you protect the kids from potential inc*st. THIS IS A WIN.

If you’re right, and say nothing – there’s a serious chance the kids engage in incest without knowing. And your husband’s infidelity continues to go unaddressed. Consider how the kids will feel in however many years time if this all comes out after the fact. Someone is going to do a 23&Me for the fun of it one day – the truth will come out. THIS IS A HUGE LOSS.

On the face of it, you have an impossible decision to make. If you’re able to discretely do DNA tests (you mentioned taking the boy’s cheek swab once), I’d suggest you do this. It’ll give you the proof you need to raise your concerns with your husband if it comes back positive (I don’t know what your local laws are about this though so be careful).

My personal opinion: everything you’ve said screams to me that your instincts are right. If you say nothing, the kids will end up committing incest. Can you sleep soundly at night if you say nothing and that comes to pass? I’d discuss with your husband discretely and approach it from the perspective of the possible inc*st.

Not long after posting, OP shared an update:

First of all, wow. I did not expect my post to get as much traction as it did. I was half worried that someone in my family or social circle might find it, especially when someone alerted me that the post had been shared to Facebook. But, as far as I can tell, no one in my family has seen it. I want to thank all of the kind commenters who wished me well.

To those who were more frustrated with my indecision, I get it. But I was operating with an uncertain situation and the stakes were incredibly high. I feel like no matter what choice I made, something could and likely would go wrong. I’ve spent the last five years imagining different scenarios based on different ways I could go about this if I ever decided to act on it.

To everyone who was clamoring for an update, I have one for you. I previously said that I was going to do a secret DNA test, that I had decided on that course of action. In the end, I couldn’t go through with it, and now I am regretting that, because the window to do so has essentially closed.

I just felt like it would be out of line for me to do that to another person’s child behind their back. Ethically, it was dicey. I’ve since consulted with my lawyer as many commenters suggested, and she advised me against doing so, because no matter what the results were, it would make me look bad in a potential divorce proceeding. But I really wish I had done it anyway, and just not told anyone.

Because I really, badly need to know, and I still don’t know for sure. Likewise, I wanted to tell Sophie in confidence, but the more I thought about it…even that seemed over the line. Like I had no right to plant such ideas in her mind about her father without even talking to him first.

So, what I ended up doing was confronting Luke and Amy. Many comments suggested this as well. I finally told both of them that we needed to have a serious talk. It felt counterproductive to approach just one of them, because I figured they would tell the other about what happened in their own words before I could prepare my own. I wanted them both to hear what I had to say.

Once all the kids were at school, I laid down all of my suspicions and the reasons. I made it clear how much I love both of them, but a combination of clues had led me to notice the similarities between Luke and Amy’s children – and I didn’t even list all of them in the original post.

(For example, Luke has been a sleep-walker in the past. So have Sophie, Tom, and Adam) I said over and over, how much they meant to me and how I didn’t want to believe it, but the thought had crept into my mind in the past. How I had dismissed it before, but now, with Tom and Sophie having crushes on each other, it became necessary to pose the question.

So I asked if they had ever crossed the line, if Luke had ever been unfaithful, if there was even the slightest possibility that any of Amy’s children were his. I was just trying not to cry. Well, they reacted exactly as I would have expected. Their responses were perfect and so very well-rehearsed. I genuinely can’t tell if it was honest emotion or powerful gaslighting.

Amy was more upset than Luke, or at least more outwardly upset. She was angry, offended at the accusation. Luke just seemed heartbroken by it. Maybe they were just acting, but I don’t know. Somehow, they had reasonable responses to all of the points I brought up. They asked questions I didn’t know how to answer. I had never objected to them having alone time before, why did it suddenly bother me now?

Do Amy’s children really resemble Luke that much, or are things like hair color pretty basic traits to have in common? The whole family had always treated Amy and her kids as part of our unit, and I had previously commended Luke for stepping up and being a father to Amy’s kids since they didn’t have one…why was I now saying it was a bad thing? What exactly did I want them to do?

How could I think such a thing about them? Why had I waited so long to say something? Luke was more understanding than Amy. He respected my feelings, or at least he acted like he did. Amy appeared to feel more betrayed by what I said. I ended up apologizing several times even though I’m not sure I did anything wrong. Luke also apologized for “anything he’d done” to indicate he was unfaithful.

I asked Amy more pointedly that, if not Luke, who HAD fathered her children? She snapped back that it was none of my business, and I could tell she was in no mood to get personal or vulnerable with me after my accusations. I’m not proud to say that I lost my temper, and said that after everything we had done for her and her children, such information was not a lot to ask and perhaps she owed it to us.

I regretted the words as soon as I said them, but Amy shouted back that *I* had never done anything for her, that it was Luke and his parents who had kept her afloat all these years, not me. She went on a longer tirade about how I had always acted superior to her, which I don’t believe I did, though it’s possible that I gave off that vibe unintentionally.

Luke did his best to calm her down, but the room was still fraught with tension. I don’t know, I just don’t know. It’s driving me to the edge of madness. There is a way to be certain, of course. Not certain of my husband’s fidelity, but of the paternity of Amy’s children. So I asked Luke, for my own peace of mind, for the sake of our daughter, and for our family unit, if he could please get a DNA test, a paternity test.

I went on to say that I knew he disliked and distrusted such things, but that I really needed this. I could see the pain in Luke’s eyes. Maybe it was an act, but he did seem genuinely hurt that I was asking for this, that him giving me his word that he had always been faithful was not enough for me. But he very reluctantly agreed to participate in a DNA test.

Unfortunately, Amy did not, and that’s where we hit a roadblock. I was afraid of this. But Amy was infuriated at the whole concept and told me in no uncertain terms that I would not be getting samples of her children’s DNA and basically told me to f off for asking, several times in several variations. I pressed Luke, and honestly he was a bit useless but probably right.

He tried to convince Amy but she wouldn’t hear of it, and he kind of shrugged to me when I pushed him for further support. Because he can’t force her to get the tests done, if she refuses, that’s really a dead end. Trust me, it is, I looked into this quite a bit and consulted with my lawyer.

The problem is, Luke could, in theory, petition the court to demand a paternity test for Tom and the others. The issue is that, to do this, he’d essentially be claiming he slept with Amy and he believes her children to be his. That would be the version of events he’d be maintaining. But Luke has staunchly insisted that nothing ever happened with Amy. That he never cheated on me.

Whether or not he’s being honest about this is another story, but he’d essentially have to go on record and make a claim that he isn’t prepared to make. He is quite certain the children aren’t his and he has no intention of fighting for custody of them. So no judge is going to compel Amy to submit samples of her children’s DNA. Tom is also old enough that his consent would be a factor.

If both he and Amy refuse to participate in the test, it’s unlikely that Luke would have a case. He’d have to “target” one of Amy’s younger children, like say, one of the twins. But he doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want to take his best friend to court to prove something that, in his words, he already knows isn’t true.

Luke is asking me to please just let this go, and trust him, because pursuing this will fracture everything. And according to my lawyer, it’s not realistic anyway. For Luke to establish paternity, he would need to admit to an affair in the first place, and he’s not doing that. And if he did, that would pretty much be all the proof I needed to be certain, even if I’d need more in a court case.

I pestered him further about Tom and Sophie. Insisted that I didn’t want them dating. Luke agreed, and apparently Amy still agrees. Luke plans to have a talk with Tom and activate protective papa bear mode. Among other things, he’s going to remind Tom that in a couple of months when he turns eighteen, him being intimate with Sophie will literally be a crime.

