This week I (M26) proposed to my amazing girlfriend (F26) of 3 years. These last three years I have spent time with her, and time with her family through family holidays, engagements, and visiting their home weekly. One of my girlfriend’s initial request for the proposal was to include her family in some form, due to the importance of them in her life. 3 months back I visited her home while she was not there and asked for their blessing where at the time I received and was excited for. I brought up proposal ideas, my main one being having her family join mine in secret (even though our families have not met much) to surprise her before i get on my knee and ask the question. Her family did give some other recommendations which I did not go with due to wanting to make sure my girlfriend had no idea I was going to propose, and I felt taking her to places we don’t normally go such as a park or beach, be too obvious. I also did lean towards having it towards my home due to space and then they would not have to worry about decorations or preparing, but I let them know if they would prefer to have it at their home that was okay too.
At the time I felt the vibes were great and I was looking forward to the next months. The next time I tried to reach out to for a date I was met with that the holidays are too close and because of health concerns we should push it which I accepted and delayed.
When January arrive I reached out again, but was met with silence. Then a week later, I proposed dates that I thought could work. I was met with a response from her mother stating that the date I suggest would not work because my fiancée’s nephew has baseball that Saturday and the other Saturdays this month won’t work.
She concluded the text saying to “Go ahead and just do it without us.” I responded mentioning this is disappointing to me, but I don’t to wait any longer and I feel me and my girlfriend are both ready to take this next step.
So I proposed two weeks later. I did not include her or my own family during the proposal and I took her to a lovely spot and proposed. The day was special to us both and we both felt went great. That night when we went to give the news to her family we were both met with dismissive responses.
The next day was worse. Come to find out her mom sat down with my now fiancée and explained I did not put any effort into including her family, I have not been present in their home and around them during the relationship, and they should have been included in the proposal.
They have also continued to now insult my character, my fiancée’s decisions (what upsets me the most), and they are refusing to speak to me so I can explain or defend myself. I also found out that her whole family was free the Sunday and Monday of the proposal.
Id love to hear any advice, questions, or ways you would go about fixing this. Things have always been strained between my fiancée and her mom, and I want my fiancée to be celebrated the way she deserves. For context, she lives with her family and I have shown her the text.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
HortenseDaigle said:
I mean fix what? Her mom is flat out lying. You can show her receipts of how much you communicated with them for the blessing and trying to coordinate a family-oriented proposal. How is your fiancee taking this? You’re NTA.
onemasterball said:
NTA. Your soon to be in laws are lying. How your fiancé handles this is going to be a defining moment for your marriage. If she doesn’t believe you 100%, you need to run because her mother will spend the rest of her life with you.
Independent_Peak8500 said:
NTA. My advice, think twice before marrying into this chaos. They don’t seem to be too fond of you even if they did give their blessing. If they didn’t and you proposed anyways they would have for sure looked like the aholes so they manipulated into thinking they were on board just to drop the hammer on you and become the victims themselves. Remember your not just marrying her, you’re marrying her family too.
Electronic-Fennel-37 said:
NTA Is your fiancee on your side? If not, do you have proof of the messages with her family saying to go ahead without her? Future MIL sounds like she is trying to flip the narrative.
DrukMeMa said:
NTA but your future MIL and maybe in-laws are manipulative liars. You need to get this sorted out with your fiancé now, not later. Don’t wait for the wedding, the house, the kids, etc.
ImaginaryAd5712 said:
OP I feel bad for you. Don’t know why they’re gaslighting you. They may not want to see your fiancé happy probably. Do you have the text chain?
