AITAH for being rude to my deadbeat mother’s husband because won’t leave me alone?
I (17M) haven’t seen or heard from my mother since my 6th birthday when she showed up to my birthday party to yell at my dad and my grandma (her mom). I don’t remember the last time I saw her before my 6th birthday party but it was probably a year before that. She broke up with my dad when I was 5 months old and left the two of us. The only times I saw her was when she went to my grandma’s house while I was there and something tells me she wasn’t actually coming to see me.
After my birthday party my mother moved state and tried to hide from paying child support. It took over three years for her to be tracked down and she ran again. But she was found and forced to pay. We still had no contact and she never tried to send me a birthday card or anything ever.
About three years ago my grandma learned my mother had gotten married and had two sons with her new husband. They were still babies when her husband, calling him Jim for the rest of the post, reached out. Jim told my grandma he knew about us and wanted his boys to know their grandmother and brother. My grandma talked to Jim a little and she told dad and me about Jim’s hope for a relationship but she said the choice should be mine.
I talked to my therapist but I already knew I didn’t want a relationship with my mother’s other children. My therapist just helped me articulate some stuff better and my grandma told Jim that she would be happy to get to know her other grandchildren but I would not be involved. After a year of contact and seeing them my grandma and Jim had a big fight because he looked through her phone while he was visiting with his sons. He got my number before she found him and they argued. He wanted his chance to talk to me and make me hear him out. Grandma warned me before he reached out so I looked out for his number and when he called I blocked him.
But he didn’t stop there and a few months later he showed up at my dad’s house, got into a fight with my dad, and kept asking to see me. My grandma got in touch with my mother and told her to stop him but my mother said he wanted the kids to see us and she didn’t care so she wasn’t getting involved. My dad and grandma threatened Jim with legal action and he kept insisting that he just wanted to hear it from me that I was refusing to meet his kids and build a relationship. I was dumb and thought that would work so when he showed up a third time I went and talked to him and he told me that his sons were not responsible for our mother’s lack of interest in me and that they’re my brothers whether I like it or not. I told him I didn’t care, wasn’t interested and he got what he wanted so leave.
He didn’t and because he was sent a letter by my dad’s attorney, he responded with another basically saying he would sue for visitation for me and his sons because it was in their best interest to know me. Dad’s attorney said there was nothing to do since he would never get it ordered or even get it before a judge. We were told to call the cops whenever Jim shows up but the cops don’t care and don’t wanna do anything.
All this made me lose it when Jim showed up again the other day and tried to talk to me again. I was rude. I told him to fuck off and leave us alone and I told him I wasn’t interested in talking to him or meeting his sons or bettering their lives. I told him I only cared about being left the fuck alone and I told him to go back to his wife and accept she’s not my mother in any way that really counts and her kids will never be my siblings. I gave him no chance to reply since I stormed inside. My dad had already called the cops but they did nothing again and then Jim showed up at grandma’s house and complained and said I was taking my issues with my mother out on him and his boys.
Losing my temper like that isn’t normally me and I like to think I’m respectful when I talk to people so I kinda hate that I did it but also feel like I needed to say it too. But it didn’t make Jim leave me alone which I was hoping it would when it happened. AITAH?