I…wouldn’t actually press charges against him as I know he’d never do anything against Sophie’s will, but I’m not above implying the threat. Thankfully, Luke isn’t either. I did ask him if he’d be open to potentially swiping a sample of Tom’s DNA to do a private paternity test, but he was very hesitant about the idea.

Like me, he viewed it as unethical. He also pointed out that if we were to do this and Amy found out, it would mean the end of our friendship with her, most likely. Things are, Luke believes, still in a salvageable state, where Amy and I could reconcile and become friends again, and I can see how much he wants this to happen.

But, if I did a DNA test on Tom behind Amy’s back and she found out, I think she would hit the roof and I wouldn’t entirely blame her. Though I’d be very interested to see the results. Luke ended up going to see Amy and spending the night. I know all of you are cringing and throwing up your hands, and trust me, I wasn’t happy about it. That was a very long conversation.

But he was adamant that he needed to perform damage control. So they spent the night together. With Luke maintaining that nothing happened. I did not sleep a wink and I kept texting him for updates. So far as I can tell, Amy will cool off, but she needs a little time. Luke and I talked things over when he came back the next morning.

It was an emotionally fulfilling conversation and we ended up agreeing to take the kids (our kids, not Amy’s) to visit their grandparents for a few days. It was an impromptu visit but we’ve done it before and they were delighted to have us. I just really wanted our family to spend some time together away from Amy’s “side” of the family, so to speak. I always love getting to see my in-laws.

(I’ll refer to them as “Jim” (75 M) and “Cat” (67F) . I know Reddit is famous for stories about the “MIL from hell” but in my life that couldn’t be further from the truth. I feel safe with them. To the point that, when they took notice of how distant Luke and I were from each other, I finally relented and confessed my fears.

I told them of my anxiety that Amy and Luke were having an affair, and that Amy’s children might be his. Here’s where things got a little bit interesting. When I told them what I was feeling, Cat just gave Jim this pointed look, and did a big, dramatic sigh.

So it turns out, Cat has had similar misgivings to mine and genuinely suspected over the years that Luke and Amy were closer than they’d ever admit, that they had crossed the line in the past. Jim, on the other hand, simply refuses to even consider the idea. He has always insisted that Cat is seeing things that aren’t there. He maintains that Luke and Amy are “like siblings” and would “never” do such a thing.

Cat thinks his stance on this is naive and that, even if she and Jim had taken Amy in and loved her like a daughter, that didn’t mean Luke viewed her as a sister or that she viewed him as a brother. But Jim just continued to insist that this is what they are and had always been.

I could tell that he and Cat have already had this conversation before, and they kept going in circles, with Cat getting exasperated. She pointed out that, surrogate siblings or not, Luke and Amy were not actually brother and sister, so nothing was stopping them from being physical together if they felt a mutual attraction. At that point, Jim just sighed and walked away from the conversation.

So yes, Cat has privately wondered if Amy’s children weren’t fathered by Luke, which is part of why she has always treated them as her grandchildren. Which was never something that I minded, to be clear. I also don’t mind that Cat never voiced these concerns to me. She had no proof, and she saw far less of Luke and Amy’s closeness in our adult lives than I did.

As for the kids? They’re doing alright. I don’t know what Amy told her children, but I think the general consensus, the “official” version of events, is that Amy and I had a “fight” and need a “break” from each other. That’s what Luke and I told our children, and when pressed for more information, Luke did defend me and shut down the questions, saying it wasn’t their business.

I don’t know if Amy kept to that version of events, but my children and her children have each other’s phone numbers and social media, so they’ve presumably still been in contact over the last two days. I think my kids would have kept Amy’s kids in the loop on the updates, and if Amy had told them anything else significant, they would have relayed that information to my kids.

After all, we know Sophie and Tom are very close. I did try and talk to Sophie about that more, but the timing was off, because Sophie rejected my counsel and interpreted my reinforced reluctance as being attributed to my fight with Amy. She maintained that she wasn’t dating Tom (to what degree that’s actually true…I don’t know.)

But she was going to remain close friends with him and while she isn’t usually a disobedient child, she made it very clear that she was putting her foot down on this one, and, to be fair, I can’t really justify trying to separate them or forbid them from being friends. They’ve known each other for years.

Luke has my back on them not being allowed to date, but he wouldn’t have my back on them not hanging out anymore. I wish I had a more definitive update. If anything significant happens in the next few days, I can let you guys know.

I’m mostly just kicking myself for not having done the secret test, even for my own peace of mind, as now I feel like I’m locked out of the only way to get definitive proof one way or the other.

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

valitopuwu wrote:

Honey, maybe the kids aren’t Luke’s but he’s definitely cheating on you with Amy, even if it’s emotionally. Being honest with you, I firmly believe that they do have an affair and it’s not just emotional, even you know another person who sees everything directly also believes that the kids are his and that he has a thing for Amy.

I think it’s time to put your foot down and reconsider your marriage, you expressed your feelings to both of them and he ran to spend the night with her to make sure she could get over this, do you realize how disrespectful it is that your husband would rather put another woman before you when you told him you feel insecure and paranoid about her?

OP responded:

I have been reconsidering a great many things these past few days, especially since the fight.

smchapman21 wrote:

Your husband spending the night with her was already odd and concerning, but he absolutely should not have done that after you confronted them. That in and of itself is a huge red flag and says more than any words can say. I don’t care how much they’re like siblings, that was over the line.

Add on the fact that you’re not the only one with these concerns, I would be asking for a separation at the very least with some marriage counseling. It’s great you have an amazing MIL (you’re truly blessed with that) so maybe she can help get some more answers now that the thought is out there for all of the adults.

OP responded:

I’ve already gotten half a dozen comments about that part in as many minutes. I think people are zeroing in too much on the “spent the night” part. Whether he’d slept over or come home very late, the point is he spent a lot of alone time with Amy after hours.

And no, I’m not happy about it, but (supposedly…) he was trying to save our friendship after my accusation. He did offer to record their interactions on his phone. But yeah, I didn’t like it and I still second guess it.

[deleted] wrote:

He went to console his real wife for the night she admitted as much she’s jealous of you and your relationship status, she hates you and hides it because she wants your husband to herself.

OP responded:

This is my nightmare.

Emperorfrythesolid wrote:

He had to do damage control by staying the night with her? That’s because she’s his girlfriend. I really don’t see any other interpretation of that.

Days later, OP shared another update:

I didn’t expect to have another update so quickly, but after posting my first update I did a lot of thinking about my kids. I ultimately decided that whatever else happened, I needed to warn Sophie about the situation, and do so immediately. To hell with Luke and whatever that meant for him. To hell if that meant all of the kids learned of the situation. She needed to be aware of what she might be getting herself into.

So I discreetly kept her out of school. We went back home, to our home, last night, and this morning, I dropped everyone off and saved Sophie for last, before driving right past her school and telling her that we needed to talk. Always a frightening thing for a teenager to hear from a parent.

But I was quick to establish that she was not in trouble, but she needed to know the truth about why Amy and I were fighting, why her dating Tom was out of the question. I very gently explained that because of Luke’s closeness to Amy and Tom’s resemblance to him, I had come to suspect that perhaps Luke and Amy were intimate at some point over the years.

