AITAH For not coordinating with my ex-wife for trips with my grown children

So my ex-wife and I have had a bit of a rocky co-parenting situation for the last decade. This is mostly due to her challenges with alcoholism, drug use, and mental illness and resulting inconsistency on her part. My kids are now 20 and 22. Starting when they were about 11 and 13 she relapsed after years in AA.

The kids moved in with me full time, and her relationship with them (and me) pretty much fell apart. It was multiple years of constant disappointment for them, and despite trying to coordinate with her, so many broken plans, rescheduled trips, etc. etc. The level of chaos was ridiculous and I could write pages about the wacky things she did, and the wacky things the kids and I did to try to get her help.

When she was doing well I would try to follow our MSA about alternating holidays, school vacations etc. When she was doing poorly I would be left doing everything and having to adjust plans based on her not being available. Eventually, I gave up trying to plan with her.

The problem is she doesn’t remember all the plans that got screwed up when she wasn’t doing well. Plus, I have some resentment that even though I am doing better financially than her I have picked up all the cost for college and pretty much everything for the last 9 years.

She now has been stable for the last 9 months, but the girls don’t live with her, although they do visit with her. She recently got mad that I planned a trip with the girls for their college spring break without consulting her. She asked if I could consult with her before making plans moving forward. I don’t want to do that because: