AITAH for not apologizing to my friends girlfriend after she found out Im not gay and lost her mind about it

This whole situation is so insane I dont even know where to start but I need outside opinions because people are actually telling me I owe this woman an apology.

I have a close friend group from uni. Theres four of us. Me and three others. Weve been tight for about six years now. After graduating we started doing monthly hangouts and if anyone is seeing someone theyre welcome to come.

One of my friends has been dating this woman for about eight months. Shes a few years older than him and at first she seemed cool. A little intense maybe but whatever he was happy. She started coming to our hangouts regularly about five months ago.

Now heres the thing about me. I dont date much. Havent brought anyone around in years. One of my closest friends in the group is a guy and weve always had a brother sister dynamic. Zero romantic anything. Ever. Another close friend in the group is openly gay.

Apparently because I never brought guys around and I live with my friend whos gay this womans boyfriend let her believe I was also gay. Not because I ever said that. Not because anyone told her that. He just never corrected it. In fact I found out later he actively encouraged it because it made her feel more comfortable with me being around.

A few months ago I started seeing someone. When I was ready for him to meet everyone I texted the group chat and literally said can I bring my boyfriend. Used the word boyfriend. Used he him pronouns. Could not have been more clear.

My friends boyfriend apparently told her I was bringing my partner. Just partner. No pronouns. No clarification. Even though my message was right there in the chat.

Saturday night we all went to dinner. I introduced my boyfriend to everyone. Things seemed fine for about ten minutes. Then she disappeared. Just gone. Wasnt in the bathroom wasnt at the table wasnt anywhere. Her boyfriend tried calling her and she wasnt answering. Turned out she left and was sitting in her car in the parking lot.

He convinced her to go home and said hed get a ride. We stayed and had dinner. It was awkward but fine.

When we were leaving we walked past her car in the lot. She was STILL THERE. She got out and started screaming at me. Calling me names I wont repeat. My boyfriend and I just left.

Next day her boyfriend called me and said she wants an apology from me. For not telling her I was straight.

Let that sink in. She wants ME to apologize because HER boyfriend told her I was gay and never corrected it even though I literally said boyfriend in the group chat.

Then I found out the full picture. Apparently her boyfriend has been comparing me to her for months. Telling her he wishes she was more like me. Making comments about me. And he told her years ago that I turned him down which meant I must be gay. So this whole time she thought I was safe. And now that Im not she thinks I was playing some long game to steal him.

Theres more. She claims she saw me through the restaurant window touching him. I was literally just talking to him. My hands were nowhere near him. She also claims Ive been making passes at him for years which is absolutely insane because this man is like a brother to me and everyone who actually knows me knows that.

Three of us sat down and wrote out a message to the group explaining everything and saying we wont be reaching out again. But I keep getting messages telling me I should just apologize to keep the peace.

Apologize for what. For being straight. For having a boyfriend. For existing near a man who apparently cant stop talking about me to his girlfriend. None of this is my fault and I refuse to apologize for a problem they created.

AITA?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

SignificanceHead9957

I think this woman has some deeper problems than it appears. This guy sounds suspect too.

FairyFartDaydreams

The guy compares his GF to another woman as a putdown. He is TOXIC.

mysteriosadmirer

He was literally triangulating, which is manipulation. He’s sick. She’s crazy too but he’s a bad friend and a bad boyfriend and idk how there’s no addressing the fact that this man should be cut off.

Otherwise-Jump-7606

Her boyfriend spent months telling her you were gay so she wouldn’t be threatened by you and then compared her to you constantly. You’re not the problem in their relationship hes the problem and shes aiming at the wrong person.

loftychicago

He’s the problem in every relationship here. The group needs to dump him, and his gf needs to dump him. He’s a POS. OP has nothing to apologize about to anyone. NTA.

Smiling_Platypus

That gives me an idea that’s not helpful at all. OP could apologize that she didn’t prevent her friend from being horrible and lying about being gay, or prevent him from making unfair comparisons between OP and his girlfriend. Basically “I’m sorry I didn’t prevent this guy from being an AH to you.” That won’t solve anything, but man, it’s satisfying to imagine.

PilotEnvironmental46

You understand this man wasn’t your friend. He lied about who you were, he lied about your identity and now he won’t even take responsibility for creating this entire mess. Do not make the mistake of thinking this man is your friend. A true friend would be apologizing to you profusely for his lies and would be taking responsibility for this entire mess.

30ninjazinmybag

Tell them you didn’t upset the peace and its not up to you to make sure everyone knows your sexuality. She’s feeling the way she is because of her terrible boyfriend not you. Tell them all you are not apologising for someone else’s assumptions and if they think you should apologise maybe they should too, you know to keep the peace his gf has CHOSEN to upset.

Traditional-Set6848

Blehhhhh your NTA obviously, and what ever is going on between that guy and his gf are around their own insecurities – sounds like she might be excessively jealous so he’s been lying to placate it in order to keep his relationship with you that he maybe wishes was more than it is / will ever be.

He needs to find someone secure or he’ll be miserable forever with no female friends, and he needs to be told what he did caused this situation and own it. If he doesn’t take ownership and apologise then he needs to leave the group….