If that was true, and there was any chance Tom’s father was actually Luke, that would be a significant problem. Sophie was quiet during all of this, and even after I had stopped talking to let her respond, she paused for quite a while, before she finally said that we needed to get Tom and discuss this with him as well.

I had no objections, so she texted him to meet with us. They’re both skipping school today, but Sophie gets straight As and this is extremely important, so I looked the other way. Tom came to meet us, and Sophie had me relay what I told her to him as well. I apologized to him for any indication I might have given that I didn’t think he was “good enough” for my daughter, and to both of them for not telling the truth sooner.

Tom and Sophie just gave each other this oddly knowing stare. And, that’s when they blew my mind. Sophie spoke first, with Tom backing her up. They revealed to me that in fact, they had already known about Luke and Amy, or at least they had strongly suspected. Apparently, Tom has overheard conversations that are…questionable.

As well as overhearing the sounds of intimacy from Amy’s room, sounds he would just as soon forget, but all signs point to Amy’s lover having been Luke. Tom had wondered for a very long time, and back in January, he finally voiced his fears to Sophie. She agreed with them. She could also see a strange sort of closeness between her father and his mother. They agreed that Luke was likely having an affair.

They agreed that, because of Kaylee’s allergy, Luke might very well be her father. And if Kaylee was Luke’s daughter, the rest of Tom’s siblings could be Luke’s as well. Tom could be Luke’s kid himself. The math led them to the same places as me. So Sophie and Tom came up with a little plan. As it turns out, they are not in love! They never were. They’re still just best friends.

But they had the same instinct as me, that they didn’t want to blow up our entire family and social unit without more direct evidence (which Tom has been working on acquiring) and though Sophie very badly wanted to tell me the truth, she was hesitant because she knew it would shatter me. She had no idea I was already suffering in silence. Sophie apologized for not voicing her suspicions sooner.

Honestly, we both cried, and I made sure she understood that none of this was her fault, and that I loved her very much. So, the bottom line is, Sophie and Tom already know they could be half-siblings and aren’t actually interested in being a couple. That was their idea for how to rock the boat.

To force Luke and Amy to do something about the situation rather than just keep making a fool out of me. I also think it was Tom/Sophie’s way of punishing them for their affair. Teenagers can be vindictive. So they concocted this idea that they wanted to date. Every flirtation I’ve witnessed, every inappropriate touch – all staged, apparently, and for the benefit of Luke, Amy, or both.

This was supposed to make them sweat and Sophie/Tom expected they would jump out of their seats to forbid it from happening. When I was the one who did instead, that kind of threw the kids for a loop. They couldn’t understand why I cared more than the actual cheaters. They began to suspect that maybe I knew.

Tom confronting me that one time about “Why can’t I date Sophie” was him trying to gauge if I knew or not. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised. Sophie and Tom have always been close friends and confided in each other. Maybe I should be a little more concerned at how sneaky they’ve been, but honestly I’m just so relieved they’re not dating.

(Sure, they could be lying to throw off the scent, I guess, but they apparently already knew that they’re likely related, they didn’t blink at all when I told them.) We even had a bit of a laugh together when Tom mentioned how he had been “a little offended” that I was so against him dating my daughter before. I kind of jokingly asked him, “So you don’t think she’s gorgeous?”

And Tom, bless his heart, shrugged it off. “She is. But so is my English Teacher, and I’m not asking her out either.” Either way, the question now is…where to go from here? We have to figure that out. I will say that it is such a relief to have told Sophie and I feel like an elephant has taken one of its feet off my chest.

Having her in my corner, and Tom in my corner as well, means a lot to me, and even though I basically just got it absolutely confirmed that Luke is sleeping with Amy…I kind of already knew that anyway. So now it’s just a question of how to proceed.

Tom has already volunteered to submit his DNA so I can compare it to Luke’s, and both he and Sophie advise me not to tell Luke and Amy when I do this, which I agree with. They’re both completely on my side, which means more to me than I can ever express to them.

Tom has also been trying to set up a camera in Amy’s room to catch her and Luke in the act. Sophie told me flat out that I needed to divorce her Dad, and hearing that from my own daughter made it clearer than it’s ever been. She’s right.

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

Acrylic_Kitten wrote:

I might be on the kids side of manipulation Cause I think the best bet would be for you to give Sophie and Tom “your blessing” since Luke and Amy had “reassured you so well” and see what they do.

OP responded:

We’re considering that.

No_thanks1766 wrote:

Question: are you planning on divorcing him?

If so, wouldn’t it be better if you divorced him first for the infidelity and then asked Tom and Sophie to do the DNA test? If it turns out that he is the father, then he will be liable for child support.

Not to be an AH but you need to worry about yourself and your children first. Make sure you get your alimony and child support before Amy is legally entitled to anything. I think you should talk to a lawyer about how all of that would work before you get any tests done. At the end of the day, you know he cheated on you. That’s reason enough for divorce.

OP responded:

Oh I’m calling my lawyer ASAP.

Sensitive_engineer64 wrote:

Was Tom home the night your husband stayed over to “calm things down” with Amy?

OP responded:

Yes, and according to him, he heard…things.

That was a punch in the gut.

z-eldapin wrote:

Okey doke. Tom and Sophie have to be sitting on the couch when Luke comes home and drop the bomb that Sophie is pregnant.

Or, to say that they had the same thoughts and did their own DNA tests and SURPRISE! You ARE the father.

OP responded:

Actually, that was something they had considered doing before.

Now that the three of us are on the same page, it’s not the worst idea.

Weeks later, OP jumped on with another update:

First, a few points to answer from the comments. I don’t have any DNA test results back yet. That can take weeks. But now that I know Sophie is in no danger of dating a relative, the pressure is off. I’ll get into this momentarily, but, it frankly no longer matters if Luke fathered the children.

I highly, highly doubt my father-in-law is having an affair with Amy. At worst, he might know (or even just suspect) the truth about Amy and Luke. But it’s also possible that he just refuses to believe they would do such a thing. I’ve been vague about details for privacy, but to put it very simply, Jim and Amy are both pretty white. Cat and Luke are not.

Had Jim fathered Amy’s babies, they would look different than they do. Nonetheless, I do have an update. While a stream of comments have called me spineless and naive, called me a “sister wife” (as an ex-Mormon, that hits a particular nerve) and most recently, a stream of comments have said my story is fake (fair enough, it’s the internet, but Luke is not the first scumbag husband to have two families.)

Several other comments have been incredibly kind and supportive and I really appreciate that. Apologies if I haven’t responded to a comment or direct message that you sent. I covered as many as I could but I was literally getting hundreds, so I definitely missed several of them.

First thing’s first. I discussed this in the comments, but our little “team” has (supposedly) recruited my mother-in -aw. I say “supposedly” because Sophie and Tom were going to talk to her about getting help with submitting the DNA test and, at the advice of my lawyer, I am staying out of the process.

Officially, I told Sophie not to do it, and she said she wouldn’t. MIL hasn’t contacted me about it either. (Though we have been in touch, I’ll get into that more in a moment.) The bottom line is that I can honestly say I had no knowledge of any DNA test. Loophole city.

Another bit of good news. I was digging through the paperwork in preparation for my divorce, wanting to get a head start against Luke, and one thing that came to my attention is that my name is on the paperwork for our home. Luke’s name is not.

