AITA for not laughing at this, and shutting down?
I’m pregnant and in a long-distance relationship. My partner lives abroad. Because of the distance (and the pregnancy tbh), feeling emotionally connected, respected, and wanted is kind of a big deal to me right now.
We video call every day. Tonight, he spent most of the call glued to football betting and staring at match results instead of actually looking at me. (I have noticed signs of an addiction bc he bets everyday and never wins) When that was over, he started watching YouTube travel vlogs.
Suddenly he starts losing it. Like full-on laughing his ass off. When I asked what was so funny, he excitedly tells me about a video with two married guys traveling in Colombia, joking about being “single for the night,” going out, checking out women, chatting them up, and filming everything. He laughed especially hard at jokes about constantly looking at women around them and comments like “watch your neck.”
What bothered me wasn’t just the video — it was him. He had literal sparkles in his eyes and shared it like I was his buddy who was supposed to laugh along… not his pregnant partner sitting on a video call with him.
Then, still smiling, he jokes and asks if he’s “allowed” to go to Colombia himself. I didn’t laugh at all. When he noticed, he laughed it off and added, “Should I take you with me?”
I want to be clear: I’m not trying to be dry, boring, or controlling. I don’t want to police jokes or humor.
But honestly? Watching him laugh that hard at this felt ridiculous and disrespectful. And I hate admitting this, but in that moment, I actually felt my respect for him drop. I even caught myself kind of looking down on him for it.
Context matters. He has broken my trust before. He’s lied to me and chatted with other women behind my back. He’s also had issues with porn — including watching it secretly on his phone while I was visiting him, even hiding in the bathroom. Because of that history, “it’s just a joke” doesn’t really land the same way for me.
There’s also another thing that’s been eating at me. We used to have cam-sex, but he basically never initiates anymore. He barely talks about sex at all now. I’ve noticed the shift, and it makes me feel unwanted and insecure. Given his past, I can’t help but assume he’s probably just meeting his needs through porn instead.
It feels like a massive elephant in the room that he never talks about. I’m left sitting with it alone. I feel lonely, overlooked, and honestly kind of inadequate. There’s sadness, but also a lot of irritation and anger because none of this is ever addressed.
What really adds to it is that he’s actually super jealous himself. I know 100% that if the roles were reversed, he would NOT find this funny. If I were laughing my head off at videos of married women acting single, checking out other men, and then smiling and joking about going to Colombia myself, he’d be pissed and see it as disrespectful. I would honestly feel embarrassed acting like that in front of him.
This whole situation also made me seriously worry about our future. I’m not the type who enjoys going out, partying, or “exploring.” I genuinely don’t care about that life. He says he’s not into going out either — but he’s younger than me and hasn’t really experienced much yet. Seeing how excited he got over this kind of content made me question whether, long-term, I can really expect him not to feel the urge to go out, explore, or chase that lifestyle once things get boring or routine.
That thought honestly scares me — especially now that I’m pregnant.
Eventually I said I was going to take a shower and ended the call. He looked annoyed and said he’d just go to sleep. That left me feeling dismissed and guilty, even though I didn’t accuse him or start a fight.
I’m not trying to control him. I’m just trying to feel emotionally safe, desired, and respected — and to understand whether we actually want the same kind of future.
So… am I overreacting? Or is it reasonable that this made me feel hurt, lonely, and genuinely worried about whether we’re really compatible long-term?
