Hi all. This is my first post and I really need some outside perspective.
I (F22) have been with my boyfriend (M21) for a year. We met through work, and until recently I thought he was the man I wanted to marry. This past year has been very hard. Recently, I was admitted to the hospital due to a complication and infection from a medical abortion. My boyfriend was fully on board with the abortion, as we are not ready for a child. When I was admitted, I asked if my emergency contact (my mum) would be notified and was told no. My family is extremely religious and against abortion, and since I was recently laid off, I currently depend on them and didn’t want them to find out. I asked my boyfriend to message my parents with general information about my hospital admission. We clearly discussed what he could say, and the one rule was not to mention pregnancy or abortion. The next morning, I woke up for a scan and surgery and found my mum in the hospital waiting room. After surgery, I found out my boyfriend had told her I was pregnant. His reasoning was that he was worried about me and that my mum asked what medication I’d taken. Now I’m considering breaking up with him. He broke a clear boundary during one of the most vulnerable moments of my life, while I was unconscious and unable to stand up for myself. I feel like I can’t trust him to respect my boundaries or keep my confidence when it matters most.
AITA if I break up with him when he was trying to help but did so by telling my secret?
EDIT: okay so this is getting a lot of attention and I want to clarify some FAQs.
- When I asked my bf to message my parents it was because they ask me to tell them when I am out overnight and I had no service being hooked up to an IV. They can see my location and telling them why I’m at a hospital rather than them guessing is definitely better.
I did not expect my bf to lie and he told everyone true symptoms and my condition- we only didn’t say the true reason for why I was admitted (pregnancy and abortion).
The reason for being there given to family (which the nurses helped confirm would work) was to say the infection was caused by ‘remaining tissue from my last irregular period’. So he knew what to say.
2. Yes my parents are very religious, I do not know their full reactions as after hearing about my pregnancy my mum left the hospital and has not contacted me since. This is either great news or bad, just going to have to wait and see.
3. My partner is extremely supportive and has been throughout the rest of our relationship. There is no thought in my mind or my friends (as I have ofc reached out) that this was malicious. It was dumb and broke my trust, not evil.
4. Ofc i wouldnt have had any issue if anything was life threatening. Nothing was. It was a minor procedure and there was almost no risk.