I was the one who bought the house and we always planned to add Luke onto the paperwork at some point, but we never got around to it and eventually the idea was forgotten. It was my lawyer, “Paige” who pointed this out to me, and it was like finding a winning lottery ticket on the ground. I don’t know where I’d be without Paige.

She’s a dear friend from college who I reached out to, hat in hand, for help. She’s been there for me this past week not just as legal counsel but as a friend I really needed right now. The thing is, she’s not “our” lawyer, me and Luke.

We have our own “family” attorney who has helped us out of jams in the past (we clashed with our HOA a few years ago, not worth getting into right now) but Paige is a lawyer who specializes in family law and has handled divorces before. Luke remembers her from college and knows she went into law but doesn’t know she’s a divorce attorney.

So I can have her over for coffee like we’re “catching up” and he has no idea anything is going on. Turns out, he’s not the only one who can harbor someone under his spouse’s nose under the guise of being a “friend.”

So. Onto the update…

The last time I looked in Luke’s phone was three months ago, around the point Sophie and Tom began to go around claiming they wanted to date. I found nothing. While I know how to search for recently deleted photos and didn’t see any, my comments taught me how to find recently deleted messages. So, when Luke was asleep, I did just that.

Swiped his phone and brought it downstairs, checked recently deleted. I am glad I did but I also wish I had not, because I’m still reeling from the pain. Sure enough, a conversation with Amy had been deleted. Recent texts talking about the conflict between her and me, with Amy describing me as a “problem” and Luke trying to pacify her – without defending me at all, to be clear.

They both alluded to how they had “expected” this for a while and just hoped it would never happen – presumably me accusing them of having an affair. While the whole conversation and the fact that it was deleted was sketchy, nothing was actually admitted. So I scrolled a bit higher, to a few days before the fight. Amy’s messages got a bit more flirty. Then. I saw it.

Five days before I confronted them, Amy had sent Luke a topless pic. A selfie with no shirt or bra. Guys, I teared up. I knew it was true, I knew it in my bones, but seeing the proof still cut me like a hot knife. (Doesn’t help that Amy’s always had bigger breasts than me.) I exited the messages app and checked Luke’s recently deleted photos. Sure enough, the same selfie was there, and others.

Amy topless, Amy naked, in various poses to show off. There were pictures of the two of them together, cuddled and pressed close like a couple. In some of these, she was naked. In some, they both were. There were videos.

Amy sent Luke a video message of herself topless, and I had to actually hear her voice talking to him in a tone that made me sick, about how she was sending him a quick video to “help him get through the day.” In more than one video, she called him her “boo” and, hearing her call him that, I almost vomited. Stopped looking at that point, I’d seen enough.

For about five minutes anyway, then a strange compulsion to keep searching led me to check Luke’s laptop. I knew enough of his passcodes to access his iCloud storage and…yeah, basically more of the same. There were letters, long letters between them. I didn’t have the heart to read past the first few lines of one of them, but I did read Luke mention “our children.”

There were countless topless selfies of Amy. Selfies of them together. There were intimate tapes. Of the two of them. Tom had previously offered to try and hide a camera in Amy’s room, but well, he never needed to. Luke was hiding a whole treasure trove under my nose all along. I scrolled, and scrolled, and scrolled. There were so many. Going back years. Not all of it was even bedroom stuff.

There were some photos of Amy’s kids, too. One video was of Kaylee and the twins playing together when they were younger, and Luke and Amy’s voices from behind the camera. There were even old pictures of Luke and Amy from when they were younger. I’d even say teenagers. I snapped. All these years, I had been telling myself I had to be wrong, that it couldn’t be true.

Well, it was true. I know that no one forced me to look at as much of the evidence as I did, but I’m still hurting very badly from having seen it and in that moment, I wanted to act, so I did. I called my lawyer, who is a remarkable woman. It was the middle of the night, so I had to call her twice, and she picked up.

Though I had woken her, when I asked her to come by and said it was an emergency, she agreed. I also asked her to draw up the paperwork and have it ready. She told me that she’d already had it ready since I first reached out to her.

As I waited for her, I went through the necessary channels on Luke’s laptop to make sure he wouldn’t be able to remotely disconnect our access to his little stash, changing passwords and all that. My lawyer “Paige” arrived, and I went outside to greet her in the car.

Spent a good half hour in the passenger seat just crying, and she was great about that, before I passed her Luke’s phone and his laptop, with all the information she needed to use them. She warned me that this could be considered theft. So I asked her to forward and print out copies of everything she could and then bring the items back, because I just couldn’t bear to do it myself. She agreed.

I went back inside, and then, I packed up Luke’s things while the house slept. At one point, Owen got up to use the bathroom and asked me what I was doing, but I told him I was just cleaning. Luke stirred once or twice while I was in the bedroom but did not wake. I got all of his things packed into trash bags and I loaded up the car. That’s when I woke him up, and told him to come outside.

He was confused and half-asleep, but he did notice things were missing. I ignored his questions and just told him to come with me. So he followed me outside. Once we were by the car, I pulled out the divorce papers and officially handed them to him. That was about when he figured out what I was doing, and he tried to talk me out of it. Tried to be sweet with me, to be tender.

He kept insisting that he loved me and that there had never been anything with Amy. Kept trying to persuade me not to tear our family apart. Even two weeks ago, I might have wilted under him because the manipulation and gaslighting were truly masterclass, but I can see through it now. I didn’t tell him that I knew he was full of shit, I didn’t tell him what I had seen, I just told him we were finished.

 

He tried a different approach. He refused to go. Stated firmly that our children were his too, and that even if we were separating, I had no right to just decide the kids would stay with me over him. This was where I very coldly presented the paperwork reminding him that the house is in my name, and told him under no circumstances would my kids be staying with Amy.

He argued a while longer, but in the end he decided to be the “bigger person” and “keep the peace.” At that moment ,I didn’t care where he went. Before he left, he did ask about his phone and laptop, and I waved him off by saying they were in one of the bags. Bought a little time. I couldn’t sleep for the rest of that night. I cried more.

Eventually, I realized I’d have to wake my children up early and explain to the extent that I could. Naturally, I woke Sophie first. I told her that I had kicked her father out, and that I had discovered evidence of an affair on his devices. I did not specify what kind of evidence and she did not ask. I woke up the others and gently told them that their Dad had gone to stay somewhere else for a while.

That I wasn’t sure where, but from now on things were going to be different. Louise was the one to ask if we were getting divorced, and I couldn’t lie to her. I told her yes. Owen asked when they could see their father again and I wanted to cry. Sophie was a very big help, urging her siblings to be sympathetic to me right now and worry about Dad later.

I knew better than to “poison” them against their father (Paige warned me against doing that as well) so I only told Sophie that the affair was confirmed since she had already been in the know. However, as the kids were getting ready for school, Owen approached me and asked me point blank if it was about Amy.

If Luke was going to be with her instead of me. I couldn’t answer, but I suppose that’s an answer on its own. Got the kids to school, and my next step was calling to have the locks changed. I knew Luke would be back for his devices before long, but thankfully Paige returned with them before he showed up again. It was a very quick visit.

She just told me that all was accomplished, and she had records of everything we would need in court. Sure enough, Luke turned up an hour later demanding to know where his laptop and phone were. I had set them back in our bedroom like they had never moved, and I just told him he had forgotten them.

He insisted that I had said they were in one of the bags, so I just shrugged him off and told him I “must have been mistaken.” After he grabbed them, he tried again to reason with me, but I just showed him the door. I knew the kids would start to come home from school before long and I think he was trying to delay leaving so he could see them. I was not having it. I started shouting again and sent him on his way.

