WIBTAH for breaking up with my partner of 7 years because of her family?
Me (M28) and my partner (F26) have been together for approaching 7 years now and we are a perfect pair. But the biggest consistent issue between us has been her family and their treatment of her.
Her mother is emotionally, financially and physically co-dependant on my partner even though she doesn’t need to be, they aren’t disabled or unemployed, just expectant and demanding. Her brother is 18 and similar, except entering the realm of abusive – he’s extremely moody, and will scream, shout and make everyone miserable if he doesn’t get his way and his mother will roll over to keep the peace no matter what he does.
Because of this dynamic, in our time together we’ve never had more than a week alone, never lived together and only gone away together a handful of times despite us both earning a good wage.
This culminated around September last year where her brother became so verbally abusive to my partner that their dad had to step between them while she wept on the floor, and i overheard him telling his friends and laughing about it the day after. I was furious and still can’t look him in the eye, but her mother took the brothers side again and said they’ll talk about it – which has never worked in the past – and now the party line is that he’s behaving much better, when all i’m seeing is that he now says please and thank you while performatively being considerate.
We got in a big argument when i essentially said i don’t like him, don’t believe him, and don’t trust her mother to look out for my partners best interest and now there’s a tension around the subject between us all – with it eventually being said that her mother doesn’t consider me part of the family.
I love my partner so much, but i honestly can’t imagine being so connected to this dynamic my whole life. She loves her family and wants to spend as much time with them as possible, feeling it’s an obligation, but they make her miserable and actively interfere with our relationship – going so far as to say i don’t love her as much as she loves me.
I want to live together and have a life together, but she never wants to be more than 40 minutes away from them or will have to send money home to compensate and not feel guilty.
