“AITA for walking out of my best friend/ex-girlfriend’s wedding during the first dance?”
Some context: My best friend (also 29F) and I have known each other since we were five. We grew up inseparable. In high school, she became part of the popular crowd I was left behind. Around this time, I realized I was a lesbian and that I had a massive crush on her. It hurt watching her drift away and date guys, but I let her go and eventually found other friends. I even had a few relationships.
Then for graduation she had this huge party and even invited me and my friends, things got weird. We were both drunk, dancing to lana del rey we have always been huge Lana fans then we kissed. I tried not to read too much into it; she had a boyfriend at the time, and according to her socials, she kissed a lot of her female friends.
Like a year after that she went through a mental health crisis and reached out to me. Her other friends had drifted away, and we reconnected. We became inseparable again, like nothing had changed. Eventually, she told me she was bisexual and had feelings for me. I’d loved her for years, but I tried not to pressure or project. Still, we ended up dating, moved in together, got a cat, the whole thing.
I genuinely thought I was going to marry her. But right before my 23rd birthday, she told me she didn’t think she was bisexual after all. That our relationship had started during a vulnerable time for her. We broke up, I moved out and we stopped talking. I was heartbroken.(still am tbh) I cried every night, stalked her socials, I haven’t had a serious relationship since.
Then, three months ago, she messaged me. Said she missed being my friend and wanted to hang out. I was definitely still in love with her (I’m pathetic I know) but I said yes. We hung out until 5am that first night. She told me she’d been listening to Margaret by Lana Del Rey and fun fact, my name is Margaret!
It really was like no time had passed between us. She was engaged (which hurt), but I liked her fiancé. He seemed sweet and genuinely in love with her. Being back in her life helped me feel whole again. I started dating, feeling normal again for the first time in years. I stayed with her at her Airbnb the night before the wedding, we drank wine, listened to Lana, and she got a little handsy. I brushed it off as the wine talking.
Then came the wedding. I wasn’t a bridesmaid, fair, since we’d only recently reconnected but I was honored to be invited. Everything was beautiful, until the first dance. She chose Margaret by Lana Del Rey.
Yeah so she was dancing with her new husband, but staring at me, Lana was singing “when you know, you know.” And I just felt all of those feelings for her I’d been repressing come back and I felt so sick, it was like a bad fanfic. I left, I cried so hard.
She texted and called, but I blocked her the next day. One of her bridesmaids messaged me saying I was cruel for walking out and ghosting her. I’m feeling extremely guilty. I didn’t want to ruin her wedding I just could not stay there.
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:
areallifeauthor said:
I’d say NTA. Am I the only one getting the vibe that your friend has feelings/is using you and stringing you along and probably trying to start an affair or something?
neenish_tart said:
NTA obviously. But I wish you’d requested “Good Luck, Babe” from the DJ and left to the tune of that.
whynottakeacrazychan said:
NTA it definitely sounds like your friend has some weird internalized things she has to work out tho. All my friends who used to kiss their friends when they were drunk turned out to be lesbians lol
coldgator said:
NTA. What she did was intentional and cruel. Blocking her was the right choice.
HandBananasRevenge said:
NTA. I can’t help but wonder if she was just trying to see how much of a hold she still has on you, and that her intentions behind inviting you to the wedding were anything but good. She took advantage of you when she needed someone, and tossed you aside when you had outlived your usefulness.
Don’t feel guilty. You handled it as best as you could. I have no doubt she has not been completely forthcoming with her bridesmaids about your history, and sent one of them after you like a flying monkey. This person is never going to see you as anything other than a phase she went through. Move on and don’t get back in contact.