I’m still just in absolute pain and despair for what I saw. I don’t know if he’ll realize that anyone went through his devices and made copies of the evidence, or if he suspects I saw anything, but he obviously didn’t say so. After he left, I cried once again. Talked to my mother-in-law that night. Apparently, Luke did show up to his parents’ house, which was a surprise, as I was so certain he’d stay with Amy.

But maybe even he knows how suspicious that would look to the children and doesn’t want to rock the boat as much. Maybe he knows I’m more likely to let my children see their grandmother than Amy at this point, and he wants to see them to give his version of events. That is not happening. Cat already shared his version with me, that he relayed to her and Jim.

That I’m having some kind of mental breakdown, that he wishes he could help me, but my paranoia is causing me to lash out and turn violent. (I was never violent. I shoved him away when he tried to hold me, that is all.) And what’s so hilarious is that he didn’t mention Amy at ALL to his parents. He didn’t even frame it as me “falsely” believing he was having an affair.

Even though that’s his story when talking to ME, he left Amy out of it when talking to his parents. Cat noticed that. She believes me. Jim doesn’t know what to believe anymore. According to Cat, he seemed very, very troubled by what he heard from all sides. As for Amy, she’s radio silent. Tom has told Sophie that she’s acting like nothing is wrong but is clearly stressed out.

That when her children ask, she makes the same sort of claims. That I am having some kind of emotional, nervous breakdown, and pushing her away, as well as Luke. She doesn’t mention anything about my accusing them of an affair, but still puts it all on me. Amy has not reached out to talk to me directly, and I have not tried talking to her since our big argument.

I haven’t really told my kids anything, just that I’m having disagreements with Luke and Amy – though I was very clear that it is NOT a question of my mental health. Honestly, I think they all kind of know what’s going on. Sophie continues to be my rock, as I try to be for her and the others, and Tom continues to be our spy in the ranks.

Right now, my biggest regret is the stress that all of this is causing on the children, which I knew it would, but it still needed to be done. My life has fallen apart. But it was never my life.

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

dragon-lady1959 wrote:

I’d be hiring a forensic accountant to see how much he has been spending on his other family. Stay strong, it will get better.

OP responded:

You and Paige have the same mind.

gee_thats_weird123 wrote:

Is there a reason he never married Amy?! Especially since Amy has known him since childhood. Or do they just get off on the kink of cheating?

OP responded:

I still don’t know, and it pisses me off.

soggysea4363 wrote:

I’m sorry that you had to find out about their affair this way. Now that you know the truth, you can leave this marriage with a weight off your shoulders and start to rebuild the life that you and your children deserve.

This is terrible and it’s probably going to require some therapy for you and your children, but I’m sure that with time and healing, things will start to hurt a little less until it’s just a lost memory or moment from the past xxx

OP responded:

That’s why I went out of my way to get him out but keep them close.

Just taking things one day at a time.

Comparisonflashy8522 wrote:

Owen asking if it was about Amy. All of your kids must have seen and heard things from them when they thought they weren’t being observed. Please get them into counselling soon.

You are AMAZING! Stay strong and calm, that will negate all claims of you having a mental breakdown. You’ve got this.

After more developments, OP jumped on with another update:

In my last post, there were a number of criticisms toward Paige. (You guys will like this update as it turns out, you weren’t the only ones who had a problem with her.)

As far as the deed being in my name, it’s not an absolute hook, line, and sinker, but Paige is convinced that between that and my having been the one paying the mortgage, I stand a very good chance. It could be interpreted as a common marital property, but I’m going for primary custody with supervised visits anyway.

I’m playing hardball. People also questioned whether I should still be posting these, but so long as it’s all anonymous, I am in the clear. Doesn’t even matter if someone who knows me could figure out I posted this. I didn’t use any real names, or reveal my location, or anything like that.

As for the laptop, even Paige admitted that was questionable, but technically I gave permission and she was only doing what I could have easily done on my own. I just really didn’t want to go through all of that content. As far as the divorce papers, Paige had them filled out after the very first time I contacted her.

My ‘serving’ them to Luke was ceremonial, she still contacted him later to “officially” serve him and request his lawyer’s details. But before he could respond, I had already done something a little sneaky. I reached out to our “family” attorney, the one who has always been on call to represent me and Luke during our marriage. (He helped us out of a jam with the HOA a while back.)

I’ll call him “Zack.” Now, contrary to some of the comments’ suggestions, I cannot just go around town consulting with every lawyer in the area, with the explicit purpose of locking my husband out of hiring them. That is bad faith and judges don’t look too kindly on it. However, this was Zack. He had been *my* attorney (and Luke’s) for years. I feel like I had just as much right to him as Luke did.

And I got there first. So I was able to nail down our family’s lawyer. Met with both him and Paige, and boy howdy, do they not like each other. Zach brought up some of the same problems as some of my comments. He argued that Paige’s activity was in the “gray” area and urged me to hire him to represent me in the divorce instead.

That caused a bit of conflict as Paige is explicitly a “family” attorney and this is her specialization. So I’m going to be consulting both of them from here on out. Zach actually thinks it’s a good thing that I made these posts as they can’t really do much other than prove my sanity when Luke and Amy try to argue otherwise.

Overall, I am doing better. I’ve been talking to a friend in real life, the mom of one of Sophie’s friends. I also have therapy scheduled for myself, and I intend to look into family therapy as well. When my kids ask me what’s going on, I simply tell them that their father and I are having adult problems and it’s nothing they need to worry about.

That worked for about a day. Sophie warned me they were planning to confront me as a group, and they did, asking if Dad had cheated on me with Amy. Obviously, they’ve been talking about this, and perhaps they have been for longer than I had anticipated. Perhaps they’ve been wondering.

Again, even though I had absolute proof, I was hesitant to tell them as much, and let me explain why. I naturally wouldn’t tell them about the graphic content I found, I would simply say that I found messages between Luke and Amy revealing their affair. But, with the exception of Sophie, they wouldn’t be satisfied with that.

I already know Carter, curious little sweetheart that he is, would want to see these messages. So instead, when I was asked directly by my kids if their Dad had cheated on me, I simply said “I believe he did, yes.” With as much sincerity as I could muster. I think they believe me.

Tom and Sophie are texting nonstop, and from what I can gather, there’s doubt among Amy’s children as well, that this is about me “losing my mind” and not about their mother being too close to my husband. I think it’s slowly sinking in for poor Jim that what he didn’t want to believe was possible is very much possible, and it’s happening. I haven’t shown him or Cat any letters or anything.

They’re hosting Luke, so I haven’t had much of any contact with them at all. But I did have one phone call with Cat where we wished each other well, that was nice. In the background, I could hear shouting and though Cat quickly went outside, I did hear what sounded like Jim shouting at Luke.

He doesn’t usually shout, he’s the calmest man I’ve ever met, so in a way I’m worried about him but also relieved that the wool is being pulled off of his eyes. According to Cat, Luke is still staunchly denying everything. He was pretty upset when he found out that I had poached Zach, though. Which gave me a kind of grim satisfaction.

The test results came back! Sophie and Tom tested their DNA against each other to see if they truly are blood siblings. Here’s a surprise – according to the test, they’re not. They don’t share any DNA. To everyone who believed Jim had fathered Amy’s babies, here is definitive proof that he did not, because the test would have revealed that too. But I never believed it anyway.

