WIBTA if I reported my roommate’s “unofficial” live-in boyfriend to housing after he crossed a line?
I’m 19F in my first year of college and I live in a tiny dorm room with one roommate, “Lena” (19F). We were fine at first, not best friends but respectful. About a month into the semester she started bringing her boyfriend “Mark” (20M) over more and more. At the beginning it was normal, movie night, he leaves by midnight, whatever. Then it turned into him basically living here. He’s here when I wake up, he’s here when I come back from class, and he’s here when I’m trying to sleep.
Our housing rules are pretty clear about guests not staying multiple nights in a row, and definitely not having someone move in without being on the lease. I tried to be chill because I didn’t want to be that person, plus Lena kept saying he’s “just going through a rough patch” and he makes her feel safe. I asked her a few times to at least give me a heads up, and she’d say “yes of course” and then he’d still be there the next day like nothing. I started changing clothes in the bathroom and timing my showers around when he wasn’t in the room, which feels so stupid because I pay to live here too.
The bigger issue is Mark isn’t just existing quietly. He’s loud at weird hours, like whisper-laughing on FaceTime at 2am right next to my bed, and if I ask him to keep it down he does this fake nice thing like “oh my bad” but then keeps going. He also uses my stuff. I came back one afternoon and my desk chair was moved to his side, my charger was unplugged, and my laptop stand was being used to prop up his phone. I told Lena I’m not okay with that and she said he “didn’t know” it was mine, even though my name is literally written on the charger with a sticker. Last week it escalated. I had a lab at 8am and went to sleep early, and around midnight Mark started arguing with Lena in the room like full on raised voices.
I put my headphones on and tried to ignore it, but then he slammed our door hard enough that the wall shook. After that, he started crying and saying he “has nowhere else,” and Lena looked at me like I was supposed to reassure him. The next morning I found my small box of childhood stuff (photos, letters, nothing valuable) opened on the floor near his backpack. I don’t have proof he did it, but Lena swears she didn’t touch it and I know I left it closed. When I confronted her, she got defensive and said I’m accusing him because I “already hate him.” I said I don’t hate him, I just don’t want a third person in our room who treats it like his place and makes me feel watched. She told me if I report him and housing gets involved, I’ll ruin her relationship and she’ll never forgive me. I’m torn because I don’t want to be petty, but I also feel like I’m being pushed out of my own room by someone who isn’t even supposed to be here, and I’m exhausted from tiptoeing. WIBTA if I reported the situation to our RA or housing office even though it will blow up my roommate’s life?
