“AITA for upstaging my friend at her wedding?”
Almost two years ago one of my closest friends got engaged two weeks after I had gotten engaged. She made comments about her fiancé being more committed than mine because they were engaged 4 months into the relationship, whereas me and my partner waited 2 years to get engaged.
Six months later she is getting married. I drive out 18 hours one way to be there as a bridesmaid. a couple of hours before the rehearsal dinner someone in the wedding party group chat asks about dress code and the bride response with “casual”.
I had packed a maxi sun dress for the rehearsal dinner and obviously couldn’t just drive home to grab something else (and didn’t want to wear my traveling outfit or what I had worn to the bach party) so I show up in the sun dress thinking that even tho the dress code was casual, people would still look nice.
Everyone else was dressed like they had been at summer camp, oversized t-shirts, shorts and sandals. As soon as the bride saw me, I could tell that she was upset, but she didn’t say anything. I was so embarrassed.
Then the next day (WEDDING DAY), all 4 of us bridesmaids are getting ready. The bride is getting her makeup professionally done in the other room and I’m off doing my own makeup.
Us bridesmaids had all agreed to wear our hair down and natural (no styling or curling, etc.) but had said nothing about makeup. I do enjoy makeup but don’t tend to wear a lot, usually just mascara and eyeliner, but I did some false lashes and blush for the wedding to glam it up.
Well, I must have missed a memo because none of the other bridesmaids wore any makeup at all. And I know that some of them wear it daily. I again was embarrassed, and to make things worse the bride came out with barely any makeup on either.
I questioned if I should wash off my makeup or at least try to tone it down. But when the wedding planner showed up and was going through the plan/timeline and talked about when the bride and groom would sign the marriage certificate, the bride turned to me and said “Of course, because if the commitment isn’t legal, it isn’t real.” and gave my hand a little squeeze.
I then decided that I would not change my makeup. I know that my friend had always been a bit jealous that I had gotten more attention from men and so maybe it was wrong of me to not wash off my makeup and make her feel like the prettiest woman on her wedding day. But I was sick of her insulting my relationship. So AITA for standing out on her wedding day by being the most glammed up in the bridal party?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
shooreh_pipi
NTA. If the bride tells her bridal party “casual” for a formal event weekend, most people assume “business casual” or “cute summer wear,” not “oversized t-shirts.” You drove 18 hours, showed up for her, and got snide comments in return. that’s not on you.
rockology_adam
ESH. Your friend is being a complete A-hole in her comments about your commitment not being real, especially since hers isn’t more real until the papers she’s talking about are actually signed.
You showed up to the rehearsal without ever asking about dress code. I’m not actually fashionable enough to know why a sundress isn’t considered casual. I would consider it very casual, and it’s hardly too dressy, unless it is.
But then there’s the question of makeup. And you haven’t asked a single question about what everyone else is doing here, in terms of the sundress or the makeup. You’ve stepped up to the line of just doing your own thing rather than check in or consider what you know about your friend.
Are you saying that you didn’t realize that when this friend said casual, she meant it? Did you not know that this bride might choose little/no makeup for the wedding? You could have been the better person here, but you didn’t. You’ve chosen petty because she was being oaffish, and while tit for tat might feel good, it’s still two wrongs.
AcanthocephalaAny575
Jesus, is this a real persons thoughts? Everything about this story sounds petty and shallow. Are you even happy this person is getting married? Are you even friends? It sounds like you’re just there to 1 up each other.
Demitwo
NTA. You didn’t try to outshine the bride, you simply showed up prepared. If the other bridesmaids chose not to wear makeup and you did, of course you stood out a little, but that’s not the same as stealing attention. You followed expectations and put in normal effort.
From your post, it sounds like your friend may have been feeling insecure or even a bit jealous, and maybe washing off your makeup could have helped her feel like the most beautiful woman on her wedding day, but that’s would have been a kind gesture, not an obligation. A wedding should be about celebrating, not competing.
MidnightAngel96
YTA – as soon as you saw that the rest of the BP – AND the Bride herself – was wearing little to no makeup you should have washed your face.
Dreamy-Mimi
NTA and she is a terrible friend. She wanted you to feel out of place and wrong-footed. Not once, but twice. Don’t invite her to your wedding, she’s just going to go around being mean about everything and ruin it for you. Ghost and block her now with a clear conscience.
Jakyland
Why are you two friends when you both hate each other? ESH, her for her comments, you for being petty the whole time and being full of yourself and thinking people cared that you wore makeup to the wedding. You are both also AH to yourselves in continuing in this hateful relationship instead of just ending the “friendship”.
So, what do you think of this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?