Sophie has her doubts and wonders if the results weren’t faulty and if we shouldn’t take another test to be absolutely certain, but I’m not really worried about that. More confused than anything. I was so certain Tom had to be Luke’s son. He was too. Now he doesn’t know what to think and I don’t either.

I obviously now know the affair happened and lasted years, and I know from the letters that Kaylee is Luke’s child, or at least both he and Amy seem to believe she is, which confirms they were intimate fifteen years ago. Now I’m just wondering for Tom’s sake. Who, if not Luke, is his father? He does kind of look like Luke, but that might just be coincidence.

In general, everything was quiet for a few days, until it wasn’t. Until she finally showed her face. My “best friend” Amy. I am so happy I installed ring cameras everywhere as you are about to understand. Sure enough, Amy turned up on my doorstep and asked to talk. She had a relaxed demeanor and did not raise her voice. Assuming she was approaching me on Luke’s behalf, I told her that I wasn’t interested in talking to her and to just go away.

She did not leave, but she didn’t make a scene either. She persisted in telling me we needed to have a conversation. The kids weren’t home, and did have cameras inside – I was also recording her on my phone and being discreet about it – so eventually I relented and let her in. I don’t know if she realized she was on camera. We sat down on the couch, and she instantly got into the reason for her visit.

Turns out, she and Luke know (or suspect) that I procured damning material from his laptop. Amy accused me of going through his devices and told me that anything I found was not my business and I needed to delete it. That was all she had to say. No apology, no admission of guilt, didn’t take responsibility for her own behavior.

Hell, she might have known I was recording her, because she didn’t even directly acknowledge what the “sensitive material” on Luke’s laptop actually was. So I confronted her, letting out some of my anger. I asked how she could have the nerve to make demands of me. I asked her why she and Luke would do a thing like this in the first place.

Why had they seen fit to spend all these years betraying me? I posed the question that I’d been wondering about for a long time, and as I expected, I got no answer. Literally, Amy didn’t seem to really hear me even as I confronted her. She seemed like she was stressed. Panicked, even. But she was keeping it under wraps.

She ignored my questions and accusations, and just kept telling me to delete whatever content from Luke’s laptop that I had. She said that if I wanted to divorce Luke, that was my call, but not to “drag her into it.” Oh, that made me so mad. I kept my temper, but I did snap back that she was already very much in it. Amy just kept repeating herself. Telling me to delete whatever I found.

So I just refused. I asked her, point blank, why I should. Why did I have any reason to? Amy got more aggressive, raising her voice. She was trying to intimidate me but I held my ground. She told me that this wasn’t about me, and that I needed to just do as she said. That it was very important. So, I asked again: Why?

And yet again, she would not answer. So I asked her if Luke had sent her to do this or if she had shown up on her own. No answer to that either. It was like talking to a brick wall. So I asked her to leave. Just as I’d been afraid of, she wouldn’t go. She refused to leave until I had deleted everything I’d found “in front of her.” I couldn’t help laughing. I told her no, that wasn’t going to happen.

This is where I could see her starting to freak out more. In another moment, she got up, ran into the other room, and grabbed my laptop. Before I could stop her, she smashed it on the floor. I really don’t know why she thought that would work or get her the outcome she wanted, I think she was just panicking.

Obviously, I still have everything (except now I need to buy a new laptop..) and, sadly, her doing this was out of frame of the camera, but it’s fine. All of my important files are backed up, and at that moment, I was more concerned that Amy would do something else drastic. She looked like she was going to have a breakdown. I tried again, very calmly, to tell her that she needed to leave or I would call the authorities.

She refused again, and just kept repeating her demand that I drop this whole “cheating” angle and divorce Luke without trying to argue that an affair took place. At that point, I just stared at her. At the woman I had considered one of my dearest friends in all the world. And I told her that I didn’t owe her anything, but she owed her children the truth. That they had the right to know where they came from.

Who Luke really was to them. Amy bristled and told me it was none of my business – that I didn’t understand her family and I needed to back off. She kept going back to this idea that I could divorce Luke, but I must not claim he’d had an affair with her. I just told her that I didn’t need her permission to handle my divorce how I wanted, and told her again to leave.

She got more and more desperate, and her anger accelerated to the point that she physically attacked me. I did not expect her to actually do this. I’m not much of a fighter but I do know the human body pretty well, and where it’s weakest. She hurt me pretty badly, but I got her off me. That part was very much on camera, and the whole audio was recorded on my phone.

She finally left after that, and I immediately called to file a report. I had the strangest feeling she’d try something similar and wanted to beat her to the punch. I was able to clean myself up by the time I had to face my kids, and while I downplayed the story, I did not lie to them about why I had a black eye. I told them, for their own safety, to steer clear of Amy.

I also sent the footage to Paige and Zack, as well as pictures of my injured state before I cleaned up. They’ve also printed out the letters that reference Kaylee as Luke’s child. I really feel like Amy just screwed herself over on all this. I don’t know what her motives were. Was she protecting Luke? Was this his idea?

Does she just really not want the world to know she’s a homewrecker, is she covering her own butt? As if people didn’t know already?

The more of my social circle I talk to, and inform of the basics, the more people are confessing that they had wondered in the past if Luke wasn’t cheating on me, but didn’t have any concrete proof. I suppose Amy doesn’t want her kids to know who fathered them, which does line up, but…I’m still not sure about Tom. I didn’t ask Amy about him in particular.

I don’t know why you guys are so eager for these updates but I don’t mind posting them. I’ve never blogged about my life before, I’d imagine it feels something like this?

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

Bellamissystorm wrote:

I’m so sorry that she had gone to your home and attacked you. Glad you still have the evidence and didn’t back down. I have a feeling that she is wanting you to delete the stuff because maybe your in laws have threatened to cut her off financially if it is true? Thank you for the update. Hope you are healing.

OP responded:

I could see that being the case.

barefootandsunkissed wrote:

Something else is definitely going on with Amy. I’m not sure if it has anything to do with Luke or not but there’s some piece of the puzzle missing here.

I suppose fear of a ruined reputation could be enough to motivate someone to behave like that, but…not denying the affair while insisting that you not “drag” her into it makes it seem to me as though there’s something else going on. Someone who was concerned with being labeled a homewrecker would just continue to flat-out deny the affair, imo.

We live in an age where she could even tell other people that your evidence is just Photoshop or AI. If she were just concerned with her rep she’d be doing damage control with friends, family, her kids…not with you. I don’t have any theories or any real help to offer here, but fwiw I feel like there’s more to the story that you don’t know yet.

number5momo wrote:

For whatever reason the person who is the father cannot be known. Maybe it’s someone in her family. Maybe she’s blackmailing someone but if this gets out they can have revenge? All I know is…this is deeper than the affair. She was willing to attack you over it. I would ask Paige to review for hints at something other than the affair.

She is most concerned about the affair and her family finding out. I gotta go back and read the background but, is she in contact with them? Is there a possibility that they are giving her money and revealing this affair would take that away? The sensitive information is “none of your business” makes me wonder.

If she’s not on substance or in the middle of a psychotic break, why wouldn’t the affair information have anything to do with you? Why is she fine with talking about the affair but the actual details of the affair, are too sensitive to even mention, as if she knows you’re recording.

