“WIBTA for wearing headphones and sleeping for an entire 8-hour flight after agreeing to sit next to an acquaintance?”

“WIBTA for wearing headphones and sleeping for an entire 8-hour flight after agreeing to sit next to an acquaintance?”

I (30m) have a long-haul flight (8+ hours) coming up. An acquaintance found out we are on the same plane and messaged me asking for my seat number so he could switch to sit next to me. Sadly, I am a total “yes” person and rarely say no to people, so I panic-gave him the number. He successfully switched seats and is now sitting next to me. He is a friend of a friend.

We have hung out in group settings a handful of times (drinks, dinners, generic social stuff). He is a nice guy, but in my head, he is still just an “acquaintance.” We have never texted. Our first direct text conversation ever was him asking for my seat number. To me, an 8-hour flight is to relax/sleep, watch movies, and zone out. I definitely do not want to entertain someone I don’t really care about for that long.

However, he seems thrilled to have a companion. So since I already said “yes” to the seat switch, I feel like I have implied that I am open to chat. But what I really want to do is to basically say “Hello” and put on my noise-canceling headphones and sleep/watch movies for the entire duration of the flight. I don’t plan on engaging in conversation.

So why I think I might be TA: I feel like I might be TA because I “voluntarily” gave him my seat number, which implies I wanted company. However, ignoring him after letting him move his seat to be next to me just feel wrong and might be rude considering he clearly thinks we are better friends than I do. So, WIBTA if I shut down conversation and ignore him for the flight?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

3furryboys wrote:

Be an adult and use your words. Let him know your plans before the flight so that he can be prepared. YTA if you don’t say anything to him and then just blow him off.

AsburyParkRules wrote:

Just write back to him and say, “Hey I should have said this in the beginning, but I’m not a big conversationalist when I’m fly, I like to veg out , read and watch movies. I’m not saying I’ll ignore you or anything, it’s going to be nice to have someone I know to sit next to, but I didn’t want you to be put off by me not being chatty. Hope that’s okay.”

rockology_adam wrote:

NTA so long as you can say directly “Oh, I’m not a talkative flyer. I’m going to get into the zone with a movie and doze off.”

Warning him ahead of time would be even better.

You will have to be curt, but a message that says “Hey, I know you switched seats and having to share an armrest with someone you know beats a stranger, but just so you know… I fly with headphones on. It’s a meditative thing for me. I’m not going to be good company once we hit cruising altitude.”

And then you do the normal polite chit-chat stuff until the safety presentation is over and then you put your headphones on. But to be very clear here, there is a LARGE area here where you would be the A-hole, because you can’t be a “yes” person and then ignore people you say yes to.

It’s a weird space, because you feel like your Yeses shouldn’t be something you’re held to… when the answer is that if you don’t want to be held to them, you need to stop saying Yes.

mare_bare wrote:

YTA if you don’t talk to him at all. Give him 30 minutes (including flight prep and take off) then watch a movie, then another 20 or so minutes. Then sleep awhile. Don’t be totally anti-social.

Ok-Cheetah9125 wrote:

Just chat for a few minutes and then tell him you’re going to get some rest and put on your headphones. There is a long way between chatting for eight hours and not talking to him at all.

Not long after posting, OP shared an edit:

Edit / Clarification:

I’m reading through the comments and want to clarify two things based on the feedback:

1. I’m not anti-social with everyone: A lot of you are saying you love sitting with friends/spouses. So do I! I love flying with my partner or close friends. The stress here comes specifically from the “Acquaintance Zone”…we aren’t close enough to be comfortable in silence, also not close enough to have endless things to talk about. It’s that awkward middle ground I’m dreading.

Why I’m worried: Some of you pointed out I might be assuming the worst and that he might want to sleep too. You are probably right, and I apologise for assuming. However, my fear comes from the fact that he is a very talkative guy in our group outings. He usually drives the conversation, which is why I’m panic-spiraling about being stuck in a defined space with that energy for 8 hours.

Here’s what people had to say after OP’s edit:

flynena-3 wrote:

ESH. I understand that in the moment you said yes without really thinking it through or knowing how to answer otherwise. I also understand what you mean about being on a long flight, even if it was a close friend of mine or family member, I wouldn’t want to talk for 8 hours straight either! I would want to sleep, chill out with music, maybe watch a movie and just relax as well.

If it was like a two or three hour flight that would be different. I think you should set up the expectation with him now in advance that way he understands what the deal is and will not be surprised on the flight. That being said, I think a little bit of compromise is in order for the purpose of social etiquette, since you did give him your seat info to switch and didn’t say anything in that first moment.

I suggest telling him something along the lines of: “yeah it’ll be great to chit chat and catch up with you a little bit on the flight! Just want to give you a heads up that because it’s such a long flight, I usually take that time to really enjoy relaxing, such as napping, listening to music with my headphones on and watching a movie.”

“Because life is just so crazyy busy and I don’t normally get to do that so I take advantage of that time to do those kind of things when I’m on a long flight like this. So I just wanted to give you a heads up that you’ll see me doing that for a good portion of the flight as well and I wanted you to know to please not take that personally.”

“I just really look forward to having that rare free time to relax. Always better to sit next to somebody you know than the stranger you don’t, so I’m glad it worked out and see you then!” By doing this, you’ll have set the stage, let him know the expectations in advance, let him know why you’re doing those things so he knows it’s not personal to him but still started it off and ended it off in a positive light.

derattler wrote:

It’s weird that he asked for your seat number and switched. That shows a lack of professional boundaries – this is a work trip.

I used to fly a bit for work and sometimes there would be a few of us on the same flight. When that happened there might be a little bit of chit chat but that’s it.

In fact, I once sat across the aisle from a colleague whom I knew quite well (upstairs 747 so 2+2), him in window, me in aisle seat across the aisle and we managed to pretend we hadn’t even seen each other until immigration in Singapore 14 hours later.

As others have suggested, create a boundary. Ask him how he usually passes time on these flights and then tell him that you’re going to watch a movie and then rest. Pop your headphones on and pretend he isn’t there.