But she has no hesitation in attacking you, even though she seems t know, you’re recording. I wish you the best. I hope this doesn’t continue to escalate. I am hoping for a quick and speedy divorce. But there’s at least one more blow up going to happen if the details of the divorce get out.

OP responded:

She’s not in contact with her family and hasn’t been for many years. They ab**ed her. Luke’s family became her family.

She never actually admitted to having an affair, actually. I noticed that too.

Nily_che wrote:

Oh, to be a fly on the wall when Luke finds out that the children he thought were his actually belong to someone else and that his mistress has been cheating on him for years! It would be sooo satisfying. He will lose not only his wife and mistress but also some of his “children.” Not to mention losing the respect of the children he had with you. He’s headed straight for the downfall.

Weeks later, OP jumped on with another update:

A lot has happened. I don’t really want to talk about all of it in detail so I’m going to keep this short. I know I never shut up, it’s just how I am, but I’m going to be much more brief this go around. Luke has a lawyer now. I don’t know him. But he met with Zack and Paige.

To everyone saying I should have Amy locked up, I probably could have if I had shown the authorities the video. Instead, I just sent it to my lawyer. Maybe this makes me foolish, but even now, I think part of me is still trying to protect people I once loved and go easy on them. But everything’s been on hold for the past few days, because Jim had a heart attack.

I saw Luke and I saw Amy, and Amy’s kids, at the funeral. It was the first time we were all together since before all this happened. Nobody talked about what’s going on, short of Amy briefly apologizing for “what happened” before. She did seem sincere, I’ll give her that. But I wasn’t about to call her out anyway.

Amy, Luke, and Cat all seemed pretty devastated. I was too. But we all agreed not to argue or talk about the divorce and to just let the day be a ceasefire to focus on Jim. Luke and I had a nice conversation about him. I’ve been spending time with my kids and taking a couple of days off work. I have enough of them on the back burner.

Luke also saw the kids, twice, before and after the funeral, with me present. It went well. At my direction, and Sophie’s, they didn’t mention Amy, and Luke didn’t try anything funny with any of them. I think he does miss them and hate that he can’t see them, thanks to all this. The kids are also pretty upset about losing Grandpa, on top of not being able to see Dad as much as before.

I don’t think any of them blame me but that’s far from the point, frankly. Carter slept in my bed the last three nights. I’ll get more into this in the future when I have the energy to talk about what’s going on in more detail. But whoever suggested that Cat lied about the test results was correct. She never sent them in.

She confessed as much to me. I guess she didn’t feel comfortable going behind her son’s back…but did feel comfortable lying to me to protect him? Until she didn’t, until she felt guilty, and she came clean. Under the circumstances, I am not angry with her, but I know better than to trust her anymore.

As far as I know, she did not tell Luke about the test. But it means Tom could still be Luke’s son. Probably is. My lawyers finished going through Luke and Amy’s letters with a finer tooth comb. The bottom line is, they definitely found what it was that Amy didn’t want me to see, and I now completely understand why she was so panicked. It has to do with why Amy and Luke didn’t marry conventionally.

They did something very bad. But this is genuinely something that I’m not sure I should be talking about, even on an anonymous internet post. I haven’t even been able to collect my feelings about what Amy and Luke have done, especially with everything else going on, so I don’t know if I should be more explicit. I’m sorry, I know that’s not what anyone wanted to hear, but please try to understand.

Paige agreed with me, that when in doubt, don’t post it. I’ve told my lawyers to put a pin in it for now because I’m in no fit state to figure out how to proceed with it or if I should use it against them. I’m just feeling like crap, honestly. It’s difficult not to blame myself for Jim.

I can only imagine Luke and Amy are blaming themselves too. I know they’re bad people. I don’t forgive them. But this tore them apart as it did me and I think all three of us feel like the divorce stressed Jim out to the point where it may have contributed.

He already had heart disease. And in particular, I blame myself for showing him what I showed him. I showed him “proof” of the affair shortly before he died. I’ll be carrying that with me for a very long time, even if I shouldn’t. I’ll update again whenever I do. I’m sorry. I’ll respond to comments as I can.

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

deemie wrote:

Struggling to think of bad things a “couple” can do to prevent a conventional marriage 🤔

AndyAndyANDYdamn wrote:

So, brushing off whatever you found out about Luke and Amy… I hope you don’t let them get away with painting you as having a mental breakdown or worse. Accusations like that can affect custody. It’s good that you have proof of the affair, but I hope you can cover all your bases in this front.

OP responded:

I have proof of more than that. At this point I have everything I need to burn them down. I’m hoping for a peaceful surrender, but I’m prepared to destroy them if I have to. Only if I have to. I’d rather not put my kids through the war. But I’m not going to lose them.

enough-pack7468 wrote:

OP, first, I’m so sorry for the loss of your FIL. May he RIP. 🪽 Please continue posting, I’m worried about you, your children, and Amy’s children… all innocents in this dumpster fire. PLEASE BE CAREFUL! Luke and Amy are extremely narcissistic, foolish, and desperate people.

As an avid connoisseur of 20/20 and Dateline, I can tell you people who possess these qualities can be dangerous and unpredictable when backed into a corner, as evidenced by Amy’s attack.

In addition to being a teensy bit nosey, we care, we are concerned about you, we are impressed with the dignity in which you have handled the situations that have been thrown at you, and we want/need to see you and your children prevail. In addition, I hope the hive brain has been helpful. Also, if they did what I think they did, I can understand wanting to prevent the public nuclear fallout for Amy’s kids.

But please consider being honest with them (as much as one can for their ages). You are the ONLY adult in their lives that has never lied/omitted the truth to them. Please continue to care and respect them and give them the honesty they deserve.

OP responded:

It’s not just stigma. Amy could lose the kids for this. I don’t know if that would be right, and having to make that ethical decision is a heavy burden.

choice_yesterday8442 wrote:

So the grandmother betrayed the request of her own granddaughter because she wants to be loyal to her son…I understand to a extent but now I feel the granddaughter will never trust her grandmother after this.

OP responded:

She’s in a terrible position. I don’t envy her. But because of her position, she’s compromised and I cannot depend on her.

Saintgodfather wrote:

Half-siblings would explain why MIL didn’t send in DNA test. IF her son wasn’t the father, they’d still show up as related, just at a lower %, which would open up a whole other can of worms.

After more developments cropped up, OP jumped on with another update:

Hey everyone. This may very well be my last update for a while. I’m in therapy now, as are my children. (And, from what I hear, Amy’s children are as well, so that’s good.) So I should probably be focusing on healthier ways to expel my feelings. Nonetheless, I have talked to my therapist about these posts and according to her, venting anonymously online can be healthy, up to a point.

If I do talk about my life again, I may do it in different forums or something, I’m still not sure. I have also met with the Judge now. Many were worried about how these posts might come back to bite me in the butt, legally speaking. The short answer is that they won’t.

The long answer is that because they’re anonymous, there’s technically no risk of defamation or “slander.” I’ve changed enough of the meaningless details and given everyone fake names. The posts aren’t going to be relevant in the case, and I’m clear to keep writing them if I so choose, so long as I don’t discuss the details of the actual case itself.

Though I think the Judge would prefer I just stop writing these altogether, one of the reasons I may do so. Without divulging the specifics, I went ahead and reported what I had learned, and all hell broke loose. I knew I had to do so, because Amy and Luke had changed gears after Jim passed. They began to make the case that Luke and I had always had an open marriage.

That there could be no such thing as an affair, and any instances of Luke sleeping with Amy could not be counted against him. It is no accident that they chose to do this after we lost Jim. As far as I can tell, he was the only other person who knew about what Luke and Amy did, and would have done something about it.

Now that they don’t have to worry about that, I think they wanted to claim I always knew about the affair and that it was no true affair. When I didn’t report them, they must have assumed I didn’t know the truth, and they changed their story. But I knew. I reported it, and now they’re f-ed. Which unfortunately means everyone else found out.

There was no way the children wouldn’t learn the truth through the grapevine. I told Sophie and Tom personally because I figured they would learn of it anyway. The others did. Tom was pretty shell-shocked. I know I’m just the messenger, but I felt terrible and I wanted to comfort him, but there wasn’t a whole lot I could do. Poor Kaylee did not handle it well.

I’m told she had several meltdowns, and then tried to run away. I know she tried to run away because she came to our house for sanctuary. And literally, I had to give her back. I knew all the reasons I had to but I was sorely tempted to give the middle finger to all of them and let Kaylee stay with us against Amy’s wishes.

But no, I had to relinquish her and honestly…nothing has been harder than that was. I know it isn’t my fault but I still feel like I betrayed her. Sophie’s also been dealing with a lot of anger toward her father, especially after he and Amy forced Kaylee to come back to stay with Amy again. All of this…it hit Sophie and Kaylee the hardest. Luke wanted to see Sophie again and she refused.

She wouldn’t come out of her room. Technically, I was supposed to let him see her, but she’s fifteen years old. I told her to come out of her room, she wouldn’t. So in my book, I tried. This was after Kaylee’s incident so when Luke pressed me to force Sophie out of her room, I’m not proud to say I shouted at him to leave. My blood was boiling by that point.

Throughout all this, my soon to be ex husband and his affair partner are still acting like I’m the bad guy. Luke and Amy are angry with me, and that’s putting it lightly. They have no right to be but they are, or at least they’re acting angry. I now have a restraining order against Amy because I was quite certain she would confront me after the fact, and she did.

After I reported them, and before Kaylee came over, Amy came to the house while my kids were home, banged on the door and screamed. She was furious with me for what I had done. But I don’t know what she expected me to do. I called the authorities, but Amy was gone by the time they showed up. They were just as useless as last time, to be honest.

When Kaylee came to me for asylum, Amy came after her, but I wouldn’t let her in until she called the authorities herself. I would only let one of them take Kaylee, Amy was not setting foot in my house. I was very clear to explain the situation but it didn’t matter. Amy later smeared me on social media and framed me as a kidn@pper.

I set the record straight without divulging too much about the circumstances of the situation, which I was tempted to do. Luke also gave me the lecture of a lifetime when I saw him, but I just kept cutting him off and spitting the facts in his face. I don’t know if it’s been my time away from him, but I’m learning to recognize his BS now where previously I fell for it every time.

He always sounds so reasonable and sweet but what he’s actually saying is often circular and evasive. Honestly, I am so angry with him for what he’s done to his children, ALL of them. Kaylee especially. I want to adopt that girl. I know I can’t, but I want to. Cat and I had a long talk as well. So far as I can tell, she didn’t know, and she’s genuinely sorry for her earlier deception.

Trust takes time to rebuild, but I also understand that she was in an awful position. But now that certain things have come to light, she’s kind of in shambles herself, so I pity her. Not to mention, if Amy loses custody of her children, and she very well might, I’ll need all the help I can get. I can’t take all of them in, I don’t have the space. Cat will need to do some of the leg work.

So I’m trying to give her the chance to earn my trust back, sort of out of necessity. I can’t speak to the long term but if all goes as it should, Luke’s not even going to be getting visitation of my kids. We’ll know soon enough though, and it will be on record, if Amy’s children were fathered by him. All I know is, they’ve always been quite certain Kaylee was, though they never had her tested.

So far as I can tell, Amy hasn’t really been intimate with anyone other than Luke for a long time. For the record, Cat is still supporting Amy financially, and by that I mean, she’s supporting Amy’s kids. I don’t mind that. If Amy loses custody, that all goes away anyway. As to the how and why of Luke and Amy getting together? From the letters, I’ve put the pieces together as best I could.

Amy was SAed as a child and Luke was apparently the only person she felt “safe” exploring her physical life with when they were in high school. It was a very bad idea and they both knew the reason it was a very bad idea well before they made that choice. As to the lie about them being “surrogate siblings,” apparently they always DID have that kind of relationship emotionally…but they also did this.

After Tom was born (they also believe Tom to be theirs, going off the letters) the bond took on more romantic aspects as well. Amy describes Luke as “my person” and he says the same about her. I did read the letters in more depth for as much as it sickened me, I wanted to understand. I’m doing better overall, though. Personally, I’m doing better.

Which makes me feel kind of guilty because nobody else is. My kids are miserable, which makes me miserable, but I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel and I want them to see it. Luke and Amy are miserable, which, honestly…I’m not gonna say I’m glad about, but, I don’t know what they were expecting.

They’ve been playing a monstrous game for decades, it was always going to have consequences sooner or later. Amy’s kids are miserable, especially Kaylee. I wish I could reach out to her again, but I absolutely can’t except through Tom, and he needs to play this carefully.

Cat is miserable too. We’re all still reeling from the loss of Jim, and honestly the Kaylee incident really tore my heart in half…but I think I’m over the hump and am taking comfort in how I’m actually choosing myself for a change.

Here’s what people had to say to OP’s update:

Flynn_JM wrote:

When you say report, did you call the c**s or just tell everyone in your circle that you weren’t in an open marriage and that they are sibs?

Is Luke still with his mom or are him and Amy just shacking up at this point?

OP responded:

I went through legal channels, not social.

As of now, he’s staying with Amy. But I don’t believe it’s going well. Her children aren’t happy with him. Or with her.

Niccels11 wrote:

I will forever ask myself why bring an innocent party into their spider web? They are gross vile human beings. All of this could have been avoided if he never bothered you to begin with. I’m happy you’re doing better.

OP responded:

They figured one of them should find a stable long-term relationship but Amy didn’t want to be the one to do it. I suspect they chose me because they expected me to make money in the future/they could tell straight away I was gullible. Or maybe Luke’s claims that he loves me have at least some kernel of truth to them. Don’t know. Don’t care.

productzilch wrote:

Don’t forget that adult adoptions are a thing. You may be able to adopt Kaylee one day, and you may get your chance to tell her that. Even the expression of love might help her, since she’s lost so many people at once here. Luke must have been unbelievably frustrated to not be able to pull the wool over your eyes anymore. How funny to think of.

OP responded:

Thank you, you are absolutely right.

Penguins_Fly wrote:

Now we all wait for the true update once the case is over 👏 I think everyone just wants to know if they are half siblings at this point…but we may never know, and that’s fine too!

OP responded:

Legally I’m not supposed to answer that question but I am very aware that many people are asking it, don’t worry.

BirdBrainuh wrote:

You doing better is the light at the end of the tunnel. Understandably, the kids are having a rough time, but when they’re ready to start healing, you’ll be ready to help them through it. You’re so incredibly strong, OP 💜

ETA: have you considered writing letters to Kaylee and keeping them for a time when it’s safe to give them to her? I’m sure she must be so lonely and confused through this, maybe having those letters ready for her if/when the time comes will also serve as a light at the end of the tunnel for both of you.